To think I don't belong on mumsnet

[Jollygoodsnow]

Is mumsnet thoroughly middle class? Often I feel out of my depth on here. People talking about what to do with their £50k inheritance or where to buy to get the most out of their £1.5mil. And here I am with DH living in the south in a rented home trying so hard to get a foot on the ladder because you'd be lucky to get anything worthwhile round here for less that £250k

Then there's the people asking do you like this dress/top/bag and I open the link and it's an item of £80 £200 or more etc etc. Who is spending that sort of money on themselves? And how? I want in on it!

Then there's those on a good salary. I earn minimum wage. Going all over the world on holiday, we go to Butlins

Posts about problems with the nanny, the cleaner bla bla

Life is not a conparison game but how do others seem to just land on their feet so well or people on here just lying through their teeth? I work hard for my money and so does DH , we've not much debt and money in the bank but I just have this nagging feeling others are galloping through life whilst I'm sort of trotting catching up behind?

Feel free to enlighten me with your stories of 'normalness'

Either than or perhaps I should pop over to netmums

They are, of course, good plated ginger nuts

Social media has a lot to answer for. i know i'm old and can do the ' back in the day' thing, but generally people were a bit happier as they wasnt able to see much of anyone's lives, unless they lived with them or knew them really well. Now i see pictures of happy people with fantastic lives on facebook, but i still think 'hmm, is it really like that??' of course its not all the time. They only show the best bits of course! you have to learn to be a bit cynical at times.

I just don't get this Boden thing. The kids clothes are cute but the adult clothes are frumpy and predictable. No?

I've not read the full thread so apologies if this has already been said.. my dad always says "you can be anyone you want when you're on holiday"........

My boys (age 6 and 2) have tons of Boden because their boy kid stuff is really cute and with boy clothes it can be difficult to find I things I like. I'm 24 and feel too young for the adult stuff though, definitely wouldn't wear any of it.

Jolly As a pp said when you're reading a thread on MN you may well just be seeing the "highlights" of a persons life. It's always worth remembering that it really is just a snapshot and not necessarily a truthful one isn't the full picture you may perceive it to be.

So using the £200 dress example, ok I could afford to buy one. But I certainly couldn't have all my dresses costing that and in reality most of my clothes are high street/department store/supermarket/Primark! I would have no reason to make that clear if I start a thread asking for opinions on the 200 quid dress though, would I?

I think also it's worth reminding yourself that you may be comparing with posters who are just at a different stage in their lives than you. It's easy to assume people have led a charmed life because right now they are comfortable and have a lifestyle you can't afford. They may be 10 or 15 years further on than you though, with say the expensive child care years behind them. Or maybe they're two promotions down the line having done the low paid jobs previously.

We don't know what anyone's life was like before this point and we certainly don't know how their lives will be in the future, it's not worth allowing yourself feel unhappy or resentful.

As another PP said, MN has done the opposite for me and released me from the bubble.. I never understood the seriousness of the poverty in the UK (shamefully I know). I've been poor, but I've never had to choose between eating or heating the house. Whilst I might have heard about it on the news I've never understood or listened to real accounts of abject poverty that exists in this country. I kind of naively assumed it happened in thirld world countries. Whilst I can't stand on the street handing out fivers and advice it's changed my attitude HUGELY. I now donate to the food bank in every supermarket. Be it if I go in for a tin of beans (I'll buy two, 1 for me, 1 for the bank) or a huge shop I strive to add something (mostly £10 when doing a big shop). It's only the power of MN that really high lighted to me the plight of some peoples struggles in the UK. I imagine most of my neighbours/friends equally as blissfully ignorant in their relatively gilded cages in the south west. It's been a game changer and I constantly wish to help. By the way I wouldn't be spending £200 on a handbag either! I may have done in the past, I can afford to, but it doesn't sit right to do so anymore. Salvation Army got most of my handbag money last year!

"There are not many threads like you describe in your op. I think you are exaggerating"

Yep, this ^^

I think mumsnet provides an opportunity to be perhaps more open about finances than in RL with friends. If i wanted to talk about a new £100 purse, for example, i was considering buying i would do it on here. I wouldn't have that conversation with a friend who i know was struggling to find £50 for a child's school uniform.

I agree there's a widespread of views and incomes here - but I don't read the style and beauty board do perhaps I've missed the handbags!

Are you me OP?

