Friend is pissed off with me, WIBU to correct her?

[teenytinypontypine]

It is a breastfeeding one, sorry.

Group of 4 of us female friends out for lunch. I have an almost three y o who I breastfed for 13 months and FWIW it was fucking agony wasn't easy for the first couple of months but I stuck it out and am pleased I did. Other friend "A" has a 5 month old who is FF. I don't care a jot. Feed your baby however you like.

Other two ladies are both currently pregnant, due within a few weeks of each other around Xmas time, and over lunch conversation turns to feeding.

Friend A says she really wanted to bf but couldn't. She said her milk didn't come in because she had an elcs, so baby was starving and unhappy and she had to give up. "How long did you try for?" asks pregnant friend - answer: 18 hours. Cue sympathetic tutting from pregnant friends about how hard that must have been.

So, I sort of couldn't help myself but explain that your milk usually doesn't come in at birth, but more usually a few days later. And that newborn stomachs are v little and hardly take any filling at all. And that newborns physiologically are prepared for mum's milk not coming in for a few days so usually do just fine. Oh and that people having a section usually can bf. And yes, I know there are some circumstances where these things aren't true, but in the main this is what happens.

"A" got visibly riled - reporting that her baby was much happier as soon as she got a bottle. I gave her a big grin and said that's fine and clearly she is a happy, growing little girl and doing perfectly well on formula. But I told her I thought it was only fair to point out to pregnant friends some basic facts about bf. Especially as I am a fucking doctor.

Basically, she feels that by correcting or questioning her version of events I am judging her for not trying for longer. On the contrary, I couldn't give a flying fuck what she does wrt feeding, but I do care that she is spreading misinformation to pregnant friends. I have a duty as a bloody doctor to not just sit by and let someone's opinion stand as fact when I know evidence to the contrary.

So WIBU to correct her like that? Should I have just nodded and smiled and caught my two pregnant friends later to give them a more balanced view?

[pallisers]

I'm not splitting hairs. Because of course anyone will correct someone who states something as fact when it isn't and might be dangerous. This wasn't the case here. Nor was it misinformation - it was a woman describing what she had experienced - or thought she had experienced. Presumably she genuinely thought her milk wasn't coming in. Either that or she didn't feel confident enough to say she wanted to formula feed in front of her friends (which kind of puts the lie to the idea that there is a vast conspiracy of propaganda around formula feeding).

The woman gave an anecdote about her own life and was corrected publicly by her friend. It wasn't the crime of the century but in my opinion it was smug and unnecessary. The OP asked AIBU. I think she was. And I do think it is fairly dismissive of the intelligence and judgement of the friends for the OP to think she needed to rush in and explain the real "facts' for fear the silly dears would make bad decisions about breastfeeding based on one anecdote from a friend described over a cup of coffee months before. Most women give it a bit more thought than that.

And I'm laughing at the "won't anyone think of the health of the babies" laments. Good job OP is out there saving babies from ... whatever.

[Pearl87]

I can't believe the number of adults who think "Can you pick out the breastfed kids in your child's clas from the formula-fed ones?" is a good argument You can't usually gain a comprehensive understanding of someone's health just by looking at them, FFS!

butyoudontlooksick.com/

[NoMoreNotToday]

I think correctong misinformation about bf is hugely important.

You are right that colostrum is enough for the first few days (milk does come in later for some of us, especially after a hemorage) but colostrum is enough only when the baby is managing to remove it effectively enough. Some babies will latch so poorly that they wont get the colostrum to come down, some have really akward pallet height that makes this difficult, some tongue ties prevent removong milk effectively, some prem babies wont have the energy to feed effectively enough to get enough calories, and sometimes there are conditions that inhibit mums let down reflex. None of which mean going straight to the formula bottle is the only option, colostrum can be expressed and siringe fed (although expressing doesn't work for everyone).

So it is great you communicated the general facts about those first few days but maybe add the rarer circumstances would help your friends know more &give your other friend an 'easy out' whether or not they were reality in her case. I know that's not so simple in the middle of the conversation and imparting an encyclipidia on bf is never fun or helpful but worth bearing in mind.

On zero hours sleep here so apologies for the typos.

[KarateKitten]

Pallusers, you have to recognise though that the woman describing her experience did inadvertently give misinformation. I know of a mum who gave up on bf despite being desperate to do it because shockingly their midwife told them the morning after baby's birth 'aw, you don't seem to have a supply. Some people don't have one. Don't feel bad you can ff'. And I know of many many mums who go around telling everyone including pregnant first time mums 'I didn't have a supply, some people don't. It just happens'. So when those new mums are faced with the stress and difficulty of knowing if their newborn is getting enough, they stop thinking they don't have a supply and baby is suffering. Because that's what they've heard over and over from other mums. The truth is that latches and bf is usually very difficult at first but nobody has a supply, the baby has to make that supply. And the amount of women going around saying they didn't have a supply so therefore they had to bottlefeed is quite significant and definitely has an impact on others.

[FeralBeryl]

Someone upthread asked about why so many HCPs are so quick to suggest formula if breastfeeding isn't instantaneous.

Speaking to many colleagues, and from multiple experience, it's sadly just another symptom of our struggling NHS.
Beds are needed, resources are tight. Babies are discharged once they pass their checks/are feeding. 'Mum and baby doing well' bollocks.
Far more rapid to give a bottle, tick a box, reduce the risk of jaundice then home and forgotten 24hours after my last CS of course she wasn't fucking feeding properly.

I'm firmly in the your choice, do not make others feel shit category.

I wanted to BF, it was important to me but fuck me I struggled.
If DH hadn't have been so helpful syringing tiny drops of milk from my gargantuan dinner plate nipples, I'd have definitely have gone for a bottle.
It's about realising that that would not have been my choice though. There was no one willing to help me other than him.
They were simply too busy. The culture is not set up for BFing.

[Bubblebubblepop]

Really surprised at the experiance in hospital some of you have and expect

Our hospital is "breastfeeding friendly" - some form of accreditation- and the midwives and staff as a rule only supported and assisted with Bf. We were told clearly from the hospital tour onwards that they would not assist with "artificial feeding" and the mother would be expected to deal with this alone (something I saw in action on the post c section ward)

This is with the exception of serious ill mothers or babies I assume, and formula was available for medical reasons only.

Once I left I could get help with BF but I did have to ask. I called every passing midwife to look at the latch. I asked the community Midwives to check on day 3 and 5 visits. I attended baby and BF clinics regularly, sometimes daily, but i often had to travel some distance to these and ask for help as they were in a different children's centre each day

I also used the NCt and national breastfeeding helpline. I found you do have to ask but there is no end of support available. The hospital post natal ward was shockingly and but I basically harassed them to make sure we were doing ok.

I knew well before I went in that my baby wouldn't need substantial feeding for quite some time, as they had been nourished by the placenta. That I had time to get skin to skin and learn how to latch/ or get her latched on by midwives. I knew my milk wouldn't arrive for days. I knew I could and would refuse formula.

[ringle]

Well done feralberyl's dh!

[Racingraccoons]

I don’t see a problem with that you said. You were just being factual. She seems slightly over sensitive.

[redfairy]

I think you should have been a friend first and been kinder and more measured. And I gather your friends have their own health professionals to advise them.

[existentialmoment]

Friends should tell friends the truth. The dr bit is of no matter, you can't sit there and let someone tell pregnant women complete lies about breastfeeding.