To think this is shit. If you're a happy mum... how?

[upsidedown2017]

I don't know what my expectations of parenthood were but I am absolutely sick to death of it and want to switch the off button. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Constant sickness Sept - April.

Sleepless nights continuously for the past 2 years. Daily 5am wake ups every single day of my life.

Have aged dramatically within 5 years and gone from being reasonably attractive and put together to a haggard mess.

No holiday or weekend day out has been remotely enjoyable.

Whinging, whining, constant demands.

House is a pig sty. Endless endless housework and food prep.

No money.

Husband no longer finds me attractive & marriage essentially over.

I asked the GP for antidepressants and he said no for now, wait until youngest is at nursery, things might settle down etc.

Where do I go from here? I feel like walking off a cliff or running away.

If you are a happy mum in a happy marriage please explain how the hell. Our family life is absolutely shit. I assume other mothers face the same as what I've described above so how do you remain happy and positive?? I just don't see how!

I'm a happy mum but I LTB when my youngest was a year old... It's hard being a lone parent at times but a fuck sight easier than carrying a fucknut dead weight of an h making it all triple difficult.
Parenting is the most continuously stressful experience you can go through apart from prison, says my friend who's done both. Best of luck. It won't stay this way for whatever reason..

Dh has never got up once in 3 years with 2 very bad sleepers and I work in a demanding job full time. However, the trade off for his 8 undisturbed sleep is that he does all tidying, laundry washing up etc and we have a cleaner twice a week so at least I don't have to do that stuff

Wrong thread

It's really tough, i really hear you.
My kids has snotty nose s that turned to chest infections all the time. I cut out all dairy, and the difference was so worth the hassle. You can get goats cheddar in lots of super markets, St Helens is the most kid friendly. Mine don't like goats milk, so we use rice milk. It was heaven not to be up with then at night all the time.
Of you decide to give it a go, pm me for tips.
Best of luck x

And get back to your useless gp and tell him you are desperate.
It does get better op. As they get older it all improves hugely. I sometimes wonder if the early years bit only works for control freaks or the unbelievably laid back

@Ohyesiam that's really interesting. He's actually never had dairy until quite recently and I'm wondering if that's what's causing all the mucus. I'll cut it out and see :)

@Badgoushk I didn't think you sounded smug at all, you just answered the OP.

OP, I have 3 DC including two toddlers 18 months apart. I certainly don't have it all figured out (by a long shot) but one thing I have to contribute is that I find exercise more effective than antidepressants, having tried both.

I was on sertraline for about 8 months last year but came off as I felt a bit disconnected on it. Having been the least sporty person in the world ever, ever, I started the couch to 5k thing last May and it has revolutionised my mental health. Additionally I have lost the remaining baby weight and toned up a bit. I feel 100 times better when running regularly than I did on the anti-ds. Not everyone's cup of tea but it's worked for me. I go out in the evenings at about 9pm for 40 mins, three times a week.

@MaisieDotes - this is top of my priority list! Only 3 times a week and you feel the benefits? How far are you running? I used to love running pre kids. Must get back to it.

Three times a week and it's set in stone- Sunday, Tues and Thurs. Yes, I feel amazing benefits! I have my headphones on and I just cherish the time alone. I do 5k but I might start trying to build up to some longer runs soon. I'm stuck in at the moment with an ankle injury and I am like a demon Just dying to get back to my little routine.

I did (and still do) vast amounts of walking anyway. But the running has just made such a difference to my mood.

The monotony and drudgery of small kids can be so draining.

For me sleep was the most important requirement and luckily both DCs are good sleepers albeit aided by ewan the sheep, projector, dummies, cots on wheels, white noise at various points of their lives. On a Gro Clock now.

With DC1 what helped was the below.

A small TV in the bedroom (MN fail!) so would tuck DC1 back into bed when he awoke at 6am and doze with him watching Peppa.

A part time job which gave me space to clear my mind of shite.

Also family which allowed me to get to an exercise class 1 or 2 times a week for me time.

A cleaner.

Now DC2 has arrived & I am on mat leave DC1 goes to the childminder 2/3 times a week.

Live near a park so fresh air and exercise for them both.

DH often is home in time to help with bed/bath & we really try to stick to 7/7.30 pm bedtime.

Batch cooking is a life saver and we bought another freezer to accommodate said batches. Luckily DH likes cooking.

Lastly I really try not to stress and go with the flow, although I defo comfort eat. I think I have a lot of help and I still find it hard and house only seems to be tidy 1 day a week.

Get a nanny.

