Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend should have complimented photo?

204 replies

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 25/09/2017 21:43

Friend came round yesterday, I'd been to a social family event just over a week ago and first time I'd seen her since. (She knew I'd been stressing about outfits and looking nice etc)So I got some pics up on I pad to show her.
Anyway the pics I showed her mainly featured me Smileas they were what people had txt me, facebooked etc, and not meaning to blow my own trumpet I looked nice in those pics I actually normally hate myself in pics. But I'd made a big effort for this event lost a few pounds to fit in a smaller dress, had my hair done, spent time on makeup etc.

Anyway I showed her the photos and she just went mmmm! No comment on any photo at all. As a friend who knew I'd been stressing about looking Nice for the photos I though she would at least say "oh you look lovely" but nothing.
Anyway I show her a couple more that the actual photographer had taken and I hated myself In...I said( "oh I look awful/weird or something along those lines) in these" she replied "yeah we all have those photos like that" not "don't be daft you look fine" which is what I would have said,

Anyway no major drama and I wasn't looking for compliments as such but I just found it strange. Aibu for thinking she can't bear to see me looking nice?😉

OP posts:
MercianQueen · 26/09/2017 00:55

When people focus the conversation on appearance, I make an active decision not to reinforce that. I'll big up their intelligence, sense of humour, career, anything other than their looks. People who look for confirmation through their looks (IMHO) forget that their friends don't really give a shit about it, we're much more concerned about them being happy.

Carouselfish · 26/09/2017 01:08

Agree that I would have expected her to say something nice, esp as you'd discussed insecurities beforehand.
Lot of bitchy comments from people either utterly unconcerned about their appearance or jealous of anyone who might like a photo of themselves! Jeez. Suspect it's the latter as anyone unconcerned wouldn't be nasty.

G1raffe · 26/09/2017 06:07

Ditto re looks Queen!
And a holiday photo Id take to be a photo of you at X place...not an opening to comment on how you look?

It seems such an alien way of thinking to me. I like my friends for who they are not how they look. And as someone whose had an eating disorder is never "compliment" a weight loss as I don't think that type of talk is healthy.

G1raffe · 26/09/2017 06:10

I'm not meaning to be bitchy, just explaining another viewpoint. aid you showed me holiday photos I'd assume you were showing me something of the holiday. A wedding photo etc id assume was the wedding! I don't overly judge people on looks and wouldn't think ofnit usually as something to say out loud when shown a photo. Especially if the other person had said they didn't like themselves in it!

Ktown · 26/09/2017 06:21

Other people's photos generally aren't that interesting.
Always commenting on looks isn't that interesting.
It doesn't sound like a great friendship.

blueberrypie0112 · 26/09/2017 06:21

Yeah, when I look at other people’s pictures, I never, ever pay attention how they look but more of what’s going on. Now on Facebook, it’s a different story if it a self portrait (well any self portrait like school pictures or event or school dance... or photo of two people in romance, I might comment.

As far as her comment, I think she was trying to say she understood because she does the same thing about herself

MaisyPops · 26/09/2017 06:35

OP the more I read the thread, the more clear it is that there's only one answer you're going to be happy with and it's this:

How awful OP. She's either a bitch of jealous. You're so gracious witj your praise to people and it's a shame she doesn't return thr love. If she was a real friend then she would know how you feel about your appearance and any good friend would say something nice to you. The fact she didn't speaks volumes. Maybe she is jealous of you.

What's the point in anyone giving any other reply when you'll only tell us how modest you are and how you aren't fishing for compliments.

If you weren't fishing then someone not gushing over facebook photoa wouldn't annoy you like this.

ProperLavs · 26/09/2017 06:42

I have a friend like this. Every time I see her she comments on the way I look, the way I walk. There's the occasional positive, but it's mostly negative. I'm pissed off with it.

toomanykidstocount · 26/09/2017 06:59

I've got a friend like that - if you've got a new haircut, she will comment 'had your hair cut?' or 'got a new car' or 'got a new sofa' etc so I know she notices but has NEVER said - 'your hair looks nice', 'that's a nice car' etc - just the way some people are!

gamerwidow · 26/09/2017 07:01

You were fishing for compliments otherwise you wouldn't be so miffed you that you hadn't got any.
Photos of an event you haven't been to are boring I wouldn't force my photos on people unless they asked to see them.
If someone showed me their pictures I'd try to look interested but I probably wouldn't comment on the brides dress, their outfit etc.
Facebook and the like button has made everyone attention whores.

