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AIBU?

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Original poster

To bring to your attention this common faux pas

259 replies

Oldatheart91 · 25/09/2017 20:05

I am 26 years old and look considerably younger, think 16-18, and if I had a pound for every conversation Ive had about how young I am I would retire a happy lady.

Now I understand I look young, I accept that even now I will get ID'd for everything (even scratch cards!) BUT when i show you my ID i dont want to have to then stand there for actual long minutes whilst you tell me what I already know!

Yes I dont look my age. Yes I have been told that. Yes I dont look old enough to have a baby, run a house, do a weekly shop etc. And NO I will not be happy about it when Im 50!

I think random comments can be forgiven to an extent but from people who you have showed an ID to its just plain rude. It would be like a slimming world instructor raving to class about how you are the fattest lass yet! But still random comments, probably not welcome when people are doing ordinary things like standing at a bus stop or doing the weekly shop.

So in summary, i think any comment about how someone looks TOO anything (old, young, fat, thin etc.) is just rude and although you may think you are being nice you may infact be rubbing someones biggest insecurity in their face.

OP posts:
forestship · 25/09/2017 22:24

Life's too short to fret. Our youngest is 19 but still gets offered colouring and the children's menu.

My 10 year old is no longer offered colouring and the children's menu. Hmm

lalalalyra · 25/09/2017 22:27

I don't mind when people ID me. My Nana looked young until she was 60 and then within about a year looked really old so I know it won't last.

I do mind when people assume I'm young and judge, as happens when I've got my kids with me. I'll never forget one really rude cashier in Asda saying "did you have her when you were 13?" in a horrid tone when she was shocked to hear DD call me mum.

I didn't mind a few weeks ago when a friend got sent back from the bar for my ID when I was the oldest at the table Grin

mishfish · 25/09/2017 22:32

I got this all the time (28 but look 15) but it doesn't really bother me

Actually the one time it did was after I had my third and I was taking her for her hearing test and a midwife was being really patronising and said in a really shocked voice "how OLD are you" I told her I was 27, probably older than her and she shut up Angry

Tainbri · 25/09/2017 22:42

I am a 6ft 3 female and all the time "gosh aren't you tall" - really I never noticed! Grin or what's the weather like? do you play basket ball? You're taller than all the men I know? How big are your feet? What did your parents feed you? You get the idea... some things you just have to accept. They don't meant to be unkind even if it is boring to hear it all the time. Smile and nod.

tararabumdeay · 25/09/2017 22:58

My DS, watching F1, said 'That Niki Lauda is a ugly bastard.'
I explained the reason and that it's never ok to comment about the way a person looks. He doesn't do it now.

'Do you ever think anything you don't say?' is what to think - but not say.

Sienna333 · 25/09/2017 23:08

My friend could have wrote this. She is 33 but looks 17/18. People can be sorudeand say "You look like a kid still, it's so weird.' She is also sick of 'It will be great when you are 50'. She feels that when people meet her she never knows if they like her for her or if they just think she is a sweet, young kid. It has no advantages for her and I have seen how much it embarrasses her on a regular basis and the struggled she has in being taken seriously, buying alcohol etc (She was asked if she was sure she was 18 the other week when buying booze)

DixieNormas · 25/09/2017 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleLionMansMummy · 25/09/2017 23:24

I always get irrationally irritated when I'm at the self check out buying alcohol and the attendant comes along and, without so much as a cursory glance, immediately hits the 'are you sure this person is over 25? Yes' button. Irrational because I'm 38. And I look 38. Yabu op.

Sienna333 · 25/09/2017 23:34

I don't think OP is bu at all. I can see how constant comments and questioning can get tiresome very quickly. With my friend it is a constant source of embarrassment and the topic comes up all the time. She is a shy and private person and hates how different she looks to others her age

Jakethekid · 25/09/2017 23:39

I get this a lot. It makes me feel insecure aswell as I don't feel like I look as mature and as well put together as my peers. When i was registering the receptionist at the doctors said to me and my partner "gosh! I was going to say! "you both look too young to be parents" when reading our ages are actually 29 and 30. Firstly that's rude and secondly age has nothing to do with being a good parent. I also get the "you will be grateful for it when your 40" regularly. I csn guarantee you that the minute I turn 40 I will end up looking 50. Just my luck

ifcatscouldtalk · 26/09/2017 00:07

Could be worse. I walk into a shop with my mum and People ask if we're sistersHmm.

