To think it's my choice when I start maternity leave?

[MrsAlbie]

I'm nearly 25 weeks pregnant with DC1 and need to let my employer know when I intend to start my maternity leave.

I've had a little look at dates myself and by using two weeks of annual leave, I can finish work at 33+5 but technically begin my mat leave/pay a few weeks later at 36+1.

I work 40 hours in a pre-school, so it's not a desk job. Whilst it's not mentally taxing, it is physically demanding/draining and you need to be 'on it' all the time.

My husband thinks I should keep going until later on in the pregnancy 'because I had a colleague who kept going until the end' . When I tell him it's my choice, he says it's not and that because it affects our finances (I'm only entitled to SMP) he gets a say too.

In order not to drip feed, we're not struggling financially and he earns significantly more than I do. All money has always been shared (one joint account, no separate accounts). I intend to take 39 weeks off and return to work PT. I don't really enjoy my job and I think my husband thinks I just want to get 'away' asap. Pregnancy so far as been straight-forward, but as I head towards third trimester I can already feel myself slowing down and know it's not going to improve until baby is here!

AIBU to insist it is my choice? Is 33+5 in a physically demanding job really too early?

I'm glad to hear that you have family nearby because I'm think you are going to need them. I suspect that you husband will not be willing to step up and do his share of parenting .

Do any of your friends and family who know that your husband is difficult and controlling ?

I had to say I LOL when I read his comments our comments being "biased " aka " informed" . Since neither of you have had a baby and almost everyone responding here has had at least one. So that's probably 200 actual lived experiences compared to his " what my mate once told me " .

Jolly good.

Well isn't your DH a delight OP? I would have hoped a GP would have had more emotional intelligence and be far more supportive of whatever you feel is best for both your physical and mental health than your DH is displaying.

*His way
*
Personally I would be taking this opportunity to do it MY WAY and starting mat leave when I wanted to. Obviously you know him well enough to know whether this would be wise or not. Perfect opportunity to assert myself in motherhood if it was me though

Funny how the one woman he knows who shot out a baby sitting at her desk trumps 8 pages of women who didn't, isn't it?

I wonder if he refuses to give women a fit note when they ask due to severe , crippling pgp...I can imagine him telling them the story about wonder woman giving birth while simultaneously diagnosing a rare illness.

Seriously though , I am sadenned by the quantity of threads I've read about selfish , abusive partners today.

I pray that these women find a way to assert themselves.

I think it has all been said really by pps. I do a very similar job to your husband.
This is my first pregnancy and I have generally felt great.
In my great wisdom, I decided I was going to work until 38 weeks. On discussing this with ladies who were mums, I realised they were all looking at me as though I was crazy! I actually went off at 34 weeks and thank goodness I did!
Well done to your husband's colleague that carried on until the end, but I wasn't going to risk being struck off for a mistake caused by 'baby brain'. The weather was hot and I was extremely bothered, not a patch on my normal capability or competence.
My husband is medical and he has been totally supportive of my needs as your husband should be of yours.
Good luck OP x

In ye olden days, we used to get kicked out at 34-35 weeks where I worked. No choice about when you started mat leave, and in those days you got your P45 and no more than 26weeks total leave allowed. No employer pay after the first six weeks, just stat mat pay.

Take the rights that have been hard won and make your own decisions.

I finished at 30 weeks and I had an easy pregnancy, an easy desk job, and an Easy 10 minute walk commute!
Listen to your body and do what you want x

I finished at 30 weeks and I had an easy pregnancy, an easy desk job, and an Easy 10 minute walk commute!
Listen to your body and do what you want x