To think I don't belong on mumsnet

[Jollygoodsnow]

Is mumsnet thoroughly middle class? Often I feel out of my depth on here. People talking about what to do with their £50k inheritance or where to buy to get the most out of their £1.5mil. And here I am with DH living in the south in a rented home trying so hard to get a foot on the ladder because you'd be lucky to get anything worthwhile round here for less that £250k

Then there's the people asking do you like this dress/top/bag and I open the link and it's an item of £80 £200 or more etc etc. Who is spending that sort of money on themselves? And how? I want in on it!

Then there's those on a good salary. I earn minimum wage. Going all over the world on holiday, we go to Butlins

Posts about problems with the nanny, the cleaner bla bla

Life is not a conparison game but how do others seem to just land on their feet so well or people on here just lying through their teeth? I work hard for my money and so does DH , we've not much debt and money in the bank but I just have this nagging feeling others are galloping through life whilst I'm sort of trotting catching up behind?

Feel free to enlighten me with your stories of 'normalness'

Either than or perhaps I should pop over to netmums

I've just had to raid the penny pot to afford bread and milk for the rest of the week because pay day isn't til Friday!

Oh and is mismatched dinner at least once this week, despite working everyday ! Life sucks for us, but sadly there's no way out.

OP, as far as I'm concerned mumsnet is for all of us, whether we come from a more simple background with not much money or whether we have a lot of money behind us. Have a look on credit crunch and you'll see people sharing ideas for saving money.

Constructive ways to feel better: Look around you a bit more?

You say that your close friends are a lot better off than you, and it's them that you're really complaining about, rather than MN.

To be honest, I think that is really messing with how you see yourself and the world. So, for example, you read MN and only notice the well-off posts. Do you know, I hardly ever read those posts? So my perception of MN is quite different.

Likewise, in your life, there are going to be lots of people around you who are struggling to get by.

It's not a competition. You need to stop focusing on the "What do I have?" aspect. We all do it a bit BUT it really is such a tiny bit of how to live - and the least worthwhile bit.

Get involved in politics, or in local groups that are working to improve life in some way. Around here we have community gardening groups, food banks, environmental groups, youth work, etc. etc.

Turning your attention away from the tendency to see life as a competition with another way of seeing th eworld will help. As will doing something that makes you feel you're spending your time on this earth making things better, rather than worse.

I think that sometimes we have an unconscious bias in the way we see things, @Jollygoodsnow - and that can be self-reinforcing. So you came on here and maybe the first few threads you remember seeing were from MNers who are well off or have the sort of first world problems people have talked about. That created an impression in your mind which, in turn, made you more likely to notice and remember similar threads.

My experience of MN is much more varied - yes, there's some of the sort of thing you've talked about, but I have seen so much more - incredible generosity (the MN Woolly Hugs project, for example), so many examples of people caring for and about other MNers - total strangers - intelligent debate on everything from politics and world affairs to diet, exercise and everything in between. So many truly hilarious threads, and so much good advice too.

Hopefully you can take a step back and see some of the good on here. There are so many lovely, wise, intelligent and funny people on here and it would be lovely if you could see that, benefit from it, and be part of it too.

Can I suggest you have a look in MN Classics - there are some very funny threads in there, like AIBU from the point of view of a toddler, or the one where a MNer has an elderly Korean lady in her garden, or TantrumsAndBalloons' account of looking after her friend's three year old girl, and the mayhem that ensues.

I've had quite a few cleaners over the years so have talked about that, but I'm certainly not rolling in it. I just enjoy treating myself every so often in that way - don't smoke, barely drink and it's not expensive anyway if you just have a couple of hours.

I'm a great believer that we see through our own eyes and that being wealthy is about more than having money. I practise appreciation too - it works for me.

Thank you SDT and the cat from Japan. Sorry I don't know how to use bold on your username. Both great and very helpful answers x

Normal is relative.

My normal has changed dramatically a few times.

There are not many threads like you describe in your op. I think you are exaggerating.

I'm a single mum of two on a teeny wage who shops in Asda, buys dc and my own clothes from eBay where possible and thinks a takeaway is a twice yearly treat! And plenty more here who are the same. Plenty more too who do have a good wage and so can enjoy more luxuries. I'm happy as I am and don't give two thoughts about others incomes/lifestyles! Mumsnet is a melting pot of life

I know how. You feel OP, I often laugh at threads on here, people with their problems, trivial problems about private schooling, money, fashion and how many clubs their children attend. I don't go on the fashion threads, I can't afford a £200 pair of boots or a £300 dress (you can get these for £10-£20 in primark). I can't afford for my kids to have swimming lessons or for them to take part in many activities out of school.

There are a lot of threads that are not middle class which is why I'm still here and the middle class problems do make for good reading and laughing .

