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Original poster

To think friend should have complimented photo?

204 replies

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 25/09/2017 21:43

Friend came round yesterday, I'd been to a social family event just over a week ago and first time I'd seen her since. (She knew I'd been stressing about outfits and looking nice etc)So I got some pics up on I pad to show her.
Anyway the pics I showed her mainly featured me Smileas they were what people had txt me, facebooked etc, and not meaning to blow my own trumpet I looked nice in those pics I actually normally hate myself in pics. But I'd made a big effort for this event lost a few pounds to fit in a smaller dress, had my hair done, spent time on makeup etc.

Anyway I showed her the photos and she just went mmmm! No comment on any photo at all. As a friend who knew I'd been stressing about looking Nice for the photos I though she would at least say "oh you look lovely" but nothing.
Anyway I show her a couple more that the actual photographer had taken and I hated myself In...I said( "oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine" which is what I would have said,

Anyway no major drama and I wasn't looking for compliments as such but I just found it strange. Aibu for thinking she can't bear to see me looking nice?😉

OP posts:
TheOtherGirl · 26/09/2017 21:02

You say you know that you looked good in the photos, so why did you need her to confirm this for you?

Rainbunny · 26/09/2017 21:33

Isn't that what Facebook is for? So you can post pictures and hopefully others will "like" them or comment with a compliment? TBH it's not very interesting to be shown pictures of holidays/events/weddings/parties etc... that I didn't attend. Of course it would be nice if she had spontaneously come out with a compliment but it wasn't rude that she didn't IMO.

I'm sure you looked lovely OP, just remember that many people (I'm very guilty of this) may think that someone is looking good/has a nice hairstyle etc.. but simply not think to say it out loud. Haven't you ever done that OP?

ieatmydinner · 26/09/2017 23:06

She sounds like a classic 'frenemy' - beware!

Original poster
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 27/09/2017 00:08

Well there are other things that could suggest that...we are only friends by default because our other halfs are but do a lot together.

OP posts:
IhaveapenIhavepineapple · 27/09/2017 00:24

Drip... drip... drip...

IhaveapenIhavepineapple · 27/09/2017 00:25

I have RTFT

NamedyChangedy · 27/09/2017 00:30

I find it really hard to lie in situations like this. For instance I wouldn't say a baby was cute if it wasn't, but might find something complimentary to say about their outfit, or alertness.

It's awkward being around people who are very keen for validation - you're torn between wanting to be polite and not wanting to be caught in a lie. In her situation, she could perhaps have offered a 'you look very happy here, it must have been a fun night!' or something along those lines.

MakeItStopNeville · 27/09/2017 00:40

It’s hard to judge without hearing both sides. The comment about your straightened hair, albeit insensitive, could be perfectly valid if she’s going to have to listen to you blathering on about having frizzy hair for the rest of the night and being all, “Omg! Don’t take a photo of me! My hair is so frizzy!”

I KNow you said you barely mentioned your concerns this time but if you have form over the years for worrying about your appearance every time, she may just be bored of playing the game.

ShellyBoobs · 27/09/2017 00:55

YABU.

I'm surprised how many people on this thread say you should always compliment someone for how they look in photos.

What's the point of that?

If you expect someone to look and always say 'ooh you look gawjus hun!' regardless of whether they actually think it or not, then they might as well not bother as it's just meaningless.

If you'd been boring me with your photos whilst trawling for compliments you'd have probably got a 'great...' or 'very good...' or something like that at best. I would never comment on someone's appearance.

Juicyfruitloop · 27/09/2017 00:58

YANBU I think your friend was been dismissive of you, Not in a nice way, Some ppl are thoughtless like that.

You do not sound to me like you were fishing. You made a big effort and it would have been nice for your friend to notice.

You felt good in those photos. Keep that thought not your friends reaction or lack of.

Sayyouwill · 27/09/2017 06:37

Maybe she didn't think you looked very nice and didn't want to lie to your face

ThatsWotSheSaid · 27/09/2017 07:14

It genuinely would occur to me that anyone would show me a photo and expect me to comment on their looks. I'm not on Facebook or anything so maybe I'm out of touch with the expectations or I'm a bit clueless either way it wouldn't be malicious I would just feel very awkward fawning over someone.

