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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put all of yesterday's washing up on DH's car bonnet

377 replies

drfostersbra · 26/09/2017 06:07

I cook, DH washes up. Well that's the agreement that we come to every few months after a huge row when I ask why he has decided not to wash up again.

If there's one thing that pushes my buttons, it's coming downstairs in the morning after cooking a lovely meal the night before and finding stinking dirty washing up.

I'm at home all day with our very mobile baby today and there's no side board space to prepare food and a bad smell that I have to sit with all day.

Bastard.
So would I be U to put it all in on his car bonnet so he will need to move it before he starts his day (as I will have to do)
It annoys me that it's always good for a few months then he leaves it for one night, I let it go, 2 nights I think 'oh he must be tired I'll do it', 3 nights hmm he's slacking. 4 nights arggggh!

OP posts:
PickAChew · 28/09/2017 18:59

Oh, and he's quite clever. Almost as clever as me.

whatdidImiss · 28/09/2017 19:02

mother - domestic work is not necessarily crap. Not all the time. It depends on your perspective. Lots of people think very highly of themselves in their jobs, but when they really ask what they are contributing to the wider good, they have to admit a large part of their job is actually meaningless crap.

All that happens is, some couples like to do a bit of everything each - both have a job, take turns with domestic tasks etc. Fine. Some couples have more split roles because of their personalities and circumstances. That's how it pans out, but it's still equal overall.

LyannaStarktheWolfMaid · 28/09/2017 19:03

Working out a fair division of labour is hard, because all work-jobs are not equal, and all house-jobs are not equal, and there are complicated factors such as mental load, commuting time, sleep debt, etc, etc. It's hard go to make sure everybody works equally hard when the tasks are unequal in so many ways. I think maybe the most important thing here is that the lack of washed dishes is driving the OP nuts, and in a loving marriage we make an effort not to do things that make our other halves crazy. He should definitely do the bloody dishes!!

Mittens1969 · 28/09/2017 19:09

My DH used to happily change nappies for our DDs when he was at home, why is it the mum's job and not the dad's? The children are his as much as hers after all. How ridiculous!

Wheresmytaco · 28/09/2017 19:24

My husband adores me. He does everything he possibly could to make me happy.

He is also a great provider and loving father to our five children. He and I are completely devoted to our children and each other. Our children have everything they could wish for, because my husband works hard at a demanding job.

I take great joy in making a comfortable home for all of us.

It is with great pride that I can tell you that I have never expected him to wash a dish or change a nappy. That is my job.

My husband is a clever and remarkable man. Our lives would be much poorer without him. Making a clean and comfortable home for him is not too great a price to pay.

You're both shit parents though.

Wheresmytaco · 28/09/2017 19:25

Can't imagine teaching my daughters they were born to be the help and that my boys they were born to be looked after.

Hope you're trolling

timeisnotaline · 28/09/2017 19:39

I am proud that my husband changed every single nappy the first 4 days my son was alive, while I fed him and recovered. Now that's parenting and role modelling.

whatdidImiss · 28/09/2017 20:07

My DH did change nappies back in the day when he was home and I do think that's important. But taco and also time, maybe the pp's DH does things for her or his family that your DH's wouldn't dream of? We just don't know.

motherinferior · 28/09/2017 20:12

I am a clever and remarkable woman. My partner doesn't consider it his role to do my share of domestic stuff, though.

Gay men seem to manage to keep quite nice houses...

TheLegendOfBeans · 28/09/2017 20:28

Honeybee

Is your surname Rees-Mogg?

Maireadplastic · 28/09/2017 20:44

Ah, I remember Honeybee. The last time she posted that 'my children want for nothing' stuff (is that a good thing, btw?) I asked if she was real.

Toadinthehole · 28/09/2017 20:48

To give a similar example of the same thing: my DW does hardly any household chores and consistently leaves dishes for me, never cooks, and leaves clutter everywhere. She is a white South African whose family employed a maid to do these things. So she never learned tidy habits, genuinely believes that she's above these things and bitterly resents having to do them.

So I have every sympathy with women who shout at their lazy husbands who were also brought up with the bad habit of leaving mess for other people.

timeisnotaline · 28/09/2017 20:55

Exactly toad - only instead of maids they had mums.

HoneyBeeMum1 · 28/09/2017 21:00

...and you are such a wit taco.

My son and my daughters can be whatever they want to be. Their happiness is our first priority. My husband and I have brought them up to have the confidence to strive for whatever they want.

If my daughters want to devote themselves to motherhood and homemaking, that is fine.

If they would rather devote themselves to their careers, that is fine too.

It would break my heart if our beloved son - who is a highly intelligent and hardworking young man - found himself trapped in an abusive relationship with an ungrateful harpy.

pigeondujour · 28/09/2017 21:00

People who are married to these above-chores people- were they always like that? I find it hard to comprehend how these people end up married!

HoneyBeeMum1 · 28/09/2017 21:02

Are you real Plastic Mairead?

Ropsleybunny · 28/09/2017 21:07

My son and my daughters can be whatever they want to be. Their happiness is our first priority. My husband and I have brought them up to have the confidence to strive for whatever they want.

If my daughters want to devote themselves to motherhood and homemaking, that is fine.

If they would rather devote themselves to their careers, that is fine too.

It would break my heart if our beloved son - who is a highly intelligent and hardworking young man - found himself trapped in an abusive relationship with an ungrateful harpy.

Oh the irony!

Wheresmytaco · 28/09/2017 21:08

und himself trapped in an abusive relationship with an ungrateful harpy.

Grateful for what? Hmm. Is it abusive to change nappies? Are you therefore an abused woman?

Toadinthehole · 28/09/2017 21:09

timeisnotaline,

That's exactly right. Which is why do my best to ensure that the DCs do their own chores and chip in with housework.

Unfortunately they see DW leaving things in a state and quite reasonably ask why they need to be tidier.

My reasons cover ups clearly don't always convince them.

The fact that society still has the attitude that this is mum's work is an enormous obstacle to my efforts.

HoneyBeeMum1 · 28/09/2017 21:13

You are being obtuse taco, not clever.

What have I said that could possibly lead a rational person to believe I was an abused woman? Hmm

HoneyBeeMum1 · 28/09/2017 21:17

I am so sorry society isn't respecting your efforts toad. Wink

Dextersilver · 28/09/2017 21:18

Your a stay at home mum. Why can't you bloody wash up! He is at work all day and you expect him to wash up. I am a stay at home mum to 3 kids I cook EVERY day and I wash EVERY day.... come on!

Wheresmytaco · 28/09/2017 21:19

I'm not trying to be clever, it's just that you're talking bullshit

Wheresmytaco · 28/09/2017 21:19

Except she not dexter. They work the same amount of hours and they were both home.

Toadinthehole · 28/09/2017 21:19

LOL!

I don't care what society thinks of my efforts: I just want the dishes done :-)

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