To ask if you and your DP/H earn hugely differing salaries, how you manage money?

[RedHareWithBlondeHair]

My partner and I earn very different salaries. Currently this isn't an issue as we pay/spend relative to our earnings but I wonder about the future because we talk about certain big purchases/spends that one of us will only be able to contribute something like 10% to, if that, leaving the other to pick up the 90%. It's not an issue at the moment but I do see it becoming one.

At the moment DH is unemployed and has been for about 2 months. Before that he was employed full-time but on a low income and I was a full-time student who also worked part-time on a low income. And since we moved he has been unemployed but I started work full-time on a low income.

Ever since we were married or perhaps a few months before then, I can't really remember, we have just pooled all our resources. It's all family money as far as we are concerned and we've never had any issues thus far. However we don't own any assets and neither of us have ever been on a decent income yet either so I'm not going to be naive to say that things definitely won't change in the future, I suppose they could, but at the moment this works fine. It helps that we have similar attitudes to money. We spend what we like for small personal spends but anything large will be discussed first (and given my wage at the moment large is like anything £50+ I guess).

I earn way more than DH. We have always had one pot of money - all that we both earn is family money. Any large purchases have to be agreed.

DH earns way more than me. My salary goes into one joint account and his salary goes into two joint accounts. The account my salary goes into pays for housing costs. We also have four rental units here to manage and they are run out of that account.

The two accounts DHs salary goes into is a spending account and a savings account. The spending pays for childcare etc. with all purchases over $100 discussed first in terms of 'oh I was thinking to buy new sunglasses and was thinking of these. What do you think? They are $110 so not sure if they are worth it?' DH should buy shares in raybans because he buys about 4-5 pairs a year.

The whole separate accounts when you are married seems way too complicated to me for a couple who have made a legal commitment to each other. Reading through the relationship thread highlights to me how that whole separate accounts malarkey creates a division in many couples.

DH earns in three days what I earn in a month as a teacher. At the start the difference was difficult at times; our salaries meant that our starting points on what-to-do-on-a-date were sometimes quite different. But our money is our money. I had my own house when we met so when we bought our house together insisted I use the old house to put down 50% of the deposit. Since then he's paid the majority of the bills while I pay for holidays and 'fun' stuff. If I'm short or anything 'large' needs paying for he'll chuck me his bank card. Likewise when his business struggled years ago for 6 months, I subbed him.

It works for us because we both have separate and joint monies (we both contribute to the joint account which pays the mortgage) because we're both quite laid back about it and because we're both open about money. If we buy stuff generally we talk about it first, but there's not much 'mine' and 'his', just 'ours'.

I'm a sahm and dp is a scientist (so not great money for a graduate really). While we don't have a joint account I have his p.i.n and access to his bank card. He pays for all the essentials out of his account and the tax credits we get go into mine. I spend this however I see fit and if I need more (which is every month as we don't get loads, not a problem, we used to get a lot and were still skint) it's never a problem.

WhooAmI - but why would he need to chuck you his bank card? Why would you not both have the same bank card to to begin with? Why not have bills, holidays and everything come out of a shared account, not one or the other if you paying for certain things. Why have any division at all?

Like some others on this thread I am the breadwinner, DH does the childcare, accounting, shopping, cooking etc. The money is all our money and we both have access to all accounts.

We used to earn the same before dd was born. Now I work part time I earn 1/2 what he does.
Earlier in our relationship I was studying for my MA and was barely earning anything.

At all times we've put everything in together and used it all as family money rather than mine and his separately. We agree big purchases between us but not in terms of who pays what, just that we're both happy with it in general.

DH earns 2.5x my salary. We pay everything into a joint bank account. direct debits are used to pay all bills etc.
We use budget software to decide how much we will spend on everything things each month after bills paid. We discuss the amounts and if we want to spend on large items etc/put into ISAs/save for car replacement, Christmas and holidays etc. This is adjusted a bit each month to take into account the unexpected costs that come up all the time (things breaking etc)

We have always had a joint bank account but the budgeting software is newish (last couple of years) which has helped a lot. In the past we did have quite a big overdraft. I would say neither of us were incredibly good with money but we never rely argued about it because I think we are fairly similar in our attitude to money. I.e quite cautious (probably over insured etc) but also not keen to deny ourselves things just for the sake of saving.

Nowadays I manage the day to day budgeting stuff and DH reviews/renews insurances/ utilities each year and looks for deals to save money etc.

On the whole we just don't argue about money. Not sure why but it doesn't seem worth it. I am probably a bit more spendthrift than DH but on the whole we don't seem to have very different attitudes to it.

DH is on 85k to my 27 (and I'm part time so that's pro rata which is about 16k)

Both my salary and his goes into our joint account. We don't have his n hers money - it's all shared.

Joint account also - BUT... we both have the same views on money and spending.

Joint accounts. All money is for the family. We tend to check with each other before spending a large amount on 'nice stuff' (new clothes for instance) but otherwise we just recon up at the end of the month.

