To ask if you and your DP/H earn hugely differing salaries, how you manage money?

[RedHareWithBlondeHair]

My partner and I earn very different salaries. Currently this isn't an issue as we pay/spend relative to our earnings but I wonder about the future because we talk about certain big purchases/spends that one of us will only be able to contribute something like 10% to, if that, leaving the other to pick up the 90%. It's not an issue at the moment but I do see it becoming one.

I don't think it matters who earns what as long as it's enough. I used to earn more than my H, then I gave up work to have the kids and was a SAHM for six years. Why does it matter who pays?

When he was my BF, we had separate money. When we became partners, we paid all the bills, saving, then leftover split equally into 'pocket money'. That we spend as we like.

I couldn't eat lobster while my partner eats baked beans. We work as hard as each other. It's just society values one form of non-essential, frankly fluffy work more than another life-saving, essential form of work

I’m temporarily a SAHM but it makes no difference we always deal with our money the same way:

All income is fed into the joint account.
Both parties have full access to the account.
We agree a budget.
We agree anything over and above normal spending.

We’ve operated this way since we got married regardless of who was currently earning more. There is no “his money” and “my money” there’s just “our money”.

Family money. All income is equally ours, all outgoings are equally our responsibility. Another other than one pot wouldn't work for us.

I work full time and DH is a stay at home dad. We spend the family money as required and neither has to account to the other. Larger than normal expenditure is discussed before purchasing.

Joint account. I manage finances. We do not have this spends malarkey. If I want to go out, I go out, If I want to buy clothes/makeup/hair etc I get it done. If he wants to play golf/go to the pub/play more golf/go to a football match, he does the same. I cant get my head round this 'spends' thing. It sounds so child like, accounting for every penny.

I've just left a 15 year marriage partly because of this. He never allowed family money, never had a joint bank account and he lived like a king while I was a SAHM with next to no income. I had to beg for every penny and most of the time he made me pay it back. When it finally came to a head, he said he was trying to teach me to be better with money 😂

It's all one big pot in our family. Tax optimised income other than PAYE and joint accounts for everything that can it be joint for (so not pensions or ISAs). Wife lives in a low tax jurisdiction and pays 11% average tax on an income 2x mine. I pay slightly under 40% average tax rate so nearly 2x her tax bill.

Despite all this and ups and downs over prior years we just share everything. We don't have a "your money/my money" mentality but do refer to our earnings if we buy something expensive.

Most of our expenses are in GBP so my earnings cover it but we have nothing left over for fun which makes me feel a little poor sometimes despite having money elsewhere.

One pot here too.

Neither of us are huge spenders so we don't have allocated pocket money, we both just spend whatever on the joint credit card and the higher earner pays the bill (and all the other bills).

Jointly-agreed jointly-accessible money for all joint expenditure (e.g. house, groceries, bills, etc).

Equal only-accessible-to-you spending money.

Dh & I have never had a joint bank account with good reason, which is I am crappie at saving money and he great. So, I earn a good wage, and pay all the mortgage, utilities, the telly licence, the Amazon prime, the Netflix, the vets bills, etc. I barely touch my account at all. Money goes in, money goes out. If I am lucky, there may be a bit left over which I put in the instant saver for a rainy day. The reason why I give my husband my debit card to keep is so that I don't go mental paying for other stuff.

Husband earns much less than me. He pays some insurance premiums, the sky TV, all the savings premiums, all the grocery shopping (£100+ a week), and saves up for all our clothes, our holidays, daughter's Zip card expenses (to use the Tube), all travel expenses and nights out. I say he's in charge of "fun and entertainment". London is very expensive and we hope to move to the Sussex coast in the next year, to save some money!

Fence sitter how is it a malarkey having say - £500 each to spend per month?

Is it not quite sensible to know your limits?

Married 30+ years joint account from day 1 all earnings into this account. Trust each other to spend wisely. Never been an issue.

We have a joint current account and we both pay into it every month - DH earns more so he pays more in, and he also puts money into a joint savings account and a separate savings account for DS. He has slightly more left for himself than I do, but he pays his own train season ticket from his own money too. I get nursery vouchers so I bank those to cover childcare in the school holidays

It is a bit convoluted I suppose but it's kind of evolved with our relationship. Neither of us is left short though so it works for us.

We will be putting into one big pot when I am on maternity leave and taking out a set amount each for person spends each month. That amount is yet to be decided but between £150-£200 a month likely. Likely we will continue to do this over the coming years as we want a 2nd child if we can and I'll always earn less but contribute in a different way towards the family.

Joint account. I work part time. Like Fence I spend what I want, as does Dh. I don't get this 'this is mine' view. My newly married niece was telling us that they both pay into their joint account, but that she had lent her Dh £85 and expected it back. Made me very sad.

We don't even think about it. He spends it, I spend it, whatever's left we put in the savings account.

The spends thing works well (and isn't childish ) if one person likes buying little and often (beer and video games) and the other likes saving and buying once in a while (expensive sunglasses). Because beer would clearly be fine but my $600 sunglasses would be a discussion. They aren't, because we have pocket money, that I save.

I earn over 3x more than my husband, we keep what we need and the rest foes into the family budget - he's more bothered than I am about it - I say we share

We only have a joint account. No separate accounts to transfer our own spending money, like some do. Our wages go in. We spend. End of.

Joint account. He earns more. I spend more.

He works full time. I work part time. His account is our account. My account is my account. Win win. 🎗

Is it you that is the higher earner OP and this is why you foresee it becoming an issue?

Loads of couples have hugely differing salaries. You just work with what you've got and live accordingly. DH was always a much higher earner than me, so I've been a SAHM, but if things had been the other way rounds or we earned more equally, we might have needed to make different decisions.

Do you plan to have DC with this man? I'm another one that doesn't get this "spends" business. Surely if you're married with kids you just put your money in a joint account and be done with it, unless one of you has a serious gambling problem or is a total spendaholic or you can't trust them for some other reason?

When we were both working

We used to have a joint account for bills which we paid into on a percentage basis. When I temporarily became SAHM, he wanted to give me an allowance, I told him to jog on if he thought I was going to accept not having equal access to family money. We then put everything into one pot. I'm back working now but we've carried on with one pot. It has now benefitted him as once I had access to all the money I squirrelled away as much as I could into the offset mortgage so when he announced he wanted to start his own business I could say "yup, and here's the lump sum you need to do it".