Friend is pissed off with me, WIBU to correct her?

[teenytinypontypine]

It is a breastfeeding one, sorry.

Group of 4 of us female friends out for lunch. I have an almost three y o who I breastfed for 13 months and FWIW it was fucking agony wasn't easy for the first couple of months but I stuck it out and am pleased I did. Other friend "A" has a 5 month old who is FF. I don't care a jot. Feed your baby however you like.

Other two ladies are both currently pregnant, due within a few weeks of each other around Xmas time, and over lunch conversation turns to feeding.

Friend A says she really wanted to bf but couldn't. She said her milk didn't come in because she had an elcs, so baby was starving and unhappy and she had to give up. "How long did you try for?" asks pregnant friend - answer: 18 hours. Cue sympathetic tutting from pregnant friends about how hard that must have been.

So, I sort of couldn't help myself but explain that your milk usually doesn't come in at birth, but more usually a few days later. And that newborn stomachs are v little and hardly take any filling at all. And that newborns physiologically are prepared for mum's milk not coming in for a few days so usually do just fine. Oh and that people having a section usually can bf. And yes, I know there are some circumstances where these things aren't true, but in the main this is what happens.

"A" got visibly riled - reporting that her baby was much happier as soon as she got a bottle. I gave her a big grin and said that's fine and clearly she is a happy, growing little girl and doing perfectly well on formula. But I told her I thought it was only fair to point out to pregnant friends some basic facts about bf. Especially as I am a fucking doctor.

Basically, she feels that by correcting or questioning her version of events I am judging her for not trying for longer. On the contrary, I couldn't give a flying fuck what she does wrt feeding, but I do care that she is spreading misinformation to pregnant friends. I have a duty as a bloody doctor to not just sit by and let someone's opinion stand as fact when I know evidence to the contrary.

So WIBU to correct her like that? Should I have just nodded and smiled and caught my two pregnant friends later to give them a more balanced view?

chocolatedinosaur I disagree. It's very easy to take off your doctor hat when you're not in work. It's part of being a professional and recognising boundaries. If someone's Medical persona bleeds to much into their personal life then that can be a real issue.

Demander 'and a shite mum' what a godawful shitty thing to say. The definition of a good/bad mum is not determined by the method in which she feeds her child so either you're just saying that to be a goady fucker or if you really believe that then.... what a terrible belief to have.

Seriously, people coming out with shit on this thread, like "OMG, won't somebody think of the ingredients or another woman who couldn't be arsed etc, think before you spout off.
People can feel vulnerable, especially if it's your first time with a baby.
If bf works out, fine, but it sometimes doesn't. Beating others down or questioning their judgement/decisions/telling them what they should or shouldn't be doing can lead to PND.
Think before engaging gob.
Assuming the posters are in the UK, we are fortunate to have a fantastic water supply.
It won't kill them. Grip. Seriously, go get one.
Surely it's better to have a happy, contented, well fed baby and a healthy mum too instead of one feeling vulnerable/mentally delicate.

I didn't say how a mum feeds her child defines how good a mum she is, or anything like that! but women who make zero effort to do what nature intends and then lie about it to make out they were left with no options, they are shite.
As long as baby is cared for fedclean, warm dry and nurtured then mummis doing well.
If baby is something to be seen an inconvenient then.. not so good.

Listeningskillz needs reading skills.
Oh and manners :)

Are you for real??

Very much so, do you have a point relevant to topic or are you just making silly remarks.

women who make zero effort to do what nature intends and then lie about it to make out they were left with no options, they are shite

trolly goader fucker wind up merchant, either that or is not a parent in any shape or form. (Or a male one who can spout off all they like safe in the knowledge they can say what they like as it'll never apply to them.)

If baby is something to be seen an inconvenient then.. not so good.

WTAF are you actually on about?!

Booloo Still bf a TWO YEAR OLD?! No offence but in my opinion that is quite disturbing

Why is it disturbing bing

I totally agree with OP and would've done the exact same?

How else do you word it? Your milk DOESN'T come in within 18 hours (normally). Lady A's words could result in the two pregnant friends giving up on bf within a few hours?!

