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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

858 replies

TellMeItsNotTrue · 24/09/2017 15:31

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day Confused I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery Hmm wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

OP posts:
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6
OhIGotTheMemo · 30/07/2018 10:28

We live in a building with a large indoor swimming pool for residents only. An ex-Resident is currently using the pool as her place of business - to teach swimming lessons. She justifies it because one of the students lives there. None of the rest of the students do though, so she is pretty much permanently occupying the pool for her business despite not living there herself and despite the fact most of the students do not live there...

YouTheCat · 30/07/2018 10:32

Memo, I'd dob the cow in. She'll not be covered with insurance because she shouldn't be there, probably.

Justinonmybroomstick · 30/07/2018 10:41

We live in a building with a large indoor swimming pool for residents only. An ex-Resident is currently using the pool as her place of business - to teach swimming lessons. She justifies it because one of the students lives there. None of the rest of the students do though, so she is pretty much permanently occupying the pool for her business despite not living there herself and despite the fact most of the students do not live there...

This happened in a community where I own property. It was stopped eventually but it took time and I think insurance played a part in it.

It also may have helped that a lot of residents got together and jumped in the pool during a swimming class. Then another time they were all in the pool like sardines so the class couldn’t take place.

Justinonmybroomstick · 30/07/2018 10:42

Oh and a change in the way how the pool could be accessed also helped.

cameltoeflappyflapflap · 30/07/2018 12:20

Baby was 3 weeks old. Sister wants to see baby. She drove but wouldn't come to our house because we have dogs and she doesn't have the patience for dogs. I get 2 busses to her house she texts to ask me to bring in milk, bread and other bits and pieces. She lives a minute walk away from Lidl.

I never picked up the text until I walked through her door, baby is hungry and being fussy. first thing she asks is where is her shopping. I said I don't know what she's talking about and she kicks off saying she has a headache so couldn't go, the baby crying is making it worse and I need to walk him to the shop to stop him from crying because it's only 1 minute from her house.

I about turned and got 2 busses home again. I later see on fb that she had taken friends dog out for a walk that afternoon.

We never spoke for months after that because I was unreasonable for not getting her shopping.

PlateOfBiscuits · 30/07/2018 13:21

Wow. Your sister sounds like a treat camel! Is she more reasonable now?

Powerless · 30/07/2018 19:08

@Littlebluebird123 Please can you link it for me? I can't find it! X

MissConductUS · 30/07/2018 19:38

A complete stranger once knocked on my door and asked if she could put some fish in my freezer until my neighbour (whom the fish was intended for) got home.

This one reminded me of something that happened at a residential care facility I used to work at. They put in CCTV cameras for security and found out that the kitchen staff had been robbing them blind, stealing prime meats, fish, cheeses, etc. in large quantities. One guy got caught because an employee looked in the freezer compartment of a fridge in an kitchen setup for employees in that building to use a lunchroom. In the freezer was a huge slab of salmon, wrapped in paper, cold but not frozen. He informed security, who looked at the CCTV recordings and discovered that one of the cooks was putting meat or fish into the freezer everyday at lunchtime, then picking it up and leaving with it after dinner.

He got sacked of course, but was quite arsey about it, as he considered it "an informal benefit" of working in the kitchen.

cameltoeflappyflapflap · 31/07/2018 10:24

@PlateOfBiscuits No she's still the same unfortunately.

MilkybarGrownup · 31/07/2018 10:33

@MissConductUS that happened at my work once too. The chef did the Booker ordering and it was invoiced to the owner as you'd expect. Never had owner had such high stock costs but figured they were doing well but hadn't had a chance to look at the books. Boss arrived at work in a brand new car. Parked up next to the chef's car and before he had a chance to get out, he watched the chef filling his boot with stock. Turned out he'd been running a catering company on the side using mostly my work's food. Everything from huge roasts for carvery buffets to massive catering bags of prawns and mussels.

Boss told him to turn the fuck around, put everything back and fuck off. It was a few days before his payday. He never got that and according to the boss, it only covered less that half of the suspected losses.

fairgame84 · 31/07/2018 10:48

I work in a school and we have a sports coach come in 2 days per week to do the PE lessons. One sports coach was an absolute sleeze and a CF to boot.
He used to help himself to any treats that were in the staff room without ever bringing anything in himself. If there was ever a buffet for someone's birthday etc he was like a ninja, getting a plateful before anyone could get stuck in. He would drink out tea+coffee without putting in to the tea fund (20p per day, not much but everyone chips in), he would also order school dinners and it would take weeks of the office staff chasing him up before he paid for them.
The Headteacher had completely had enough of the CFery when sports coach won the staff weekly bonus ball (lottery thing) and hadn't paid in for 6 weeks. Headteacher declared that if you don't pay in then you don't win so the £40 winnings were rolled over.
We now have a different and lovely sports coach.

