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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scan at 10am.. I want to take DC out of school.

254 replies

Pinkflamingo121318 · 27/09/2017 11:27

Basically that.. would I be unreasonable to take them out for a couple of hours, then straight to school from the hospital.

DC are 4 and 5.
I want to take them with me for the scan.. it's the sexing scan and I'd love for them to be there.

It is 10am so they'd be back at school by 11:30 at the latest.

This will be our last baby and can't afford to have a 4D one during a half term.

OP posts:
Kipi · 27/09/2017 16:18

Go you, tiramisu. That's great, crack on and all that.

Someone with genuine existing health anxiety will be along to put you straight soon enough, I imagine.

KittyVonCatsington · 27/09/2017 16:19

I took my kids to all manner of appointments due to having no support outside the two of us.

This isn't a childcare issue though. The DCs are already in school.

And I think more women should talk about when pregnancies go wrong. Too much is hushed up and brushed under the carpet and therefore support often lacking as people are kept in the dark.

Frazzlerock · 27/09/2017 16:24

There are better ways to push someone onto another course of action than to try to stress them out with horror stories. I'd think anyone who unloaded tales of birth defects or death onto a pregnant person, without trying a different tack first at least, to be a person to be avoided at all costs. It would be a horrible and completely unnecessary thing to do.

Actually, I wish someone had told me when I was expecting my two precious babies. I thought babyloss/miscarriage was something that happened to other people, not me. I looked after myself, I avoided everything on the 'banned' list. I did everything I was supposed to do, why on earth would it happen to me?
How wrong was I!
I think it is extremely important that everyone knows the dangers of loss and not to get their hopes up, as I did. And as many others have done.
Getting your hopes up is a very very dangerous game that I, 19 months later, am still unable to shake. It is not a horror story, it is real life. Real horror life.
In fact I would like to see schools teach this in reproductive education (or whatever it is called these days) so that everyone is prepared for something that is statistically very likely to happen at some point in their lives if they want children of their own.

The point remains that it would be very silly to take children to a scan which could very easily turn your world upside-down.

Just my humble opinion though!
And I'll be the first to admit I'd have thought differently before this happened to us. Back then, scans were exciting, a chance to meet my baby... No. Just no.

Witsender · 27/09/2017 16:38

Ours have come in part due to childcare availability (home educated so with me all day). The first scan at 13 wks DH was under strict instructions to take them out if anything looked dodgy. They have since been to growth scans every 3 wks, midwife appts, consultants etc. They have never 'larked about', but have sat quietly and waited as appropriate. The HCPs have explained stuff to them, shown them stuff on screens etc and generally been lovely to them.

If they were the disruptive type I may feel differently. They are well accustomed to coming to all sorts of things so so that may have something to do with it.

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 27/09/2017 16:39

But no-one's been graphic or gratuitous, Kipi. They've just repeated the basic truth, that abnormalities and lack of a Hb show up at scans, sometimes with the bare bones of their personal experience. That's in all information about scans - as it should be; to infantilise pregnant women is wrong.

Health anxiety is awful, but a) if a woman suffers from it, surely she already knows that scans don't always give good news and would be unlikely to plan to take her older children; b) I don't think the answer to it lies in not mentioning sad outcomes. I don't think that pregnant women with health anxiety really have anything to do with this OP, or that it's inappropriate, much less vicious, for people to tell this OP that their 20 week scan didn't work out so well.

LittleRen · 27/09/2017 16:47

My 20 week acan for my third baby got rescheduled and it ended up being at 6pm when my parents were away. We had to take our two boys but my husband sat outside with them while they did all the serious checks, and then they were all allowed in for five minutes at the end. You could always do this. However the Midwife screwed up my dates and we also had a quick scan at 17 weeks but it was too early to do the more in depth checks, so I knew pretty much everything major was ok before my 20 weeks can, I may have though differently had this not been the case.

StepAwayFromCake · 27/09/2017 16:53

I took mine, at the same ages, to my 20w scan. Their school had no issues with it whatsoever. The younger lost interest within minutes and played contentedly with a book. The elder was fascinated, and still remembers it 10y later. The sonigrapher warned us that she would tell dh to take them out if the room if she felt it necessary.

The year before I had had my younger child with me when I was seen in the EPU for a miscarriage. I had no choice, I had no-one to leave them with. The dc was oblivious to what was going on, and enjoyed the change of scene and the attention. Having them there with me while my world came crashing down comforted me so much. I felt the constant presence of love and affection, and having to be there for them steadied me and kept me calm.

Sallystyle · 27/09/2017 17:08

My hospital has banned children under the age of 12 from going to scans due to the distractions they were causing and the potential of bad news and more testing being needed.

I think it's a great idea. Children do not need to be at an anomaly scan, it's an important medical procedure. If you want your children there book the 4D sex scan thing.

LoniceraJaponica · 27/09/2017 18:46

In spite of the hospital saying it is ok to bring the children, I still think it isn't a good enough reason to remove children from school.

Original poster
Pinkflamingo121318 · 28/09/2017 11:27

Well it doesn't seem like this is going to be an issue as I've just found out due to the increased worry of my medication, they will be changing it and scanning me every 4 weeks.. baring in mind I'm only 12 weeks, I'm guessing at least one of them will fall in a time I can take them with.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 28/09/2017 11:55

Don't know why you asked...

