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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friend should have complimented photo?

204 replies

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 25/09/2017 21:43

Friend came round yesterday, I'd been to a social family event just over a week ago and first time I'd seen her since. (She knew I'd been stressing about outfits and looking nice etc)So I got some pics up on I pad to show her.
Anyway the pics I showed her mainly featured me Smileas they were what people had txt me, facebooked etc, and not meaning to blow my own trumpet I looked nice in those pics I actually normally hate myself in pics. But I'd made a big effort for this event lost a few pounds to fit in a smaller dress, had my hair done, spent time on makeup etc.

Anyway I showed her the photos and she just went mmmm! No comment on any photo at all. As a friend who knew I'd been stressing about looking Nice for the photos I though she would at least say "oh you look lovely" but nothing.
Anyway I show her a couple more that the actual photographer had taken and I hated myself In...I said( "oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine" which is what I would have said,

Anyway no major drama and I wasn't looking for compliments as such but I just found it strange. Aibu for thinking she can't bear to see me looking nice?😉

OP posts:
EmmaJR1 · 26/09/2017 08:05

I have a (very close) friend who obsesses about how she looks constantly- through anxiety not through vanity - and is always posting/taking selfies and also gets very upset when people don't comment. I don't comment on her social media and when she asks me why I tell her it's because how she looks is of no interest to me, she always looks nice and to me her caring/kind/generous personality is far more important.

I do compliment her if see her and I particularly like something and I make a point of complimenting any looks or photos that are more natural or are of her with friends having fun (rather than selfies posted for traffic iyswim). Not just gratuitous "oh you look beautiful Hun" comments- I'd rather be sincere.

Physical appearance is only important in as much as it effects how you feel (imo) so maybe she just doesn't think about it.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 26/09/2017 08:16

From your drip feed about what she said about your hair and the - .I already said I'd sat looking at pictures of hers for fuck knows how long, and the fact you think she hates to see you look nice, can I ask, why are you friends?

Can I actually ask why you are friends with this person?

Kailoer · 26/09/2017 08:19

You sound like hard work

YoureAnArseholeDenise · 26/09/2017 08:20

God people on here can be cows.

I get you OP.

winelover93 · 26/09/2017 08:21

Wow what a load of bitches on here!

SumThucker · 26/09/2017 08:33

I'm also a little shocked at some of the replies on here Shock

OP, dont give her a second thought, I'm sure you looked lovely, some people just can't help being twattish.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/09/2017 08:41

I don't think that you are BU. It sounds as if both you and your friend are a bit insecure about the way you look. You made a big effort for your brother's wedding and her reaction wasn't what you wanted. Maybe she thought that you looked great but compliments don't come easily to her? Some people just find it hard. I remember calling home and saying to my DF "I've got a 2:1!" And he replied "why not a First?".

You don't sound as if you were fishing for compliments. Might be the same as a friend being promoted at work and being happy for them but unable to express it?

livefornaps · 26/09/2017 08:56

It sounds like you don't even like each other.

You've had a good old moan about her & listening to her & her photos.

She's remained tight-lipped when looking at your photos. .

You both sound like a pair of miseries.

She could probably tell you were bored listening to her and just waiting to whip out your own photos.

None of it sounds very fun and neither of you is genuinely happy for the other.

angieloumc · 26/09/2017 08:59

So she 'bored' you for an hour talking about her daughter but you expect her to be interested in your photos?

Lobsterquadrille2 · 26/09/2017 09:04

It's probably with hindsight that the OP is saying that she was bored with her friend's photographs. If she looked through them and commented favourably, then showed her own brother's wedding shots and was met with silence and indifference, seems fair enough ....

brownfang · 26/09/2017 09:19

There's another MN thread going (the one about looking too young) where several people have said that it is NEVER acceptable to comment on another person's appearance. They wrote that like NEVER in any context or with any content, would it be less than very rude. I'm thinking, Folk cannot win trying to follow MN advice.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 26/09/2017 12:45

Anyway I show her a couple more that the actual photographer had taken and I hated myself In...I said( "oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine" which is what I would have said,

This is most blatanty fishing for compliments. You clearly thought you looked good, and I'm sure you did, why didn't you just say "Those are rather nice, don't you think?"

