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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a bitch?

505 replies

ModernFamily2017 · 27/09/2017 09:37

NC as this is identifying

Last night a girl I used to work with on posted on FB something along the lines of:

'It makes me so angry when I hear parents complaining about their children! They need to realise how lucky they are and think of those of us who can't have any children and would do anything to be in their shoes'

I don't know why but it really annoyed me, I hated the 'judgyness' of if so I commented Blush

I said something along the lines of: 'Being a parent is bloody hard work and I don't know anyone who hasn't complained about their children at one point or another. It doesn't mean we love them any less. I know it's horrible for women who can't have children but that doesn't give you the right to judge those who can. It's hard enough raising a child without people judging you all the time.

She then deleted her post and I felt a small victory but also pretty bad Blush I just hate sweeping statements like that!

WIBU

OP posts:
DiseasesOfTheSheep · 27/09/2017 10:47

I don't think this is about being "right" - it's about being a decent human being, and showing kindness to someone who is clearly struggling.

Wheresmytaco · 27/09/2017 10:47

If you can have a moan about your kids, so can she. It's her Facebook. If she was on MN posting on people's threads that would be different. Or commenting on your FB posts etc. I moan about my kids all the one but I did once few like her. Worth being reminded of it as a parent. She's not judging you for having a hard time. She's saying remember what you've got.

I remember feeling a bit like "oh and are your diamond shoes too tight as well?"

PoorYorick · 27/09/2017 10:48

I would cut a lot of slack for people suffering infertility.

I have a few twits on my feed who never miss an opportunity to tell us how horrific it would be to have a child. I just ignore them too.

Wheresmytaco · 27/09/2017 10:48

*I moan about my kids all the time but I once felt like her

Original poster
ModernFamily2017 · 27/09/2017 10:48

Then why are you doing a thread about it and asking the question "was I a bitch?"

I genuinely wanted to hear others opinions. After reading a few and taking in what people said I agreed with them saying I was horrible etc. But that didn't change the way I felt about what was posted.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 27/09/2017 10:50

I do agree what I said may make me a bitch but honestly I don't care

So why did you post?

Pigface1 · 27/09/2017 10:50

Her point was silly. She was saying 'I can't have something so people who do have it shouldn't moan about it

BUT - her silly post affected you in no way whatsoever. There was no need for you to respond. You could have ignored it and kept on scrolling. Instead, you spotted someone struggling with the heartbreaking pain of infertility and decided to kick them on a public forum.

Then you came on here under the pretence of asking MN if you were a bitch. You've now admitted that you don't care whether you were a bitch, which means that you actually came on here to brag about what you perceived as your 'victory' (I.e. Humiliating someone who's going through something incredibly painful. A real victory indeed!)

Yes. You sound like a real bitch.

TealStar · 27/09/2017 10:50

YABU
I can't stand the attitude of entitled parents who think their battles are harder than anyone else's. You do not have the right to be professionally offended by this!

I imagine that very little can beat the pain of infertility. I am a parent and I get sick of people venting publicly about their problematic children.
Op if I had read that I would have likely felt a big surge of sadness for my friend and thank my lucky stars before scrolling on past.

PoorYorick · 27/09/2017 10:52

If you don't care about being a bitch and won't change your behaviour based on it, I don't see why you wanted to hear anyone's opinion on it.

Astella22 · 27/09/2017 10:52

Yip you were BU - infertility is just awful on every level and she didn't target you specifically in her comment.

kateandme · 27/09/2017 10:52

to have a vicory of sorts over it then yes kind of UR.you said you opinion but more for a fighgt to win thatn because it was wrong of her.
fb can be such a vent for some people.a one liner way of venting what they cant always say outloud to people or the world and sometimes it can lead people to be more honest than they perhaps should be if they were talking to someone 1-1.its the way of the world..
.usually the people on there friends list no them well enough to see a sweeping statement or vent and could ignore. something a the time obviously hurt her so she spoke out.maybe wrongly but snipe back I think could have only hurt her more hence her deleting her message.

subsy1a · 27/09/2017 10:53

The fact that you are questioning your behaviour on MN is probably all the answer you need?

NoSleepSinceSpring · 27/09/2017 11:01

Unless you've been through infertility I don't think you can understand how emotionally devastating it is. But even without a first hand experience of it, surely you could see this woman was struggling. You should have scrolled past and ignored.

UnicornSparkles1 · 27/09/2017 11:05

You sound like a nasty piece of work.

Buxtonstill · 27/09/2017 11:08

Yes, you were a bitch. I hope that the other lady is not feeling too dreadful after you were unnecessarily nasty to her. You could have just ignored the post.

Looneytune253 · 27/09/2017 11:11

I think you were completely right. Her post was completely unnecessary and judgy. She might be struggling with infertility but parenting is bloody hard at times. We should be allowed to talk about it. Defo her problem.

lottieandmia · 27/09/2017 11:14

I would have left it. Infertility must be a terrible thing. If I were you I would apologise.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/09/2017 11:18

What subsy said. There are too many people like you, OP, judging away and pecking at other people's free speech. Could you not have backspaced out? Just ignored it?

You know it was unkind and unnecessary and that's why you're posting.

JonSnowsWife · 27/09/2017 11:18

but that didn't change the way I felt about what was posted.

It's her page. She can post what the fuck she wants as long as it don't break FB rules. She's not written it on your page.

You are not forced to see her page. There are three options. Scroll on. Unfollow. Unfriend.

I have several acquaintances hidden on my page because of some of the crap they post. I can then check back in when I want. No harm done and I don't give them sanctimonious dressing downs over stuff I really shouldn't be arguing about in the first place.

pigeondujour · 27/09/2017 11:19

Facebook is emphatically not a 'safe place' if you've got people like ex-work colleagues on it.

That would have annoyed me too, OP (though I mightn't have commented as Facebook arguments are rarely worth it). Infertility is the only difficult circumstance on here that seems, for some people, to trump everyone else's feelings at all times.

loobyloo1234 · 27/09/2017 11:20

Hope she's blocked you now OP. Well done on your 'victory' Confused

pigeondujour · 27/09/2017 11:20

It's got literally nothing to do with free speech.

Sosks · 27/09/2017 11:21

I think that was a really, really, shitty thing to do.

When you can't have kids (or in my case, lose a child) all you think about is 'why me', and seeing parents be nasty to their children just makes it feel worse. It feels like you must have done something really terrible in a past life to deserve this pain.

She was just venting something that hurts her and you saw that as an opportunity to make a 'small victory'? You get to brush it off now and go back to your kids, do you not see how unfair that is? Yes, you were a massive bitch and you should feel bad.

dailydance · 27/09/2017 11:22

Yes you were.

I didn't read it that she was judging; I took it that she was having a moan about parents complaining and pointing out to parents how lucky they are. IMO there is a difference between moaning and judging. Tbf I am saying this as someone who also won't be having children so I can understand where she's coming from.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/09/2017 11:23

I genuinely wanted to hear others opinions. After reading a few and taking in what people said I agreed with them saying I was horrible etc. But that didn't change the way I felt about what was posted.

Well, yes, you said I was a bitch and I don't care.

It's very odd to start an AIBU, canvassing opinions just for conversation rather than to analyse the actual situation.

So is it just for attention then?