Anatidae · 28/09/2017 11:58

I'm guessing at least one of them will fall in a time I can take them with.

Your goal is not to take them with you to any NHS appt. they will be in the way at the very least and at the worst they will see or hear something they shouldn't due to your increased risk which is why they are scanning you

you will not be dissuaded will you? You are going to take them in and sod the sonographers concentration, or the feelings of your kids, or other patients, or their school...

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 28/09/2017 11:58

Or why you'd interpret the fact that your pregnancy is classed as higher risk than average as more opportunities to take your children along to medical procedures.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 28/09/2017 11:58

I think they "allow" children to help parents who can't arrange childcare.
You have childcare, so I'd leave them in school.

I like the idea of a gender reveal cake when they get home

mummabubs · 28/09/2017 12:01

Have to say I stand by what I said before OP, especially given the reason for you having to now have more scans. (Hope all goes ok). It saddens me that you're still setting out to something that isn't in the best interests of your children, other people attending the clinic or the sonographer but if after all the replies you've had you're still set on taking them then what were you hoping for by asking if YABU??

MarthasHarbour · 28/09/2017 12:08

In response to the pp way upthread (cant remember the name and cant be arsed to check as this thread is getting too triggering for me)

Yes, responses like this are helpful. Mainly because if someone had given my head a wobble 5 years ago i would not have taken DS in and subjected him to the heartbreak and stress. We didnt view it as a 'sexing scan' but did naively view it as an exciting thing for DS to see. Well a dying baby wasnt exactly excitement for him. I really and truly wish i had either stumbled on a thread like this or spoken to someone like me.

Yes, i would absolutely tell a pregnant friend or colleague about my experience, but only if they were getting all giddy like the OP about finding out the sex, as if that is the only thing the scan is for. I am usually circumspect about my experience when generally talking to pregnant colleagues (my friends know what happened) and i never refer to it, unless they would say that they are excited about taking their older DC's in for entertainment purposes.

OP, i really hope that your health issue works out well for you and baby, but please reconsider using the extra scans as spectator sport.

PollyBanana · 28/09/2017 12:40

You are having extra scans because of additional risk factors and you think the main benefit of this is more opportunities to bring your other children to witness these high risk scans?
Clearly no point in asking for advice if you are going to ignore it

Coconutspongexo · 28/09/2017 12:47

Why would you want to take your children if they're increasing your scans?? I'm sure the sonographer doesn't want your children sat there whilst they're looking for issues

Believeitornot · 28/09/2017 12:48

It won't be as exciting for them as it is for you.,,. Plus the waiting etc and where do they sit?

Yabu

Frazzlerock · 28/09/2017 13:34

Fuxake.
Take them then, if you're going to ignore everyone anyway.

I hope you don't get the same result as me and the 1 in 4 others, at all. But especially whilst your children are with you.

Wouldn't wish it on my worst fucking enemy.

Witsender · 28/09/2017 13:37

The sonographers haven't been at all bothered by the presence of my kids, and they're rarely the only ones in the waiting room so it obviously isn't an unusual occurrence.

Coconutspongexo · 28/09/2017 13:45

They're not allowed in when I do any scans, infact they're not allowed in for any scans I've worked at/had placement in.

TiramisuQueenoftheFaeries · 28/09/2017 13:47

The sonographers haven't been at all bothered by the presence of my kids

Unless they actually told you, "Oh, I love it when people bring their kids!", you don't know that. Unless the hospital has a policy on it, they don't really have the standing to say, "Please keep your kids away from my expensive equipment". The fact that more and more hospitals are explicitly banning people from bringing under-12s to a scans pretty much shows that it's a problem; no, the sonographer does not want to have her elbow jogged or 5 people crammed into her fairly small room, the receptionist does not want to babysit them for you, and the bereavement midwife really does not want to have all 4 of you sitting there when you have to be taken into the "quiet room".

If you are completely stuck for childcare then needs must, but taking them on purpose is inappropriate at best and downright stupid and traumatising at worst.

PsychoPumpkin · 28/09/2017 13:50

I’ve taken a one year old to a scan because I had no choice (very close together pregnancies) but I wouldn’t ever take a child out of school for it, because it disrupts their education and also, of something is wrong at the scan they are old enough to understand and it’s not fair to put them through that

I didn’t tell my eldest about either of her younger siblings before the 20 week scan, I hid my pregnancies from her until I was as sure as I could be that there was no bad new to be had. I didn’t want to get her excited and then have to tell her some horrible news.

A scan picture is just as exciting for a child than sitting quietly for 40 minutes while a sonographer does their job.

WhooooAmI24601 · 28/09/2017 13:51

Our local NHS hospital doesn't allow children into scans. They can wait in the waiting room with family but not go into the actual scan.

DS1 came with us for a private scan simply because it fell at a good time. The sonographer was amazing and made DS1 a little picture of his own with "to my big brother, I can't wait to meet you" on it and DS1 treasures it to this day (despite DS2 now being 6 and a half and the most ridiculous child in the western world). I doubt he'd have cared not seeing a scan, though, because at 5 he didn't really give a toss.

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