It's not so much a friend problem, it's a self esteem problem.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 26/09/2017 12:46

Sorry, I'm talking about the photos where you looked nice, why didn't you say "Those are rather nice" rather than focus on the unflattering ones.

Nikephorus · 26/09/2017 12:57

How many photos did she have to sit through & was it obvious that she was going to see more than one? It's easier to say something vaguely complimentary about one picture (unless you have Asperger's like me in which case you'll probably comment on something completely different that caught your eye!) but if you think you've got to look at several / dozens then giving one compliment almost means you have to compliment most of them & so you don't bother (and because it'll be damn obvious within seconds that you don't mean it).
Or maybe she didn't think you looked good or realised you were fishing in which case it was perfectly acceptable to say nothing.
And, if you got past a few without her commenting, why did you continue?

HiJenny35 · 26/09/2017 13:03

You were 100% looking for compliments. You fished for compliments, she didn't give them, get over it.

wildworlds · 26/09/2017 14:50

I really don't think the OP was fishing for compliments, but even if she was, if you're feeling a bit insecure about your looks is it that bad a thing, just a little reassurance from a friend isn't a lot to ask.
Not nice to say "get over it"

Brahms3rdracket · 26/09/2017 14:53

Wow it's a bitchfest on here. Of course you would expect that of a friend. I would question how good a friend she really is. Nothing wrong with wanting a friend to make you feel good about yourself OP, that's something anyone should want for someone they're close to surely.

Dustbunny1900 · 26/09/2017 14:59

brownfang I think I know what absolutely laughable & cringe thread you're referring to. 😂🙄so true.
It's so extreme on here

PurpleTango · 26/09/2017 15:08

Is there a full moon? There are some weird threads on here at the moment...

Soo... you went to an event and you made a bit of an effort to look nice.

You showed your friend some pics of you looking very nice (obviously fishing for compliments) and she didn't fall over herself to compliment you... Ok...

user1488794856 · 26/09/2017 15:15

I think it's a little narcissistic to show your friend a bunch of photos of yourself at an event. She probably doesn't give a crap what you looked like, why would she?! It doesn't make her a bad friend because she isn't interested in admiring your photos.

As a previous poster mentioned, I think this was very much a fishing for compliments exercise, and I feel a bit sorry for your friend.

Post your photos on Facebook, wait to see how many likes you get and appease your ego the way everyone else seems to these days...it's all a little pathetic.

willscott9008 · 26/09/2017 16:44

I personally would always compliment a friend but that's just me.

I don't think I'd even notice if one of my friends didn't compliment me in a picture though? Like, I don't think it would cross my mind that they were being impolite or jealous or anything like that. I just would not notice..

MaisyPops · 26/09/2017 17:26

I personally would always compliment a friend but that's just me.
I would if we were going out and and I noticed they'd done their hair differently/had a new dress etc.
But equally, i wouldn't go out of my way to gush over facebook photos or do all tjat 'aww your look stunning hun, so do you! I love your lipstick/hair. Thanks hun. Your dress is lush' carry on every time I see them.

oldmacdonalde471 · 26/09/2017 17:34

Your friend was rude and mean for not complimenting you and building your self esteem up.

However, I think you are overthinking and being a bit nitpicky about her saying "yeah we all have those photos like that". I think that was fine.

Original poster
LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 26/09/2017 17:51

In all fairness the ones the photographer took I honestly thought I looked shit in...stupid smile etc. The others can I just say weren't actually photos of just me but me with family members, it wasn't a case of "saying oh look at me" I was just in the photos I had as I'd been sent them as I was in them.
I was more just showing her a few pics from the day, I wasn't waiting for her to say anything it was only after that I thought it was a bit strange that she hadn't commented.
I'm not like that to go fishing. I suppose I'm just one of these people that is "nice" and compliments people on their clothes,hair etc etc.
I do think it's strange and I do think it's a bit spiteful,after I compliment her and show an interest in her life etc even if sometimes it is about boring shite.

I've just had the family pics printed today and am putting them in frames..so she will have to see them every time she comes round now 😄.

OP posts:
elessar · 26/09/2017 20:57

OP- if you find her so boring and spiteful, why would you continue to invite her round to your house??

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