To think I don't belong on mumsnet

[Jollygoodsnow]

Is mumsnet thoroughly middle class? Often I feel out of my depth on here. People talking about what to do with their £50k inheritance or where to buy to get the most out of their £1.5mil. And here I am with DH living in the south in a rented home trying so hard to get a foot on the ladder because you'd be lucky to get anything worthwhile round here for less that £250k

Then there's the people asking do you like this dress/top/bag and I open the link and it's an item of £80 £200 or more etc etc. Who is spending that sort of money on themselves? And how? I want in on it!

Then there's those on a good salary. I earn minimum wage. Going all over the world on holiday, we go to Butlins

Posts about problems with the nanny, the cleaner bla bla

Life is not a conparison game but how do others seem to just land on their feet so well or people on here just lying through their teeth? I work hard for my money and so does DH , we've not much debt and money in the bank but I just have this nagging feeling others are galloping through life whilst I'm sort of trotting catching up behind?

Feel free to enlighten me with your stories of 'normalness'

Either than or perhaps I should pop over to netmums

Well op... I can’t even afford Butlins. So,you know what. You belong here and I don’t!

Yes you are right. How did you manage to get through the 100k+ income and expected inheritance filter?

(With slightly less sarcasm in reality it's as AuntLydia said "you're noting all those kinds of threads because it's something you feel resentful about".)

Not at all. Dp and myself while educated (degree and diploma) we are thoroughly working class.

I currently have a fiver to my name and he doesn't have much more. We can't afford to run a car, don't have a gardener, the though of employing a cleaner feels like a pipe dream.

When my gp die I will get some inheritance but most of their wealth is going on there elder care. One has cancer (and lives abroad so no nhs) and one is disabled so pays for a fair bit of home help. Dp's Nan is in a career home.

My mum is a nurse and mil manages a chain bakery (think Greg's but not them)

Sometimes I read threads on here about people regularly buying molton brown soap or designer clothes or issues with nannies etc and think we just live in two totally different worlds.

There are certainly threads on here about middle-class problems... And also plenty about being skint. We all are where we are and my experience has certainly never been that you'll get anything but good, helpful advice on budgeting and doing what you need to with whatever budget you have.

Don't go to Netmums; nobody there can spell, there are no clever usernames and the colours and tickers will give you a monster headache.

I'm probably even worse off than you if that helps! :D

MN 'belongs' to anyone who wants to be here, for whatever reason, providing they can adhere to the Talk Guidelines.

One reason for disparity is simply because MN has been around quite a long time, so some of us who started here with small children and near the start of careers, or low on the 'housing ladder' are now old middle aged and 'ahead' for that reason.

To above posters, I've made no reference to inheritance being falling on your feet. I know that's a very sad way to come into money. I mean buy parebts lending it, or good jobs with not a lot of legwork etc, lucky breaks I suppose is a better term

I think there's quite a broad mix of people. I don't click on any of the posts about nannies or inheritance because they really don't apply to me. There are plenty of other posts that do interest me though. And I'm broke and living in a building site of a 'house'.

There's a very broad spectrum on here, and I think, often, people focus on the posts which stand out to them more and, in your case, these are the posts where the writer has more money or a bigger house or whatever.
FWIW, I live in a rented house admittedly a lovely one on the coast with my DP. I work 50 hour weeks for a relatively low wage and he is self-employed. We cannot afford to buy a home together yet, nor can we afford to have children for the forseeable, something we both dearly want. We're doing alright though, we're saving slowly and we're optimistic. It takes all sorts.

Silly me, I see I did mention inheritance, gosh I'm tired and fed up! Sorry all, my above comment of knowing that's not 'falling on your feet' does conpletely stand x

I don't earn great money op , my DP and I are in caring professions and we shop at Tesco :-)

As much as I'd love to spend £80 on a top , my budget lends itself more to finding a second hand version on eBay! My dd has riding lessons but we go out of area for cheaper lessons and she borrows a helmet as we're saving the extravagance of a brand new one for her birthday.

This said , if people can spend £££s on clothing and holidays etc then good on them , if I had more I'd definitely spend more!

I feel your pain OP. We're also in the South East and are struggling to afford new clothes etc. We're finally (after nearly 7 years) finally in a position where we can afford to buy a home outright (currently in a shared ownership house) so I've been hanging around a lot on the property boards. The number of posters on there talking about living in 3000sft houses or debating whether to get a house with either a 5th bedroom or a house with land is a bit staggering.

