To think I don't belong on mumsnet

[Jollygoodsnow]

Is mumsnet thoroughly middle class? Often I feel out of my depth on here. People talking about what to do with their £50k inheritance or where to buy to get the most out of their £1.5mil. And here I am with DH living in the south in a rented home trying so hard to get a foot on the ladder because you'd be lucky to get anything worthwhile round here for less that £250k

Then there's the people asking do you like this dress/top/bag and I open the link and it's an item of £80 £200 or more etc etc. Who is spending that sort of money on themselves? And how? I want in on it!

Then there's those on a good salary. I earn minimum wage. Going all over the world on holiday, we go to Butlins

Posts about problems with the nanny, the cleaner bla bla

Life is not a conparison game but how do others seem to just land on their feet so well or people on here just lying through their teeth? I work hard for my money and so does DH , we've not much debt and money in the bank but I just have this nagging feeling others are galloping through life whilst I'm sort of trotting catching up behind?

Feel free to enlighten me with your stories of 'normalness'

Either than or perhaps I should pop over to netmums

I agree with a PP that we tend to mix with people in a similar financial situation to ourselves or the next step up or down (clumsy wording but hopefully you know what I mean). On a site like this the range is much broader and you do get a larger number of relatively well off people. I think when you are faced with people who appear to have a lot more than you and those you know it does make you stop and think about your frame of reference.

However, there are lots of bits of this site where the differences in income and lifestyle are utterly irrelevant. If you every want evidence of the positives of this site take a look at Woolly Hugs (making blankets for ill people, bereaved parents etc.)

My brother own his own house, has two brand new cars on his drive and really gets on my tits when he goes on about "hard work" giving him everything and how I and my sister should have the same.
YY, this whole idea of "hard work brings financial reward" is such a con. Some of the hardest working people are in construction, the NHS, food service etc on low wages and living hand to mouth. Yes it's hard to do 60+ hours a week at a desk job, but it's even harder to do that many hours of physical labour or appeasing members of the public.

OP if it helps, I think you're comparing the highlight reel of everyone's life (if they're even true) with all the behind the scenes footage of yours.

So Poster A goes on holiday but has no cleaner or nanny and rents. Poster B has a cleaner and no holiday in yonks and isn't technically married to partner and has no joint account so pays for everything out of her own pocket; but is posting on a thread about how her DP earns six figures. Poster C has a trust fund but never mentions it when talking about her £150 bag etc. Poster D buys her shoes on credit.

Put it all together and it can feel like everyone has nice new shoes and clothes and holidays and earn humongous amounts while you are stuck. I instead turn my focus on how lucky I am in multiple ways, and I find writing a gratitude journal really helps. So many of our blessings are things we take for granted so easily.

If you're lucky enough to have kids you just need to read one of the heartbreaking threads on the TTC forums to know how blessed you are with something that is genuinely just a lottery. Or health, or a DP who treats you well, or family that will not begrudge you an occasional night off, or no batshit crazy relatives. Not suggesting being smug, but just being aware that your life too probably has loads of great things going on but you need to change your mindset slightly to see them!

It's a bit like Facebook. Look at what I have where we are what we're doing.
When in reality it's all utter bollox.
I just read smile and move on...

I'd always assumed absolutely the opposite OP.

Op have you ever lost a close relative? Do you feel inheriting money from your mother or father is falling on ones feet?

sunseptember Have you ever lost a close relative and had to borrow money so you could actually afford a funeral?

Of course it's not bollocks Lost. What a strange assumption.

There's a massive cross-section of people on all income brackets here - I haven't noticed one bracket or the other dominating at all. I will say though that to assume that those on good incomes have 'landed on their feet' is a bit unfair - in our case it involved years of study at university, working in some seriously dangerous and unpleasant parts of the world and in DH's case, working his arse off from being the tea boy / sweeper upper to owning his own company.
Some people have lots of money, some don't, but to assume all wealthy people just somehow 'landed' there is as unfair to assume as it would be to assume those on low incomes just weren't trying.

I have been so poor that when I was pregnant I have had to beg someone for a biscuit at work as it was the only thing I ate for 3 days. Now I am comfortable enough that I can save a little money each month and go on budget holidays and although I have debts they are small and disappearing.
My wardrobe still consists of mostly eBay / charity shop clothes that are being replaced with new as they wear out and I cried with happiness when I bought brand new bedside tables rather than up-cycling from freecycle..... I feel like a millionaire these days!