Madeyemoodysmum · 26/09/2017 07:04

Maybe she is in love with your brother

VeryCunningStunt · 26/09/2017 07:06

Why did you ask 'AIBU' when you are absolutely adamant that you're not BU? Confused

MaisyPops · 26/09/2017 07:08

Plus gamer if someone puts something on facebook I might look and then comment on one or two. If someone subjects you to a whole album of photos there's a limit to how much 'oohhh that's pretty / lovely drrss / gosh haven't you lost weight' I can manage.

Unless it's family sharing a selection of holiday snaps, watching someone glick through photoa of themself is plain awkward.

Rachie1973 · 26/09/2017 07:10

You specifically wanted her to say you looked nice in a pic you thought you looked awful in but weren't fishing for compliments? Ok

shopthenewcollection · 26/09/2017 07:15

Why can't people fish for the odd compliment if they have really made an effort Confused.

My MIL has never in 25 years said I look nice - not once ever. I am nothing to look at but I am sure just once she could have said you look nice today shop. Even at her wedding and her daughter's wedding where let's face it you generally make a massive effort, nothing not nothing. Does grate a bit.

CoalTit · 26/09/2017 07:16

Well, now that you've mentioned that she bores you with her photos and her child and puts you down about your appearance, I'd say yanbu to be miffed at her lack of reciprocation.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 26/09/2017 07:27

Take no notice of her OP I reckon you looked great and she was jealous.

Knowing you were worried about your appearance any friend worth their salt would reassure you and say you looked lovely.

Whocansay · 26/09/2017 07:27

Maybe she didn't think you looked nice? Maybe she was irritated that you ambushed her with a load of pictures? Other people's photos are generally very dull if there's more than 2 or 3.

And of course you were fishing. Otherwise, why would you post?

guilty100 · 26/09/2017 07:28

Awww, she should definitely have said something nice, especially after you listened to her go on about universities!

is she always like this? Some women only have praise for themselves. I have a friend like this - I am expected to listen to literally an hour of non-stop self-congratulation and she barely finds time to ask whether I'm doing OK. This included times when I'd just come out of hospital. Some people are just VERY self-centred. Don't get too close, because they aren't really capable of giving back.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 26/09/2017 07:39

I had something similar recently. My DD got married and an old neighbour, who I see for lunch about 3 times a year, texted me and asked me to bring my iPad to show her photos of the wedding. (She's known DD since she was born)

As soon as I got there she asked to see them, then said not one word about how anyone looked. I mean for gods sake, who doesn't comment on how a bride looks, even if you think she looks dreadful(obviously my DD looked absolutely beautifulGrin).

She didn't comment on my outfit either, despite knowing I'd gone through hell, trying to bloody well find something. (Most "mother of the bride" outfits, being vile imo)

She did ask me to forward about 10 of the photos to her email so she could show her DHHmm

Weird!

Schmoopy · 26/09/2017 07:40

Yeah, I agree. You want to hear that she's jealous of your looks/clothes/weightloss; or that she fancies your brother/husband/someone else 'inappropriate'.

I can't see what the issue is otherwise.

If I were not hoping for a compliment, I wouldn't expect one. I couldn't tell you the last time I had a compliment on my appearance. Not because I never get one, because, I honestly couldn't tell you. I'm not really that focused on it.

It sounds like you were expecting one, or you wouldn't have noticed it hadn't been forthcoming.

Oh, and if I think someone is looking for a compliment. I don't. On principle Wink

Bluntness100 · 26/09/2017 07:47

I suspect you also want people to say she’s jealous of you. 😔

wellyclad · 26/09/2017 07:47

I hate things like this, or when you go round someone’s house and they insist on dragging their holiday photos out and want you to gush and coo over every photo.
Maybe she had other things on her mind?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 26/09/2017 07:49

If you can't manage a "oh you look nice", to a friend, then there's something wrong with you!

icelollycraving · 26/09/2017 07:52

How very odd. Clearly you were fishing for compliments, it didn't pay off.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.