Regale me with Cheeky Fucker stories

[TellMeItsNotTrue]

I'm stuck in bed feeling ill, bored and pissed off with the whole situation, AIBU to ask you to entertain me with your tales of CFs?

BTW daily fail and other websites/newspapers can fuck off, my fee for this piece of journalism is 2 million pounds and a takeaway pizza, non-negotiable so if you don't agree to those terms then kindly FTFOTFOSM

The only one I can think of at the moment is last year when a neighbour knocked at our house, we get on great with most of our neighbours but this one looks down her nose at everyone and keeps herself to herself. She told me that I needed to make sure I was home the following day I asked why and was told I needed to be in for the delivery wasn't my birthday and didn't have anything ordered so I asked what was being delivered and how did she know "oh it's not for YOU tinkly laugh no, its from laura Ashley you see" still none the wiser I ask who it's for then and why do I have to be in "well because they said it will be tomorrow and I have appointments! I will be getting my hair done and of course my nails, so I've told them to deliver it here" she then walked off leaving me with my jaw on the floor. I made sure I was out the following day and just put the we missed you card through her door when I got home, not spoken a word to me since, but that isn't unusual for her anyway

@Flamingo19

So why not put that in your original post?

LongSummerDays I did I said she was asking around for spare room. I just elaborated on my last post. Hope this is ok for you

Placemarking to read later

@BottleOfJameson Our lovely friend called us immediately when she discovered this going on & she kicked them out for us and got our key back. She also cleaned up a bit as it was apparently needed 😡

We suspect they had done it before and not been caught - due to some stuff having been moved and also because our fuel bill was higher than expected a couple of months after a previous long trip away (we were away for almost 4 weeks so very little electric & no gas was used during that time, meaning our bill should have been at least a quarter less than normal ).

It was one of those times when I was utterly speechless at the whole thing - hard to get your head round the idea of someone actually thinking they could do this 😱 I did get my voice back in time to give them a serious earful when we got back a few days later 🤬 we also reported them to the management company & told all our other neighbours in case they had anyone else’s keys.

Thankfully we moved house (and country) a few months later & never had to see them again 🎉

I my original reply:

An aquantaince, but by no means a ‘friend’ has messaged me to ask if me or my DH have any room in our suitcases for her fascinator for an upcoming wedding in Spain. Apparently if she adds on a suitcase it will be £100 so she’s asking around for spare room*

I said she’s asking around for spare room then. Not quite sure why are picking an arguement/calling someone an idiot over something so minute. How incredibly pathetic

Perhaps you are the aquantaince in question, hence why this has got your back up?

Oh do grow up dear. I wasn't picking an argument, I merely asked why you changed your story. Curiosity.

This happened about 10 or 11yrs ago now. I only knew my CFNDN's to say hello to in passing.

One day they chapped on their window as I was walking my dogs and motioned me in. They were due to go on holiday the next day, but their son, who was supposed to be looking after their massive dog and cat, had unexpectedly been sent to work on the other side of the country. They knew I liked animals and so asked me if I could possibly look after their pets for them, otherwise they would need to cancel their much needed and longed for holiday - Yes, they really did lay it on that thick-. They would of course pay me for my trouble.

I am terrible in social situations, getting anxious and shy around people. I find it really difficult to say no, especially when everyone is sitting there staring at me, but I was somewhat reluctant, to say the least. I have M.E/fibro, often using a walking stick to get around, and at the time I had 3 dogs of my own to walk, more than enough. I am however a walkover soft touch and didn't want them to miss their holiday, so agreed.

There was no way I could walk all 4 dogs at once, so I ended up having to take mine out, drop them off at home and then walk CFNDN's dog. Then there was the feeding, cleaning dishes, changing cat litter, and of course I felt guilty that they were stuck in the house themselves, so would sit with them for an hour or so every night (like I said, soft touch). I'd also spend ages out back throwing a ball, he was a collie x German shepard, so had loads of energy.

