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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friend should have complimented photo?

204 replies

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 25/09/2017 21:43

Friend came round yesterday, I'd been to a social family event just over a week ago and first time I'd seen her since. (She knew I'd been stressing about outfits and looking nice etc)So I got some pics up on I pad to show her.
Anyway the pics I showed her mainly featured me Smileas they were what people had txt me, facebooked etc, and not meaning to blow my own trumpet I looked nice in those pics I actually normally hate myself in pics. But I'd made a big effort for this event lost a few pounds to fit in a smaller dress, had my hair done, spent time on makeup etc.

Anyway I showed her the photos and she just went mmmm! No comment on any photo at all. As a friend who knew I'd been stressing about looking Nice for the photos I though she would at least say "oh you look lovely" but nothing.
Anyway I show her a couple more that the actual photographer had taken and I hated myself In...I said( "oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine" which is what I would have said,

Anyway no major drama and I wasn't looking for compliments as such but I just found it strange. Aibu for thinking she can't bear to see me looking nice?😉

OP posts:
happypoobum · 27/09/2017 19:25

Hmmmm,

I have to agree with PP I would be irritated if I thought someone was fishing for compliments.

Last time someone did this to me I went on at great lengths about how good the actual photography was (their sister had taken their photos) and they were massively unimpressed.

I am wondering if you came across as a bit needy.....

Atenco · 27/09/2017 19:26

I have the read the whole thread, but nowadays I'm wary of complimenting other people's photos because sometimes they themselves hate them and can be upset that I think it is a good one of them.

cheeseandbiscuitsyum · 27/09/2017 19:29

Haven't read the whole thread through but from initial post I would say she was jealous.

ZenHeadbutt · 27/09/2017 19:32

YANBU. I think it's a bit odd. I would always find a compliment. Even if the person looked terrible I would find something nice to say. I'd try and keep it honest so if, for example, the dress was awful I'd say the shoes were fantastic. Depending on the situation.

blueberrypie0112 · 27/09/2017 19:35

My sister sent me a photo where I thought she looks adorable. Told her i would love to frame it and she got up and said “I sent it to show you how awful I look” I told her she did not and I could not convinced her otherwise. In the end, I promised her I will delete it because her feelings matter more than How I feel.

blueberrypie0112 · 27/09/2017 19:35

Upset not up

ChilliChipolatas · 27/09/2017 19:36

YANBU, she's clearly lacking in social graces.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 27/09/2017 19:56

it depends how often you put yourself down.. I don't mean to sound horrible but if friends or in fact OH put themselves down so much I just ignore or avoid everything to do with their appearance as I'm bored of saying "ohhhh don't be daft you're not fat" "ohhhh you look lovely" "ooo isn't that nice" because it would all be fake and the fact you consciously knew you were putting yourself down for a compliment just says you were looking for attention. I don't mean to sound nasty just saying how I feel about these situations.

GoodEnough1 · 27/09/2017 20:03

Meh, people are being mean. If it was my friend I would say you look nice and show an interest. Simple and normal. YANBU.

Mamabear4180 · 27/09/2017 20:11

NRTFT but just from your op it would be too hard to judge without context. Here's an example of q's I'd need to ask..(Don't bother answering if answered further up because I'll read it through in a bit)

What does your friend look like?
Is she a close friend (would be cringy if not)
How often does she go to these kind of events herself?
Have you offended her recently in another way?
Does your friend wear make up/get her own hair done and how often?
What was the purpose of her visit to you on this occasion?
How often do you tell her she's beautiful?
Why so many pics op and not just one?
Are you easily offended generally?
Was she in a rush?
Has she had a lot on her mind lately?
Does she normally make compliments in other ways?

So you see it's hard to say without knowing all that!

PumpkinSpicexx · 27/09/2017 20:18

I don't particularly enjoy looking at people's photos and I hate photos of myself, but if someone especially a friend shows me some snaps of their holiday, wedding, etc etc I would find something positive to say. She knew you were insecure about the way you looked and whether you were fishing for a compliment or not, it would have been a huge boost to your confidence and a "friend"ly thing to do. I am sure you would have returned the compliment to her in the future.

I enjoy complimenting people and don't understand when people take compliments the wrong way or get offended.

I can understand why you feel the way you do, I would have felt a bit miffed too, especially if she is a good friend that you have known for years and knows you worry about your appearance in photos. Personally, I think she either was a little jealous or knew you were fishing and was not going to take the bite! Don't bother showing her pics in the future and when she brings hers out , make the same sounds she made when looking at yours!!