KC225 · 26/09/2017 00:48

Try being a fat bird and mistaken for being pregnant. Now that smarts

RWBY · 26/09/2017 01:05

It can be very demoralizing if you are mistaken for being much younger, especially in a workplace

troodiedoo · 26/09/2017 01:07

I worked in a convenience store when I was at college. The owners were the rudest most antisocial people you could ever meet.

I'll never forget one guy trying to buy beer. Mr boss "ask him for id little girl!" (They never called us by our names) Mrs boss "oh he's clearly over 18, look he's got a little beard". Mr boss "that's not a beard it's just bum fluff!". Youthful man (to me) "here's a pound, buy that bloke some fucking manners!" .

I really loved that job.

Carouselfish · 26/09/2017 01:11

I get 'aren't you tall?' (yes, yes I am) comments all the time. First thing that pops into their head and they have no filter between brain and mouth I guess.

Mind you, it was quite funny when I walked into a pub and a man yelled out, 'blimey, it's a six footer!' Like I was a fish.

I guess we just have to think of some witty replies.

Demander · 26/09/2017 01:18

You're either somebody who understands what is important or you're not.
If you think your diamond slippers are too tight then ya do.
But don't expect others to care.

tararabumdeay · 26/09/2017 01:20

'Please remind me which finishing school of charm and diplomacy you attended'
In reply to any insult regarding looks.

debucnik · 26/09/2017 01:24

Op you do relise the akward conversation is probably just the poor assistant trying to cover their embarrassment at have judged you age so wrong. We hate have to ID people pretty much no one takes it well unless it's the day of their 18th birthday. I say this a both a 34 year old frequently asked for ID and as person responsible for age related sales. Please cut us some slack!

Pamplemousse17 · 26/09/2017 01:59

I can somewhat sympathise, imagine it being proposed that you attend a local support group for young mothers, specifically those aged between 17 and 21, despite the fact that you're late 20's and said healthcare professional really ought to know this basic information considering their insistence upon visiting your home daily for 9 consecutive days post-birth...

DasPepe · 26/09/2017 02:31

Erm, hello people with various issues, who keep going on about how until you experience something You Really Don't Know.

It's not about looking good for your age but looking much younger than you are. There is a difference. My skin isn't so great and I have wrinkles: if you look closely you can tell my age. But for some reason my features make me look childish. Often you get looks or under the breath comments (pushing a buggy / having a drink, holding your husbands hand). which you have to let go unles you want to confront people with your real age and then really come across as childish.

People make assumptions about your age and then also on your life experience, knowledge and capability. The problem I found is that once people make an assumption it's really hard to get people to change their mind: it's like going into someone else's home and telling them they've placed their plant in the wrong place. They will not want to change.

I once got quit annoyed because my husbands co worked called him (jokingly) a cradle snatcher. As if I had no mind of my own. Yes it's just a comment but people make these comments without thought and th accompanying labeling that comes with is also not considered.

And dealing with this regularly can be tedious and annoying.
Larger people often say they can come across comments about lazyness and ability. Looking young when you oh are not also has implications.

Broken11Girl · 26/09/2017 02:46

YANBU. Agree, Sienna, DasPepe. It's about the being patronised, even when people know your age they can't seem to move from the mindset you're much younger, the being assumed much less capable than you are. Especially at work, as some pps said. It grates. I am mid 30s, was ID-ed until a couple of years ago, don't miss it at all. And yes am short and get sick of people commenting, oh you noticed Einstein Hmm It's just bloody rude, not polite conversation, if you want to chat say something about the weather or something FGS.

Abbylee · 26/09/2017 03:05

It is probably envy. Growing old and looking one's age is sometimes (to me) difficult.

BoggleHole · 26/09/2017 03:20

I can relate as I always looked a lot younger than my age and had a similar experience. I know people think it's good to look young, but it can actually be a disadvantage. I don't drive so I had to take my passport with me everywhere in case I got Id'd. But the most infuriating thing was how often I got talked down to and not taken seriously by people who thought I was just out of sixth form.

However having said that, Sometimes looking young for your age has it's perks. I remember being 27 when I couple of Jehovah's witnesses came to the door, they looked me up and down then asked if my mum was in. I answered quite truthfully, No. lol

brokencrayons · 26/09/2017 03:36

i love being told i look young

JWrecks · 26/09/2017 05:48

i love being told i look young

Yes, I love being told I look young. I can't think of a time I didn't feel at least somewhat flattered by it.

The problem comes when I'm treated like I'm young. That has really gotten in the way of my life several times, and it can be terribly frustrating.