I was so glad when the 2wks were up and CFNDN's came home. They did thank me, however there was no mention of owing me any money. They didn't even give me a thank you card or bring me back a fucking souvenir mug from their holiday. The way they were talking was as if they had done ME a favour as they knew I would love spending time with their animals. I told them that it had actually been really difficult and I was exhausted, but they just nodded their heads and smiled, while leading me to the door.

After that it went back to smiling and saying hello in passing. They seemed completely oblivious to their cheeky fuckery, but somehow I think they know fine well and were just relying on my obvious social anxiety that I'd never bring it up.

Flamingo19 you obviously knew what you meant but it wasn't clear they were asking other people as well from your post. I think that's why the confusion arose

My husband does a specialist line of work and has all the equipment needed.
Neighbours invited him round to discuss doing the work for them.

Its two days work,one day preparing and the next day doing the work.

I had a phone call from the wife of the couple saying they had decided to go ahead with the work but to keep costs down her husband would do the day of prep and so he was taking Monday off work to do it.....so could my husband drop all of the tools needed at there house for first thing Monday morning.....I said I am sorry but we would never lend work tools to anyone and if we did how could my husband go to another job without his gear.....silence at the end of the phone.They never did get back in touch about the work.

A mum at school (who I had spoken to once before on the settling in day) collared me on our DDs first day in reception to ask me what time she could drop her daughter off to my house so that my Aupair could take them to school together (but only 4 days a week as she likes to do one drop off) because she has to leave for work early and we live near each other.

She couldn't understand why I said said no that wouldn't work for us and actually argued with me and said it would be easy for her (yes but not for my poor Aupair who has to deal with my 2 little darlings) and got very offended as she hadn't made any arrangements after the first week of school.

Luckily I have no problem saying no and somehow she managed to figure it out like the grown-up she is

At least three of us didn’t understand your story, so it’s reasonable to suggest it’s you who has not been clear. You made it sound like she’d asked a few people to pack the fascinator - not that she’d asked several to split her stuff between them, so it was a pair of shoes here, a dress there - and that she didn’t want to pay a hundred quid for an additional suitcase, not that she was trying to avoid taking any luggage except maybe a carry-on. It’s not LSD fault that you’ve expressed yourself badly. Frankly, even with the additional information, and while I appreciate that there’s a scale for these, it’s not the most C of CF stories, is it?

Well done @coffeeagogo!

Many years ago when I was in university I lived in a bedsit - there were 2 other students who were on the same campus.

Campus was about a 30 minute walk but if we were late/tired/hung-over/it was raining we would share a taxi in the mornings at a cost of £4.50 which was the same as the bus fare when we split it between 3.

Student A decided to bring her car back after a holiday and announced that

1. We would all travel with her every day (even if we wanted to walk)
2. We would pay her £4 a day each (more than the taxi cost) as it had to cover wear and tear on her vehicle
3. If she finished lectures before us she would not be waiting and we would have to make our own way home (but still pay cos she had the cost of making the journey anyway)

After we had stopped laughing we refused to pay anything and never went in her car. Student B, who had been a hairdresser in a former life also presented her with a retrospective bill for all the hair cuts/perms/streaks that she had done for her prior to car-gate.

The fascinator story did sound like it implied she was looking for space for her fascinator ONLY as there wasn't any mention of any other items needing to be taken.

CF can cause a lot of amusement on here and in real life sometimes but they can really cause havoc with their self entitlement :-(

I often think of Watty and wonder if there's been any resolution of the whole saga. I also sometimes wonder if I might see a "Nightmare builders destroyed my home" type article in the papers sometime. It's shocking to think how easy it is for some eejit to totally fuck you over like that, then disappear.

I have read most of the CF stories on here... think I’m obsessed

I love a CF story, especially if it is also a parking thread. The dog groomer who was running a business from home and inviting his clients to park in his neighbour's drive was a classic, and had all the vital ingredients for a good CF story, including the all-important comeuppance for the CF.

I also enjoyed the one started by an MNer who had a load of fairly serious play equipment in her garden, and a CF neighbour who treated it as though it was a public park. She ended up having to put a lock on her gate to keep them out.