Funny how doctors can give anecdotal advice to their pregnant friends but on the wards are nowhere to be seen when it comes to BF. I had a bad case of mastitis and they sent me to the midwives, didn't want anything to do with me. I expressed after having prem dd, they said it wasnt enough and supp'd her with formula.

This thread has filled up the ff v bf bingo card quickly.

Demander I can read just fine thankyou. I have plenty of manners but don't feel the need to exert them towards a post full of vile judgement and lacking basic human compassion.

You are basically saying women who don't BF are shite mothers there. The 'lying' about it is really irrelevant tbh. Women may 'lie' about it for various reasons. Some may seem poor to you. But it's their experience. If you weren't in their shoes you cannot judge. A poor lady up thread had been sexually abused, should she have to admit that to some nosy Parker who wants to know why she isn't doing what 'comes naturally'? I tried to express and relactate and try to latch till my daughter was 4 months old but frankly I don't want to chew over the painful PND causing details so may have muttered something similar back then. That doesn't make anyone a shite mother at all.

Neglect, physical abuse, emotional abuse etc. Those mothers are shite. Women who FF and perhaps lie about why for whatever reasons are not shite.

You know very well you can say what you like out of work but NHS policy will do everything to undermine a woman struggling to breastfeed. I had far more clinicians telling me to give it up than to persevere with it, that is the culture in the NHS, they are not there to help you.

Yes, just reeling at your ignorance momentarily, Demander.

I didn't say how a mum feeds her child defines how good a mum she is

All we know about this woman is that she chose not to BF after trying for 18 hours after a C section. Yet you labelled her as a "shite mum". Please, do tell us - if you're not forming your opinion on her from not BFing, then what are you basing it on? Do you have information on this woman that the rest of us here are not privy to? Please, enlighten us.

Saying 'Breast is Best' is surely the exact same as judging ff mums? Personally I don't think breast always is best. It depends on the mother's diet! Which will no doubt vary. At least with Aptamil Pronutura for example, the child is always getting a consistent balance of nutrients. Anyway, not trying to derail this thread, it's just my opinion. Unfortunately I couldn't bf because of my medication but came off for the Colostrum period and extracted a few bottles whilst still in hospital then straight onto Aptamil so I could get back on my meds. My child is healthy, happy, super clever & bright! So who knows?

It's been proven that even an unhealthy diet still makes Breastmilk more nutritious than formula milk.

Breastmilk is healthier and more nutritional than formula. That can not be argued.
That doesn't make formula poison. It doesn't make it wrong. It's just fact.

Not necessarily. Not at all!!!!

How?

Taylor You're very wrong there. But if it makes you feel superior then you keep telling yourself that.
Formula is fantastic stuff. Breast milk is only superior within the first few days

Do I need to maintain a perfect diet while breastfeeding?
The short answer to this question is NO – you do not need to maintain a perfect diet in order to provide quality milk for your baby. In fact, research tells us that the quality of a mother’s diet has little influence on her milk. Nature is very forgiving – mother’s milk is designed to provide for and protect baby even in times of hardship and famine. A poor diet is more likely to affect the mother than her breastfed baby.

If stating incorrect facts make you feel better about your decisions then carry on. But 10 seconds on google proves otherwise so 👍

Ohhh NM you're the poster who said feeding past 2 was bad.

I'm not going to waste my energy on someone like that.

I don't care if people FF. I really don't. I care about misinformation and people spreading false facts.

I chose to BF because I didn't want my children to have formula. Those are my choices. My choices don't affect anyone else. Their choices don't affect me.

Ohhh NM you're the poster who said feeding past 2 was bad

When I first read this I thought you were inferring that feeding past 2am was bad. A bit how gremlins shouldn't be fed after midnight

this is what happens when you stay up until 0.22 on Mumsnet

When I first read this I thought you were inferring that feeding past 2am was bad. A bit how gremlins shouldn't be fed after midnight

😂😂 I almost woke the baby I literally just got to sleep reading that. I need to go to sleep now.