It's better to be the poor relation to a group of financially better off mates than the top of the ladder iyswim. As the poor relation I can aspire to achieve more and my friends do encourage me to. I can also watch and learn how the little issues they fret over are often quite silly and I can feel thankful I'll never agonise over a £200 dress or the choice of holiday destination

There are some people posting on MN who are properly in some sort of crazy wealthy bubble. Birth lottery winners. I hope they're learning how damn lucky they are and giving some of their dosh to help the less fortunate.

Jollygoodsnow I understand, I feel resentful too and hate that I do. We rent and both work hard and manage to have a standard of living that means we can pay everything but not much else. We have to run two cars as we both need them for our jobs and I recognise that's a luxury for many. They are old with 100k+ miles each though.

I know someone who is buying £1.1 million house outright. They could give me £20k to get on the property ladder and they wouldn't even notice it was gone. They earned their money so of course I don't begrudge them or really feel they should give me money haha - my point is that it's hard when something is so so out of reach to you but so easy for someone else.

When DPs parents pass we will inherit their house which is the only way we ever be able to own I think. Obviously we don't want that to happen for as long as possible and it's really sad that a couple working semi decent jobs can't buy without inheritance. It's not that long ago that people in our professions would have found it far easier to save.

So did anyone else feel a bit twitchy without Pokémon go today. On the plus side I got a lot of chores done around the house.

Oops. I don't think I belong on this thread 😂😂😂

I'm always surprised at the number of posters who think other posters are lying about wealth.

There are currently almost 5000 houses worth more than £2m for sale in London. There are a lot of people with a lot of money out there.

What a load of old soapy nonsense vino.

Do you watch Disney films a lot?

I rather like my 'soapy nonsense', Elendon. It's seen me through some pretty rough times, and I'm much more content for it. I could have written a lot of the OP's post myself a few years ago. Suffice to say I felt compelled to reply. I was only offering my two pence worth and my words were kindly meant. Be a dear and put your claws away. I'm not interested in being swiped at. Better yet, since you raised the subject, why don't you go watch some Disney - try and soften the apparent chip on your shoulder?

There are vast differences between people. Some are poor, some are rich. But to say if you have money you have fallen on your feet is just rubbish.

A lot of people earn huge sums of money. I know many people who earn over 100k a year, whose partners earn similar salaries. It tends not to be luck though.

I am always the poor relation, but I CHOSE not to go into banking or the law for example.

I would love to earn 100k a year, but certainly couldnt have coped with climbing the ladder to get there.

PokemonGo my husband has just left me and son to go raid two gyms, get balls, spin something that meant he'd not lose his streak or whatever he said after my eyes rolled back all the way to block my ears from hearing this crap 'Tesco'

I do know someone who is happily married, lots of money between them (In the 80,000 bracket), cute kids, lots of holidays and trips, great social life and friends as well as flexible working so she sees a lot of her kids but still earns a great wage. But those 'perfect' types are rare and although I envy her, I know I have more strength and resilience. She has little as everything has been pretty easy for her.
I completely agree when others say "If you work hard, you can have what they do.' Not true. A childcare worker is never going to earn anywhere near what a senior HR manager etc would but is no doubt working more hours IN a job workplace than the HR person who is able to choose and select their own hours and work a lot from home.

I hear you OP. I struggle a lot on here as well

JayDot 😂 I've given up making excuses. I'm owning it. 💪🏻

Haven't rtft, but I think there is a mixture of people on here. Like a pp said, yes there are people who probably have a lot more luxuries, but there are some I would take with a pinch of salt. It's just a snap shot of their life that they've decided to discuss on mumsnet.

I don't believe a lot of the tales of wealth on here.

MN is a good mix, I'd say.

I fell pregnant by accident. Before that my partner and I were living paycheque to paycheque by choice. We spent all our money on nights out, holidays, expensive bars and clothes etc. We literally had no savings, no equity. Just loads of great memories and experiences. We live in a riverside 'apartment' that we rent, up several flights of stairs with no lift and 100% not baby friendly.
Since falling pregnant I panicked about money and started saving every penny to get through Mat leave. I now shop on eBay for clothes, a 'posh' meal is an Aldi pizza and wine. We've nearly got enough for a deposit for a house but can't afford to keep paying all our bills (bye bye sky tv). I'm still breastfeeding because I can't afford formula so I spent half my nights expressing because I work full time.

In summary, no, you're not alone

I don't mind people talking about their wealth ect, it's just the snobbery you tend to get on threads here that I've not really noticed on other forums.. the endless 'chavvy' comments about perfectly fine baby names and clear distaste towards people of a 'lower' class