To think friend should have complimented photo?

[LolaTheDarkdestroyer]

Friend came round yesterday, I'd been to a social family event just over a week ago and first time I'd seen her since. (She knew I'd been stressing about outfits and looking nice etc)So I got some pics up on I pad to show her.
Anyway the pics I showed her mainly featured me as they were what people had txt me, facebooked etc, and not meaning to blow my own trumpet I looked nice in those pics I actually normally hate myself in pics. But I'd made a big effort for this event lost a few pounds to fit in a smaller dress, had my hair done, spent time on makeup etc.

Anyway I showed her the photos and she just went mmmm! No comment on any photo at all. As a friend who knew I'd been stressing about looking Nice for the photos I though she would at least say "oh you look lovely" but nothing.
Anyway I show her a couple more that the actual photographer had taken and I hated myself In...I said( "oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine" which is what I would have said,

Anyway no major drama and I wasn't looking for compliments as such but I just found it strange. Aibu for thinking she can't bear to see me looking nice?😉

Come on! Sounds like you WERE in fact fishing for compliments and she knew it and decided not to play along. I can't stand people that fish for compliments and while I'm always kind and complimentary to people generally, once I sense someone is fishing, I feel irritated.

You were fishing for compliments? You didn't like it because she dint lie and say 'wow you look amazing'?

Tbh if they were group shots I'd be more likely to ask about your family etc than comment on your appearance.

This is why I hate social media. People put photos of themselves on their page and everyone goes "Oh Hun, you look GORGEOUS". I think it's weird, strangely self obsessed, and a bit vulgar. I can't imagine going to a family event and showing photos of myself to anyone afterwards. I'd be enjoying chatting to people and having a good time. If I showed photos of the event afterwards to anyone, they'd be photos of other people. Not me. I think the OPs friend maybe was like this and just felt a bit embarrassed.

oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine

That does actually sound like you were fishing for compliments even though you say you weren't. Some people find that irritating.

I wasn't I was just embarrassed! As the pics were at an angle so I looked a twat.

So you said you looked awful and were upset that she didn't contradict you? I find those kind of interactions so confusing!! Maybe i'm just old. Being direct is much easier. Try "Have a look at my photos- I made a real effort and would love to know how you think I look".

Nellie it was the first time I felt I actually looked nice in photos In years,I'm not constantly "look at me" just expected some sort of response.

And just to clarify SHE asked about the wedding and did I find a dress eventually etc I didn't even bring it up!

She who expects nothing shall not be disappointed

I think a good friend would compliment you on your appearance instead of just saying mmmm! Knowing how you felt, a bit of encouragement from her wouldn’t have hurt would it, just to say you looked nice. Nothing wrong with feeling the way you did.

I'm gonna be honest here: you sound utterly neurotic.

I'm with you OP. Can't believe the responses you've had here.

I would be matching my behaviour towards her from now on.

Maybe she isn't very appearance orientated. Maybe she was looking at the details of the wedding like the venue, decor, seeing how many people she knew etc. Some friends would definitely say I looked nice if I showed them a similar photo but my best friend wouldn't because she doesn't really care much about appearance. She would be more likely to ask me about the music and the atmosphere. Everyone's different. You really shouldn't take it so personally or worry about your appearance so much in the first place if I am honest.

Not sure why people are being mean I would expect my friend to say atleast something positive, not just mmm!

Yes you are being unreasonable. You're attention seeking. Can't stand attention seeking and wouldn't rise to it.

I would be matching my behaviour towards her from now on.

LOL! The behaviour of not saying "oh you look nice" in photos? She probably wouldn't even notice. I know I wouldn't.

YNBU. Some harsh comments. Really, people would look at the photos of a good friend they know isn't confident about their appearance and say nothing, then when said friend points out how they don't look good in a particular photo they readily agree! Well with friends like these...

Maybe he friend doesn't think that the op lacks confidence though. A lot of people say they look awful when really they think they look great and just want others to disagree with them. Like the size 6 people who go 'I'm so fat'. After a while you just say 'yes, you're enormous!'

LOL! The behaviour of not saying "oh you look nice" in photos? She probably wouldn't even notice. I know I wouldn't.

You're assuming this is a one-off (which may well be the case). But now that OP has a suspicion that her friend doesn't her to look good, she may well start noticing other ways in which this person is not a good friend. And she can be on the watch out.

I have a friend who only compliments me when I look very plain. Not so much when I make an effort.

That's hurtful

A good friend would boost your confidence a bit surely especially if you were worried

Do you think you looked nice ?

Does she have form for this ?

The responses here

We are not allowed to be insecure about our looks then !! Meanies

I was very pretty when I was young( I didn't even know it for various reasons). I had a lovely photo from my wedding and a friend came in and said 'that doesn't look like you!'
I felt so hurt- it was pure jealousy when I look back now, I don't know why I didn't think so at the time!
In fact, when I look back it looked just like me as there were many similar photos.
Just saying, take pride in yourself love- bet you look splendid. Take loads of photos of yourself and enjoy being YOU x

Sometimes people feel insecure. We all do. And at those times, we reach out to family and friends for reassurance and affirmation. And good friends and good relatives give it, because that is what you do.

Honestly, sometimes I am absolutely baffled by Mumsnet. The intellectual intelligence here is reasonable, but the emotional intelligence is unbelievably low, to the point that I occasionally wonder if I have accidentally stumbled across some kind of support forum for those who've had their compassion amputated.

I personally don't like it when you're with someone and they talk excessively about other friends or events that the person they're talking to wasn't at. I mean, obviously you chat about it, but it's a fine line. I feel like me saying much about it would be overfamiliar, if you know what I mean. Could it have been that?

I think PPs might have a point as well about not complimenting people who are fishing. I try to resist that urge because I know really it's contrary and a bit mean-spirited of me, but I do understand it. I would probably never comment on a friend's weight loss unprompted either as it's an odd subject.