The denouement was that her son locked the back gate when he went out, not realising that the CFN and their kids were in the garden. Getting locked into somewhere you really shouldn't be must be so embarrassing ...

An ex-friend invited 20 people to her 40th birthday meal, this was at a very fancy restaurant everyone was informed it was all on them. When we arrived and sat down there was a glass of wine each. Her husband stood up and said for us to choose what ever we wanted of the menu, he then proceeded to order the most expensive champagne. At the end of this meal the bill was presented to him and low and behold he'd forgotten his wallet and his wife had no purse. He apologized and said he'd pay everyone back. Some people didn't take a lot of money with them. It cost nearly £200 each. Has anyone ever had their Money back no. The next week they did a moonlight flit out of the area.
One of the other guests saw them whilst they were on holiday and confronted them about the money they were told we had a good send off and he couldn't remember how much he owed everyone.

I'm aware this is an old thread (what a thread it is) but had to add this.

I know of many CF stories, I live between a row of 4 as it is but the worst one has to be the local ultimate CF....

This particular person would do several charity runs and other events a year and knock on doors throughout 2-3 estates raising money for these charities. A lot of money was raised. Fair enough at first until 1 year she was caught out by several people, including her own childminder and family running for the same charity twice in one year. Who only do this particular event annually.

Turns out she was saving and used the money raised on cosmetic surgery. She was reported to the charity by her own mother and then husband, who then contacted the police.

How do we know it's true? She admitted to the lot as if it was something to be proud of to a large group of parents at the school gate. Most of whom had donated money to these cancer charities over the years, or thought they had. To add insult to injury, it was not not long after another parent had lost her battle with that shitty disease leaving 4 children and husband behind.

The atmosphere was something I'd imagine to be close to that of a pack of wolves ready to make a kill.

Apparently, although she hasn't tried that stunt since, she is still very much a CF in other ways despite moving out of the area not long after.

flamingo19 - I understood your story and have no idea why you are being criticised about it!! 🤔
You can’t please all of the people all of the time.....😉

I know someone (she was the OW) who sent a self-help book called "How to keep your Husband." to her boyfriend's wife he was divorcing.

The worst part was she's so daft that she thought she was actually helping.

I wonder if there's a "How Not to be a CF" self-help book out there for her.

scottishthistle77 now you know who is going to look after your pets next time you’re away!

We used to live in a top floor flat and when my DS was newborn I'd do online shopping to save me the hassle to carrying a baby/pram/shopping etc up and down the stairs all the time. Had nearly no issues (except for one driver refusing to walk up the 2 small flights of stairs to my door whilst I was trying to change DS nappy) but one time my order didn't arrive on time. I rang up and was told it had been delivered in the allotted time. I said clearly it hadn't otherwise I wouldn't be ringing! I was distressed as this order contained my DS formula and nappies which had both ran out after his last feed. Was told in no uncertain terms my order was delivered.
To cut a long story short, they filled the order again and my DP had to pick it up on his way home (I had to go to the shop for DS things though) but I found out a few days later that the guy in the ground floor flat had taken my order, after I passed him on my way out and he told me 'thanks for the food I really appreciated it' !!!!
He was in a wheelchair and struggled to get out and occasionally I did get him a few bits if I was going out and he was desperate (he never gave me money though) but for him to think I'd buy him a full weekly shop - half of which for a bloody newborn when he was 60 odd and lived alone - is completely beyond me! Still makes me angry considering my DP used to regularly go down to his flat in the middle of the night when he'd fallen out of bed and needed help (all other neighbours turned a blind eye to him even though if we could hear him shouting for help 2 floors up then they certainly could too!)

Sitting enjoying a coffee outside in the town centre, watching the world go by. One of the well known locals wanders past looking sad and a bit rumpled, approaches me and says can you spare me a pound?

She's not really a beggar and not on drugs - she's known around town, there's some MH issues I think but she's harmless apart from always wanting to kiss my husband and she asks passers by for a quid until she's got enough to get something from Greggs. I smile indulgently and hand her a pound coin, whereupon she announces happily that she's just won £4 on a scratchcard.

Ooh, you cheeky fucker.