Justinonmybroomstick · 31/07/2018 18:31

A complete stranger once knocked on my door and asked if she could put some fish in my freezer until my neighbour (whom the fish was intended for) got home

I can't see that she was being cheeky. Its not different to taking a parcel in or taking your neighbours washing in off the line if its started to rain.

MilkybarGrownup · 01/08/2018 00:43

Agreed @Justinonmybroomstick It's unusual but I wouldn't say cheeky exactly, just someone in need asking for the only help that makes sense. If they were delivering frozen fish, found the neighbours were out, then they would be stuck with defrosting fish. I'd happily clear a space in one of my freezers for a wee emergency like that.

HunterofStars · 01/08/2018 00:45

I just to live somewhere where some of the residents were great friends and hung out together most days. One day, Queen resident, let's call her Margaret decided to use her flat to host a supper club and residents would chip in £2 every week and they would use the proceeds to book a holiday at Butlins or Haven.

Another resident, let's call him Craig said that he would deal with the money and make sure everyone who attended paid.

Six months later, the group managed to save up enough for a week in a caravan at Haven. During the week, Craig spent all his holiday spends on the fruit machines and therefore had no money for the evenings etc. Everyone bought a round and he would order doubles but he never bought a single round.

Three months later, a new lady, let's call her Cynthia joins the group. She checked the supper club money one evening and noticed that the numbers didn't add up. I was there that evening with my brother as we would socialize with the group sometimes. My brother said "Hunter has a calculator on her phone" so me, my brother and Cynthia went through the paying in book with a fine tooth comb.

We discovered that Craig had not paid a single penny at any of the suppers but had ticked his name to pretend he had. My brother pointed out to Margaret that Craig had been getting a free dinner each week and a free holiday.

The group were furious and Margaret banned him from her flat that night and from all future suppers.

Littlebluebird123 · 01/08/2018 10:04

The Mexican house thief is on this thread. It's several pages in - can't remember how many, sorry.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1735637-Have-you-ever-encountered-anyone-this-cheeky

MilkybarGrownup · 01/08/2018 12:07

Mexican house thief has to be my favourite CF story ever. Closely followed by Workzilla and the dog groomers offering their neighbour's driveways to staff and clients. It was even on their advertising!! Mental.

Powerless · 02/08/2018 20:41

@Littlebluebird123 ShockShockShock Just read it. I AM GOBSMACKED!!!!!!!!!

Littlebluebird123 · 02/08/2018 23:09

@Powerless
I know!
That thread has a few cf but that one does really stick out for the sheer epicness of cfery.

BlancheM · 03/08/2018 00:02

When I was a teenager, the parents of a friend of a friend of mine (my point being: my parents knew of them, but only very vaguely) turned up to the town we were living in at the time, 700 hundred miles away from their own home, having travelled by coach to get there, and got their DD to ring me to ask my parents to pick them up. My dad was at work, mum was confused, but we met them as asked, to be greeted with, 'surprise!!'. The surprise basically being that they fancied a holiday and had selected us to a) show them round and b) put them up. They were most disturbed that I had to go to school instead of spend my days with their DD doing touristy stuff. The oddest part of their cheekyfuckery was that they acted like it was one big surprise for us and that we should've been thrilled.

Original poster
TellMeItsNotTrue · 03/08/2018 13:42

Loving all of the new stories! Can't believe it's up to page 33 Shock

OP posts:
happinessischocolate · 03/08/2018 19:41

undercovernamechange couldn't you have agreed to the extra website work and then deleted the whole content 😂 or is there not a way to retain control of the website so that you can delete the whole thing if payment isn't made 🤷‍♀️

Powerless · 04/08/2018 19:23

@BlancheM Shock And you all just said nothing and allowed it?

QueenOfTheAndals · 04/08/2018 19:31

That's what I don't get on this thread @Powerless. Surely a fucker is only as cheeky as you allow them to be? Some of the posters on this thread need to practice saying no!

Buxtonstill · 04/08/2018 20:04

My sister (NC for 10 years apart from DF funeral) I said I was going Christmas Shopping. I love shopping for gifts, and pride myself on picking things the recipient loves, inc kids; sister well aware of this, and I never asked what I should get the DN. I get a text from her, with a random stream of numbers. I rang to see what they were. ‘Oh it’s just all the things they have picked from the Argos catalogue. It will save me some money’ . Am I some walking cash machine? Will think of more of her CFness....

BlancheM · 04/08/2018 22:38

Oh no, Powerless, my mum soon sent them packing. They were in holiday mode but didn't factor in that we had to work, go to school, didn't have a spare room ect.
They definitely intended to stay though, because rather than take their cases and check in to a hotel, they just went home again the following morning. My mum was fuming about being put on the spot and made to feel like we ruined their trip- even though we knew nothing of it! Very weird. They didn't stay in touch.