Ploppie4 · 27/09/2017 07:21

The comment about the awful photo was true can't see the problem. She was probably thinking of horrors photos of her self.

It would have been nice of her to compliment you on the nice photos. However she didn't and it's no big deal. It doesn't matter. How you feel about the photos is important.

MissBabbs · 27/09/2017 07:30

Imv when shown a group photo I always look at myself first as I am interested as to whether it's a flattering photo or not. Was it boring for her to look through photos without her in them?

If she said nothing what reasons might there be? Have you lost weight recently and she hasn't? Are you prettier than her? Is she feeling challenged because mousey you had become confident you? Does she have issues about her own looks? Does she feel she can see the photos on facebook herself and doesn't need you to run her through them?

LuckyAmy1986 · 27/09/2017 07:42

YANBU at all, I think she might have been jealous from the sounds of it. Bit rude to say nothing. I wouldn't worry about it though! x

user1488794856 · 27/09/2017 08:00

Why is it that when someone doesn't behave in the way we want them to, they are automatically considered jealous? Not the mountain of other reasons that could have resulted in this outcome?

You have said she is a friend by default, so why would it really matter?

It sounds to me that either you both have a competitive style friendship which is toxic at best, or that your friend just isn't the type to dish out compliments willy nilly which many of us can relate to.

It sounds like you have some self esteem issues you need to focus on instead of your friends reaction.

Sallystyle · 27/09/2017 08:23

I think it is a bit mean. It's just what friends do. However, you don't sound like you like her and she doesn't sound like she likes you much either.

I know someone who never gives compliments on anything. I could tell her I have just completed a PhD and I would probably get a 'oh right'.

blueberrypie0112 · 27/09/2017 10:34

Is this the only thing that bother you? That she doesn’t compliment photos (have she ever with anyone)? If so, I think I would just let it go

LuckyAmy1986 · 27/09/2017 10:55

'Why is it that when someone doesn't behave in the way we want them to, they are automatically considered jealous? Not the mountain of other reasons that could have resulted in this outcome?'

Not automatic. Just my opinion with the information we have been given. And in some cases, they are just jealous.

notanurse2017 · 27/09/2017 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midnightmisssuki · 27/09/2017 11:59

Hi OP. I think sub-conciously you were fishing for compliments, because you were proud (and rightly so!) of the fact you lost weight for the event, did your hair etc etc which is fine - maybe your friend just didnt think you looked that great and so didnt compliment you. Its ok though - because all that matters is you think you look great and other have said you did. I would never just say things for the sake of saying it - if i genuinely thought someone looked good - id say it. I think people who compliment others because 'its what you do' are disingenuious. Its like saying a newborn is cute - i never do this because (most) newborns are not cute.

I also dont know about the whole 'she might be jealous of me' thing - seems you want her to be jealous of you because you think you look good, Its almost like just because she didnt compliment you - it must mean shes jealous because you automatically assume she doesnt look as good as you IYSWIM?

Anyway - well done for making the effort for said event etc!

Thinkingofausername1 · 27/09/2017 12:03

I think maybe you were putting expectations on her that weren't fair. For all you know she could have lack of confidence too and felt a bit meh seeing the photos?

user1488794856 · 27/09/2017 12:59

luckyamy1986 wasn't aimed directly at you, lots of comments of the same opinion :)

Ohyesiam · 27/09/2017 13:16

I would day it's a social convention, to say what someone wants to hear in this sort of situation.
It sort of oils the wheels, and keeps a lid on things. BUT, I would say that is definitely for acquaintances, or work colleagues, not for actual friendships.
I would say to a friend " I was worried about how I was going to look that night, but look, in the end I was pleased with my dress/ hairdo/ figure . " and I'd expect a friend to do the same.

Turquoise123 · 27/09/2017 17:27

not sure why she should say anything ?

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