WanderingTrolley1 · 27/09/2017 20:28

You we're obviously wanting her to heap praise on you. And, maybe she simply can't be doing with insecure people fishing for compliments.

Original poster
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 27/09/2017 20:50

I wouldn't say I was insecure, she asked about the wedding I showed her the pics if I was fishing for compliments I would have shown her pics of just me, I didn't think about her lack of comments until later.

OP posts:
Original poster
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 27/09/2017 20:52

You look nice, aww your dress is lovely would have been normal I think, whenever she had shown me pics I compliment them.

OP posts:
Springprim · 27/09/2017 21:02

I can't imagine not saying something nice about how you looked in a photo, especially to a friend that had tried so hard to look good. Perhaps she is feeling insecure herself & finds it hard to compliment you? Try to forget about it now & be pleased with how good you looked on your special night.

Lovingit81 · 27/09/2017 21:10

She doesn't sound a very good friend tbh. I don't know enough about either of you to make a true judgement but it does sound mean and I'd say those emotions normally stem from insecurity or jealous. Either that or she's self absorbed. Either way sounds like she's muddied your pool. I'd be seeing less of her if I were you!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 27/09/2017 21:26

I think some people replying here are being rather rude. Your friend should have said something nice. She’s just jealous.

Crummyfunnymummy · 27/09/2017 21:44

Maybe she thought you looked shit and didn't wanna lie! I'm not v good at lying but I wouldn't tell someone they looked shit. I'd just nod and go "ah what a lovely photo" or whatever rather than lie or upset them.

hmbn · 28/09/2017 08:30

Casmama I couldn't agree more with your comment.

It sounds like a case of jealousy on Lola's friend's part.

Lola - YANBU - but don't let it destroy your friendship; we never truly know what's going on for other people, and they may not know themselves either.

DonkeyOil · 28/09/2017 08:49

Drip... drip... drip...

Why?
Why is it considered drip feeding if not every single facet of the op's life or every thought in their head is laid out in the first post? Mostly it's just further detail in response to someone else's comment, and may not have occurred to the op before.

DonkeyOil · 28/09/2017 08:55

More to the point, it sounds like a self-esteem issue to me too, op. For your friend, that is. I reckon she isn't accustomed to receiving compliments. Some families just aren't very good at boosting confidence. If she's grown up in a compliment-free zone, it simply won't come naturally to her. I'm sure you looked beautiful!

Mumandteacher123 · 28/09/2017 09:12

MistressPage that's a rather mean and uncalled-for comment, how can you criticise her personality, you don't even know the OP

Candlemiss · 28/09/2017 09:31

If she's grown up in a compliment-free zone, it simply won't come naturally to her

That's a very good point. My in laws gush to the point of histrionics.
On several occasions they've asked me if I'd not enjoyed a meal in a restaurant, or disliked some new article of clothing, or a theatre visit, or in fact 'anything' I've been asked to pass opinion on, and it's not the case at all! And I don't understand how they've come to that conclusion, I really don't! I've said "Yes, that was very nice" or "Yes, that's very smart/pretty" I just can't get all animated, in wondrous awe at a dinner dh has cooked (it never happens when I cook), or the latest holiday pictures. I simply cannot gush. I once tried it, to fit in, and dh looked at me as if I was having some sort of medical crisis, and I felt a bit stupid doing it anyway. It feels unnatural.

There are gushers and there are non- gushers. I am a non-gusher at the extreme end of the scale, and I can't help it. I also don't believe that dh's family can be so overcome with emotion as they appear, over a batch of chocolate muffins their adult relative has turned out.
I've been waiting for years to get that all off my chest. Cheers Donkey for finally giving me the opportunity.

DonkeyOil · 28/09/2017 10:05

I simply cannot gush. I once tried it, to fit in, and dh looked at me as if I was having some sort of medical crisis
Grin

It's like opening a present in front of the person who gave it to me, where I feel the need to stage an exuberant recipient performance. I'm always really pleased and grateful whatever the present, but know that my natural restrained response will leave the giver thinking I hate it. Exhausting!

youhavetobekidding · 28/09/2017 10:34

OP - I think you're getting a hard time on this thread. If someone shows you photos, it's not difficult to say "oh, lovely photo, like your dress"

But ........."I show her a couple more that the actual photographer had taken and I hated myself In...I said( "oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine" which is what I would have said" You say yourself that you didn't like these photos. If your friend had said "Oh you look fine" then she would have been minimising your feelings and insincere. I think her response was fine

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