You make the type bold by using an asterisk, so AdoraBell is made bold by typing - AdoraBell , but without the space.

I have loads of RL friends and for what it's worth one of them did receive £6k per month spending money but guess what? Most of my friends do not and a few of them live in ex-council houses so bit like the people on here life and posters are very varied.

I just wanted to add that it's not just about money, OP. The saying that you never know what goes on behind closed doors is absolutely true.

I am lucky, I live in a nice house, have a decent job, and drive a fairly new car. I have a Masters degree. I have four children and a husband, and we can afford a holiday every year (albeit usually in this country).

On the surface, I am living a wonderful life. The reality is that my 'D'H has been physically abuse to DS2, very emotionally abusive to DD, and also emotionally abusive to me. I am trying to end the relationship and he is trying to get every penny he can out of me.

Very few people know what has been going on in my life. I suspect that the same could be said for many people supposedly living charmed lives on MN, or indeed amongst your friends. Even my closest friends knew nothing until recently, so don't assume that this sort of thing is not happening for them.

Ultimately, what I am trying to say is, that if you are your DH are happy, have a mutually respectively and supportive relationship, then what you have is absolutely priceless, and to be treasured.

Most of my school friends have nice set ups. Went to Uni, career, house, wedding, kids. Money for holidays / savings.
I'm Bohemian by comparison, although I came from a similar home as them. We have nowt, but I wouldn't swap...
Some of them have lost a parent, sibling, have a sick child, are in negative equity, are depressed, have marriage troubles.
While, it would be nice to go on holiday or for perfectly intelligent (we didn't study hard ebough) DH & me to have careers...
I'm happy enough at the end of the day. My parents are well off, but I've never been handed anything. Nor have I asked...

If I was that wealthy I wouldn't bother with displaying the wealth - and just be bloody thankful. I think it's celebrity culture really why people feel the need to show everyone how much better they are than others. find this more in middle class people, though they would deny to the grave they are interested in celeb culture

Thanks AdoraBell I have always wondered

Thanks AdoraBell I have always wondered

I just posted on a thread about spending money. I don't have any money to spend on myself. The poster after me, she and her dp have £2500 each a month. I went wrong somewhere.

fridgepants "Netmums is also full of tickers, they are not appropriate at any tax bracket."

I have no idea what that means.

I find there's a good mix on here and one of the things I absolutely love about Mumsnet how it's given me access to opinions and views and experiences outside of my own environment.

I'm genuinely happy with my life, I live my dh and my daughter in a rented house, it's unlikely I'll ever earn more than minimum wage in an unsecured job and dh s self employed in construction so that's shakey at times too.

My brother and I grew up on a council estate and were dirt poor. My daughter has three meals a day, she has clothes, she has a warm home with electricity, something we didn't always have as children and she knows she's lucky to have that.

My brother own his own house, has two brand new cars on his drive and really gets on my tits when he goes on about "hard work" giving him everything and how I and my sister should have the same. He genuinely can't seem to understand why my sister and I don't own our own home by now. He and his wife live two doors away from sils unlimited free childcare providing parents. Sister and I have to pay for ours. Same parents also gave them cash on marriage towards buying a house which is more than a full years wage for me, they also inherited 30k from sils grandmother, and will inherit from sils parents in the future. I dont for one second think my sil is lucky to have lost her gran, and I know she'd rather have her gran back, but it's money that given them a significant step up and has nothing to do with them working hard. Hard work is needed yes, but many of the hardest working people I know are in the lowest paid jobs and won't ever be on the property ladder.

dd will inherit a small amount from fil, I do think she's lucky to be doing so, doesn't mean she will be happy her grandad has dead, but she known so many other people won't get that so she knows she is lucky if that makes sense.

I'm. It asking for sympathy, but this is exactly what an anonymous forum is for. In RL you can hardly complain about such stresses. I certainly gave my neighbour a big eye roll when she was bemoaning that they'd just been away too much this summer and not even had one week at home.

I havent read the full thread bit would like to say am on mat pay stautory so shite money my husband is on just above minimum wage. We rent our house. We dont have alot of money normally around 23k a year but we do fine were happy and have what i think is a normal life.
It can get a bit WOAHHHH here sometimes....i felt posh today too because i got an Ocado delivery...juat because i had a money off coupon

At different times in our lives we thought we would never ever be able to afford something e.g a house, nice holidays, new clothes etc.
It's not always forever and with a bit of luck and planning or both things can change.

Netmums indulge people and their feelings more.
Often at the expense of common sense.
Mumsnet is more blunt instrument.

Fanny I think you have a point, here.

You take a risk when you frequent forums. One of my dearest internet friends on another forum turns out to be 'Lady' somebody. I'd have run a mile if I'd known...
So its a great thing. Stick around, OP.