I personally love reading the threads of those who appear to be really wealthy, the ones who are having cleaner/ nanny/ gardener/ private jet and diamond problems its like watching a movie where you can interact. But just because the problems seem too out of my world to believe sometimes doesn't mean they aren't real problems for some people.
I come here for support and also for entertainment.

I couldn't really care less what others earn etc.

It's not like it defines me

You sound as if you have a chip on your shoulder OP.

I do know what you mean - we have never been well off and I am certainly not middle class, but i know lots of people who had similar backgrounds to me ( council house, rough schooling) who think that they are! Its all about the image these days and i just shrug and think ' good luck to them' - the older you get the more you realise that none of it really matters at all. Too much 'judging' goes on these days, i keep away from as much of it as i can.

Why shouldn't people who are wealthier than you be able to discuss housing, fashion, schooling, etc?
I find huge variations across Mumsnet.
It would really bother me if the fashion threads filled up even more than they already do with people whinging " you can get that at Primark for a tenner". See also the idea that noone can complain about private school or every mention of a holiday being prefaced with "this is the first holiday we've had in 5 years". It's dull. Some people have more money than others, there's no need to pretend we are all the same.

I quite like the dickishness of Mumsnet. If we see a bossy woman, dragging her kids around some English heritage site, booming 'educational' info at them, wearing Boden - we always say "Mumsnet!"

i don't belong here, either. But am curious how the servant owning classes live. I'm on a few forums but only one where I feel utterly amongst likeminded people - it ain't this one. This is like being on safari.

I thought it was dissaprove day of to say you were well off on Mumsnet. I got the impression that most posters think well off people are unsympathetic, Tory, tax avoiding, shallow show offs who can't possible relate to people who are less well off.

You're not being insensitive with your inheritance comments OP, as someone who lost a mum in my early twenties I feel entitled to see others who lost their parents and got an inheritance that enabled them to buy a home as falling on their feet. My poor mum had nothing, she left almost enough to cover her funeral but no more and as my brother and I were young a poor we really struggle to scrape up the cost of the headstone, for which I got into debt. I would absolutely see myself as having fallen on my feet if she'd happened to have left me money. It wouldn't take away the pain of losing her but it would certainly have made life easier both in the immediate aftermath and in years since.

Op have you ever lost a close relative? Do you feel inheriting money from your mother or father is falling on ones feet?

What a wanky comment.

Yes it is, if you live long enough, we all lose close relatives. It is inevitable. And honestly try dealing with bereavement and the struggle to find money to pay for a funeral at the same time. It makes a bloody hard situation worse.

I think there are wealthy people on her but also (probably more) people playing out a fantasy Jilly Cooper inspired daydream life whilst actually being more or less average one way or another. People who post a lot specifically about being wealthy are probably in the second category.

I expect we could all find reasons we don't belong here, I certainly don't. I like the place though, sometimes because it's unintentionally hilarious, other times because it's illuminating and educational.

The thing is, as so many have said, this is a snapshot, it's so far from the full picture. I could easily reply to you that if you moved out of the South East you'd find house prices much more affordable, and since you earn minimum wage you wouldn't even take a pay cut to do so. Presumably, though, there are unseen factors at work that mean you can't or won't move out of the SE. They might be completely out of your control, they might be choices. Whatever, I undoubtedly don't have the full picture of why you live where you live.

Just remember that what you see here is undoubtedly not the full story. It's easy to be envious, I'm hugely envious of things I see posted here (about travel, houses, body size and shape, jobs) but most people have got some shit going on somewhere, it's different shit to my shit.

Comparison is the thief of joy and all that OP. Just stop reading threads that make you feel like shit.

Before joining MN I lived in a bubble. I see the opposite to you, my eyes have been widened by the real struggles of most people in this country and it's made me a better person for it.

Don't forget only 5% of the population has an income of more than £80,000, so unless all 5% are on MN, you're reading the wrong threads.

Also PP mentioned you shouldn't believe everything you read. I think some posters live in fantasy land and like making up stories.

I read an interesting article yesterday about Pinterest Parents - the people who only post about the perfect parts of their lives... the types you want to pin on Pinterest! Very few are going to boast about their child being sick over them or the fact they're in their overdraft once again!

I'm not looking for a debate, rather some constructive ways to help me feel I am fortunate and that life is not a race etc

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but there was a thread on here a couple days ago about whether people are ever aware of being grateful for what you have. It was very moving and may be worth you having a look, OP.

I remember a poster who couldn't afford sanitary products

I'm here for the cf stories and parking threads, oh, and children advice