Nothing is going to be perfect. Bugger the stress of a constantly tidy house, enjoy the kids, their only young once. When they take a nap, have some down time for you.
Try not to pressurise yourself into being perfect because nobody’s family is.
It is draining. I know the feeling to well, but try and change your mindset a bit.
It’ll all work out, and I agree to Go back to the docs or request to see a different one! Cut yourself some slack.

I think iPhones and the like are the work of the devil and make parenting so much harder.

Badgoushk I also don't think you were smug at all. My DCs are grown uo now but my DH and I always worked in sync with each other at home and to support each other professionally.
OP i don't really have much to add to the good advice given here.
As Maisiedotes mentions get out and run. Fresh air will clear the mind and despite the initial effort will soon give you more energy.
And if you think there is still a little spark left, get a babysitter and get out together. Personally I have never had an issue with leaving my DCs for nights out or weekends and they are both fully functioning adults now.

@burninghigh - why? Not that I use mine much, but just wondering?

It’s a little balance and give and take, play with your kids, who cares if the house is a tip the dirt will still be there but their childhood won’t.

Do stuf that the children will love for holidays and there will be less upset. Have some time out, spa, hairdressers or even just a coffee with a friend.

You say your marriage is over but if you try some time together child free and see if there is anything to save don’t give up so easy.

I hope you can get some help op it can feel like the end of the world when you are overwhelmed with the daily struggle.

I thought of this thread today. I'm just coming to the end of my year long mat leave after having DD2, and do you know what, I'm looking forward to going back to work! I've got a 3 year old and a (nearly) 11 month old, and I'm sick of the constant whining and crying, the constant mess (which because our house is up for sale, I'm constantly trying to clean to make it suitable for viewings), and the sheer fucking monotony of it all. To top it all DD1 broke my laptop yesterday which I saved for a whole fucking year to buy, and was the only 'nice' thing I've probably bought myself in about 5 years (I drive an old car, all my clothes are from Ebay / Primark etc). I love my DDs dearly, but I just don't think I've got the patience for it.

Yes to 3x per week exercise making a difference. I can get away with 20 min sessions 2-3x. It really helps me.

I'm a mum of one DS, and I'm a wife. And a SAHM. And I'm happy.

How?

Well. We're a low-income, working class household, so no cleaners or M&S meals I'm afraid, but DH is simply awesome at parenting. In fact, he does most of it. He works 1pm-8pm, and plays with DS before and after work. DS goes to nursery 3 days a week. I breastfed for 3 years so did all the night feeds, I also do all housework and clothes washing etc. And it's ok. I'm not pedantic, I don't work myself to death, in fact the house is messy most of the time as I only do one big tidy a day. ;)

I cook most of the time, but we have one takeaway a week, one dinner at the inlaws a week, and DH cooks on Sundays.

As soon as DH comes home every night, I disappear upstairs and have a nice long bath. I take my time in there, and use all my lotions and potions after. In the morning, I come downstairs to find coffee freshly made for me. In fact, he makes all the drinks when he's home.

DH does most of the playtime. I'm more of a snuggle up and read quietly type, DS does seem to like this too, but DH is extremely fit and more than happy to run around with DS (who's also full of energy) for hours and hours on end.

Most importantly, the inlaws have DS on Saturdays for 5 hours, so DH and I can get some time together to cuddle shag

So yeah, I'm quite happy with my lot. We don't have much money at all and we don't have many 'nice' things, but the family dynamics are wonderful.

I’m exhausted working and juggling too but being at home all the time with no respite would suit me less.

Husbands need to pull their weight, as do older kids. Let the les important stuff slide. And factor in kid-free time (and that includes being left to sleep in one day at the weekend).

@KitKat1985 - we sound alike! Hope going back to work is helpful for you. I'm definitely pinning all hopes on it being a godsend for me.

Also starting the running/couchto5k this week too as that was a common theme on the thread.

I've had a truly awful week of it. Dog tired, ill kids, sleepless nights and of course the arguments with DH that result from weeks like those 😓

Just trying to take little steps forward in any way I can to improve things for everyone. Progress is so slow though.

Good luck for the couch to 5k this weekend upsidedown2017!

I hope next week is better for you. It's always harder when the kids are ill.

C25k has been a huge positive so far - I am loving it. Highly recommend it to anyone reading. I feel free when I'm running.

The illness is the big thing getting me down at the moment. I feel like the kids eat really healthy especially if you compare to others I know. I have friends who say their child has never had a sickness bug, only 2 colds in a year etc... how? Seriously, how? My eldest is rarely ill now but for her first 3.5 yrs it was relentless and now my youngest is turning out the same! I'm wishing our lives away to get to the point where my youngest is at school and past the worst of it.

Just feeling a bit crap today