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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a bitch?

505 replies

ModernFamily2017 · 27/09/2017 09:37

NC as this is identifying

Last night a girl I used to work with on posted on FB something along the lines of:

'It makes me so angry when I hear parents complaining about their children! They need to realise how lucky they are and think of those of us who can't have any children and would do anything to be in their shoes'

I don't know why but it really annoyed me, I hated the 'judgyness' of if so I commented Blush

I said something along the lines of: 'Being a parent is bloody hard work and I don't know anyone who hasn't complained about their children at one point or another. It doesn't mean we love them any less. I know it's horrible for women who can't have children but that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can. It's hard enough raising a child without people judging you all the time.

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad Blush I just hate sweeping statements like that!

WIBU

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 27/09/2017 09:41

She’s obviously struggling with infertility. I’d have let it go myself.

Mumof41987 · 27/09/2017 09:42

I guess she was maybe having a shit day and someone touched a nerve . At least she deleted her post but it must be awful for her not being able to have children. It doesn't however give her the right to bash others

TheCatsMother99 · 27/09/2017 09:42

I think you were fair and I'm usually one to err on the side of caution when it comes to talking about children or babies on Facebook for the exact reason that I know people who are struggling to conceive or can't have kids.

Lord, if we had to censor everything we said for fear of offending someone, especially when you just need an outlet, no one would speak!

Ginfernal · 27/09/2017 09:42

Yes. That was not ideal. It is her place to vent and unless you have walked a mile in her shoes you have no idea of the pain she's in. She doesn't know the hard work of it but know need to knock someone down who is clearly hurting

InsomniacAnonymous · 27/09/2017 09:44

She's obviously in a situation that she's finding very painful and you stuck the knife in even deeper. There was no need.

AmysTiara · 27/09/2017 09:44

I wouldn't have said anything to her. I think you were a bit mean. She was having a bad moment and just wanted a moan.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/09/2017 09:45

I'm sorry, op but. IMHO in answer to your question. Yes you were.
The poor women was probably feeling very melhoncoly.

BertrandRussell · 27/09/2017 09:46

Wow. Stick the knife in, why don't you?

CandyMelts · 27/09/2017 09:46

I'd say her infertility trumps you feeling judged. Sorry

Lottey90 · 27/09/2017 09:47

Both of you were being knobs I think ..... Facebook for you !

MrsJayy · 27/09/2017 09:47

Was a bit opinionated not a bitch though the woman is obviously stuggiling and you kinda waded in on her i think fb is for "likes" and are you ok's but you said it now so you can either apologise or leave it and move on. I have said some stupid stuff on facebook and it gets you nowhere

formerbabe · 27/09/2017 09:49

I wouldn't have said anything...but I completely agree with you op.

RonSwansonsMoustache · 27/09/2017 09:50

Infertility can be really fucking awful - I think sometimes you don’t need to express your opinion for a “petty victory”. She’s obviously struggling - why make her feel even worse for no reason? What’s wrong with being nice?!

stella23 · 27/09/2017 09:51

Yes you were really nasty. Why didn't you just scroll on

RhiannonOHara · 27/09/2017 09:51

I've learned that it's best not to get into arguments about children either way –having them or not having them. It's just too much of a minefield.

livefornaps · 27/09/2017 09:52

Your point was valid but directly attacking her like that was mean. It basically implied "stop judging me because you will n.e.v.e.r. k.n.o.w. what this is like". You get to enjoy your kids, despite all the work, she doesn't.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 27/09/2017 09:52

I think that was really nasty. She is obviously struggling with infertility.

RavingRoo · 27/09/2017 09:54

Petty victory. You should feel bad. She’s infertile and expressing her frustration in a way she felt safe - you removed the safety of SM from her. People find it very hard to talk about their infertility as it is. Make a public apology.

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2017 09:54

It wouldn't have killed you to scroll past, would it? Hmm

guilty100 · 27/09/2017 09:54

What liveformaps says. Just turn her on silent if she's ignoring you. Jesus.

namechanger2735 · 27/09/2017 09:55

It's a very stupid thing to say.
Different people have different lives and different problems, its not your fault she can't have children. It's a shame for her, definitely but that doesn't mean no one is allowed to vent about a hard day looking after their child.
like saying don't complain if you hurt your leg as some people don't have legs

formerbabe · 27/09/2017 09:56

Oh and quite honestly, her comment could be applied to many things in life.

My parents are dead. I often hear my friends and posters on here moaning about their parents. I don't say anything.

If I eat a bad meal in a restaurant, I might moan about it...well, there's people starving in the world isn't there.

You can go on and on can't you...

Athome77 · 27/09/2017 09:57

Yes you were a bit bitchy, others have said you don't know what she was going thru etc, however she was also being quite nasty about another woman and not considering what the other woman who was having a bad day and has not walked a day in the life of whatever the other woman has gone thru so she doesn't have the right to make statements about them. All said I think your both wrong and just cause she was nasty first doesn't give you a right to....

TurnipCake · 27/09/2017 09:58

Fuck OP, that was totally unnecessary.

I see stuff that irritates me on FB all the time and either I scroll past or recently stop going on altogether

VeryCunningStunt · 27/09/2017 09:59

She's obviously in a situation that she's finding very painful and you stuck the knife in even deeper. There was no need

Absolutely. You could have just scrolled past, but for some reason it was more important to you to make someone who is struggling feel even more shit.

Nice Hmm