Hi kit Kat I'm south east too, near Brighton

Jolly you clearly don't belong in my Mumsnet world

I'm sat here, a lady of leisure, drinking champagne & pondering what to spend all my spare cash on...

(Some people might try & tell you I'm eating last nights leftover Chinese and avoiding the mountain of housework, but they are just jealous and clearly liars )

We have just bought our first house thanks to inheriting a share of my mum's home - it was an inexpensive family home when purchased almost 30 years ago. I'm very lucky that we can now own a home despite a pitiful household income (I have several chronic illnesses and manage 15 hours a month working and some of my own stuff) but definitely don't class my mum dying at 61 and before I had kids as "landing on my feet"

You can very easily be proven wrong:
just start a thread criticising social housing or women deciding to have children despite being on benefit.
or a thread about the difficulty of being a landlord
or a thread about your laundry routine ( nothing to do with finance, but also guaranteed to start a bunfight )

There are so many threads about people struggling with the cost of uniforms, etc.
I find MN a bit one-sided, but not the way you see it!

When I was tarting up our kitchen I had a good laugh hanging out on the "what are your kitchen must-have" threads. Everyone's like, "boiling water taps and a 2k range cooker", and I'm like "a drawer for your cutlery and a hook for your tea towels".

And yet in real life I'm fairly well off compared to my friends in the "just getting by" camp, yes, thanks to an inheritance that bought my house.

FWIW I personally don't find your comments about inheritance insensitive. Yes, I would of course rather have had my mother's emotional support in her presence than the modest financial support she left me, but I know she was able to have what she had not only through hard work but also through the same small amount of privilege and good luck that I've benefited from too.

But then why mention inheritances op?

How do you view that? I am sure nearly everyone on here who has had an inheritance would rather have that person to be alive. I don't see how its relevant to what your saying.

Its sad when people compare themselves to others to this degree, comparison is the thief of joy. I am lucky I was brought up not to be materialistic, the people around me were all, always.

I have a huge family with very varying degrees of wealth within, not once have I wanted anyone else life - in RL not once.

You also say getting good jobs without much legwork. How can you come to that assumption?

I worked hard as a mature student to be become a solicitor. My DH's parents were a teacher and a nurse and he worked hard to become a solicitor too.

We have nice holidays, ok cars, a nice house and kids in private school but not by falling on our feet etc but by the sheer slog of studying, working and DH works all hours and is contactable at all times (including weekends and holidays) so that we can have these things. So when someone comes on to say How do I tell my cleaner such and such - maybe like us they worked hard to get what they have? Why is there always an assumption that people haven't and it has just fallen in their lap?

Luck (good or bad) sometimes comes into play but so does work. There are people at both ends of the scale that work hard just as there are those at both ends of the scale that don't! I hate the generalisation bandied about and will not apologise for the things I have that we have earned as a couple.

I agree that some threads on here are slightly 'first world problems' eg "do I tell the nanny to stop stealing my food from the fridge" type threads.

However, just because someone has more money than someone else doesn't mean that they don't experience grief, pain, illness, fertility problems, abusive relationships etc.

I agree that I watch Location, Location, Location & wonder how on earth a couple in their late 20's can afford to buy a property 3 times the value of our property, but - well - lucky them I guess!

I'm not middle class. I rent a flat above a takeaway, I'm a single mum with one DS. No education past GCSE level. I work in a call centre and a pub. I actually do get by fairly comfortably but this is due to factors such as living in a cheap area of the country, not owning a car and a good amount of child maintenance from my exh who is a high rate tax payer. I'm definitely not well off though and the chances of me ever becoming a homeowner are slim.

I'm probably wrong but I feel like the starkest contrast seems to be with people who live in the South East - posters seem to be either rich beyond my comprehension or really struggling to survive. I think I'd be struggling to get by on our income if we lived there. We're in a cheap area of the country and so we're lucky enough to have a reasonable standard of living.

I didnt get an inheritance from DM but even if I had I would have much rather had her with me - enjoying her GC and enriching our lives and being there and us being there for her. A gift no money can buy - and certainly wouldnt look on it at a lucky break.