Before we bought a house together we had separate accounts and paid 50/50 for everything. We didn't do joint purchases where one person only paid a little. If we had a situation like that, one of us (he was earning more at the start of our relationship, I was earning more by the time we bought a house) would outright buy it/pay for it. That happened a few times, e.g. a holiday I paid for and a car he paid for but I used half the time.

Once we got serious enough to buy a house we paid the mortgage 50/50 so we had equal stakes in that investment, then pooled our money in proportion to our salaries (~60/40). All joint expenses other than the mortgage came out of that pool and we had individual savings and spending money. Then we moved for his work which put me at a big financial disadvantage. We pooled everything then with equal access and authority over the money and got married to ensure that I was better protected legally.

DH earns much, much more than me. I've taken primary responsibility for raising the children and running the home. We have joint finances. It is all "our" money. We've been together for 23 years.

We have a budget for basics, savings, and personal spending. The rest of the money gets discussed and we try to have similar priorities. We set down and go through the accounts a couple of times a month.

Whatever works for a couple is fine, but often the partner with the smaller earnings does end up contributing more in other ways. If the higher earner devalues those contributions, it is really toxic for the relationship.

I get the feeling that you are the higher earner, and are concerned about putting in "more." I think you have to figure out if you are all in the relationship or not. If not, just pay 100% of the item, and then it is yours when the relationship ends.

When we moved in together we earned about the same and all our money became joint, one big pot. Now, 25 years later, dh is the only earner but everything is still joint.

I can understand unmarried couples having separate money but never understood why married couples did. Each to their own, I know, but surely everything should just be shared?

I find it hard to imagine how the "personal allowances" set-up could work if you have DC. So many things are done as a family - e.g. lunch out. Do you take it in turns to pay? It must be a headache.

Not really. Lunch out as a family is not 'personal allowance' as it's family spending. Hence why I said anything over and above our personal allowance goes into a family (I.e. joint account) pot. As long as you're clear on what defines 'personal' and 'family' it's very simple. Neither of us would buy things for the kids out of our personal allowance, which is for things like hobbies or nights out with friends. We did it this way because I earn a lot more than dh and I was conscious he was left with nothing for himself after the bills were paid, but we like to budget and save for things like holidays, Christmas, kids' birthdays, essential household spend etc. Our allowance is what we both thought was fair (neither of us are big personal spenders in reality) and it works well for us.

Like most others, both of our wages (his considerably more than mine) go into our joint account from which all bills are paid. Then, I transfer money into other accounts to save for holidays/birthdays/Christmas etc. Then we get the same amount of "spending money" transferred into our own current accounts & whatever happens to be left is saved.

I don't think the "spends" business is childish. Yes, it's sort of like pocket money but it means that we can organise our own social lives without needing to run anything past the other.

Major personal expenditure we pay from our "spends" but big purchases for the house or family is discussed and paid from savings.

Works perfectly for us and always has done.

Fence sitter how is it a malarkey having say - £500 each to spend per month? Is it not quite sensible to know your limits?

Well I cant get my head round a hypothetical scenario of spending X and ""being short of spends" by a fiver so you cant go out/get your hair cut/play golf. It ridiculous way for adults to behave (IMHO)

One type of thread does render me agog is the spends and money in general. It usually goes some thing like - lets all put in an equal percentage of our salary BUT we keep an equal fiscal amount (which is going to be a completely different percentage OR keep the remainder of your salary - which only works of you have fairly equal salaries or else one person keeps £500 a week and the other keeps £50.

But of course, what works for one couple will neo work for another. Some people are sharers, some are hoarders, some are savers and some are spenders .

No way am I ever having my spending restricted nor go cap in hand and ask for more "spends"

Oh, and there's an amount budgeted for DC "spends" - trips, clubs, birthday presents for parties and so on.

I am a very ruthless budgeter.

You would either put in equal percentages, or keep equal amounts. Of course those are two completely different things.

I think it's not an issue if you are in a permanent relationship with children and jointly owned rented house. It is quite a big deal to start sharing finances if you aren't sure the relationship will last. But I can't see how it can work if you don't. One person wearing George and the other Dior. It can cause problems. But I'd like to be the one with the money if I had to choose.

@FenceSitter01

Clearly never had to live on a tight budget then...

Well I cant get my head round a hypothetical scenario of spending X and ""being short of spends" by a fiver so you cant go out/get your hair cut/play golf. It ridiculous way for adults to behave (IMHO)

I don't understand. Surely you have some kind of budget that you try and stick to every month, or do you just buy whatever you want whenever you want it regardless of cost.

We both have credit cards and access to savings...if we need more one month we can get it. But a general guideline for what we can comfortably spend without getting into ridiculous debt seems sensible to me.

My DP would like to buy a new expensive electric guitar. We have no money left each month- he couldn't just take it out of the joint account. Instead we both take £50 per month as personal spends. He saves his for his guitar. I spend mine on coffees and nicer toiletries than I would otherwise buy. Meals out/ days out and all other joint spending goes from the joint account.

Separate accounts. He pays for stuff. I pay for stuff. We spilt the cost of other stuff e.g. holidays.