To ask if you and your DP/H earn hugely differing salaries, how you manage money?

[RedHareWithBlondeHair]

My partner and I earn very different salaries. Currently this isn't an issue as we pay/spend relative to our earnings but I wonder about the future because we talk about certain big purchases/spends that one of us will only be able to contribute something like 10% to, if that, leaving the other to pick up the 90%. It's not an issue at the moment but I do see it becoming one.

Well using round figures for my simple maths - If A earned 1,000 a month and B earned 500 a month and each put in eg 50% of their salary (so that's A = £500 and B = 250) for bills, each has A 500 and B 250 left to spend, so each has kept 50% BUT there is an actual fiscal inequality so to make it equal A has to give B £125 so they both have £375 to spend ..... but why should A subsidise B to the tune of 25% of their salary ? That's where resentment builds up.

Lob it all in the same pot and its all nicey nicey!

Everything in to one pot, all bills and saving come out, we use what's left as we need or wish to.
Neither if us makes bug purchases with out giving the other a heads up.
Has worked for us for 20 years.
Wouldn't do it if I couldn't trust him though.

In this house.
His is his mine is mine. He's the higher earner.
It never really use to bother but at times when we are at Sainsbury's for example he will put the " next customer" separation thing down for me to then pop my things on.
It's not every time properly about 80% of the time but I'm use to it now. He's always been tight but not in a mean way (dunno lol) just keeps things cheap I suppose.

What's DH's is mine and what's mine is me own...!

We have separate bank accounts because we are lazy. DH is the main earner. All our money is our money. DH refers to his bank a/c as 'the bank a/c'. I use his card or transfer money to my a/c as and when. I do all the budgeting. Needs first. Usually not much left over. No monthly amount 'for spends'. Personal purchases discussed in a 'do we have enough money for this?' way, not a seeking permission way. I normally treat myself out of savings I have made being frugal/bargain hunting/financially savvy. e.g. using boosted clubcard vouchers to pay for my phonebill - phonebill money on something for me. I suppose I wouldn't be entirely comfortable with buying myself something unnecessary out of family money otherwise. DH has no such issues.

"times when we are at Sainsbury's for example he will put the " next customer" separation thing down for me to then pop my things on" - Awful!!!!

His is his mine is mine. He's the higher earner.
It never really use to bother but at times when we are at Sainsbury's for example he will put the " next customer" separation thing down for me to then pop my things on.
It's not every time properly about 80% of the time but I'm use to it now. He's always been tight but not in a mean way (dunno lol) just keeps things cheap I suppose.

Sorry but he sounds financially abusive.

@FenceSitter01 I think you are misunderstanding how many people organise spends. In our house, regardless of who bring what in, we have the same pocket money. So $100/fortnight for example. If I wanted to spend more I either check with DH or save up. Because our money is allocated. Savings, pensions, family bills and so on. If I spend $50 extra, I'm taking it from one of the other pots of money. The $100 is solely and totally my money. No family lunches, kids toys, presents.

DH spends his on beer, video games, hipster nonsense and electronics. I save mine up and buy Apple products, expensive sunglasses and other overpriced tat.

In our system, no need to ask DH about the very expensive sunglasses. In other systems, it's a large expense and therefore has to be run past the other person. While his beer, video games, hipster nonsense wouldn't because it's cheap.

So our system works better for our spending. And it's fair.

Na he's always been this way even before I got to know him/became a couple. I'm so use to it now. He spoils me on xmas and birthdays but he don't go out of his way in any other way.

DH and I share all money, although we maintain separate accounts for admin reasons. He earns 20x my income so messing around with percentages seems pointless. I can access his bank card but he also transfers money into my account, whenever needed and without me asking. DH deals with most bills and major purchases in full.
We don't ask each other about big purchases - if the money is there and I think something is worth buying, I buy it. I'd hate to have to check. I don't feel guilty about spending money on myself out of household income and he doesn't question it or expect me to justify it. We're both happy with the arrangement and we never argue over money.

We don't have to budget particularly tightly. We have a vague idea of what is sensible to spend and we always have surplus cash each month.

We've had shared finances the whole time we've been married. Before that, we had separate finances but DH would always pay for dates and holidays but he had no input into my living costs/bills.

I am a saver. DH is a spender. He earns 5 times what I earn. We each put a % of our salary into a pot for bills, big purchases etc and the remainder of our salaries is ours for us to spend individually as we wish. If he then wants to spend £100 on a shirt that's up to him. His 'joint' responsibilities are already taken care of.

Joint account, vastly different incomes.
Both get same amount of spending money each month.
Works for us

God reading on here how many men are massively out-earning their female partners (and also pooling their money into joint accounts and spending set ups) you have to admit single women have it so much harder financially.

you have to admit single women have it so much harder financially And lesbian couples. The sex-based pay gap is a huge deal in the gay community here. The 'gay-friendly' areas that tend to be safer are all too expensive for lesbians to live in.

All one pot here. When we first got together I earned much more than DP. Now after a baby I'm part time and he's in a better job and earns more than me. It's never been an issue, ever. But we have very similar approaches to spending and we are good at communicating about it, which is why it works for us. I like it, it feels more 'together' when we just pay for a meal or shopping out of the joint account rather than trying to balance it all out.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Shit thats really interesting it never would have occured to me! The pink pound....for men, eh? Now you mention it my uncles are absolutely minted. Combination of two male incomes and no kids = hotel-style home 😁

Everything into one pot. One account for bills. One for spending, we didn't get married to keep things from each other and the trust is absolute

Since being married, DH and I have a joint account, both salaries get paid in and all bills come out of it. I manage the finances and we have a joint saving account, DH and I both have, what we call 'pocket money', where we have out own individual accounts and both get the same amount each month to spend on our hobbies/interests/flippant purchases.

DH earns about 6x what I do, but I stopped working for a while to look after the children and to support his career.

Always been one joint account at Dh's insistence. I have always been the lower earner, and he is happy with that.

Mrs Terry - but how do you decide that him buying beer should come out of personal spends? Where is the line because you might like a certain type of cheese or something in the weekly shop, or a bottle of wine?
I do see what you mean that some people fritter money more than others and that "personal spends" are a way of budgeting. Nevertheless it would really annoy me if I had run out of "spends" one month and couldn't buy something, knowing that he still had money he was carrying over / saving, because I see his money as ours. Similarly, if there was something he particularly needed, I would never say, "Sorry I'm saving for a,b,c". It has to be this way with us because I haven't earned any money since having DC, so an allowance would literally be like pocket money and very patronising.

Lobbing all into the same pot would not work for me at all.

I like to have my spending money separate so that I:
a - don't worry what the other person is spending
b - don't worry whether I am spending too much
c - can save it up and spend it all in one go if I want, and know it will definitely still be there (rather than the other person thinking that we seem quite flush this month so maybe they'll splash out on a nice treat for both of us that was not what I intended)

Dh earns more, joint account

My paltry earnings go into my own account and i spend it on me

"Nevertheless it would really annoy me if I had run out of "spends" one month and couldn't buy something, knowing that he still had money he was carrying over / saving, because I see his money as ours."

...but it is actually his money, of which you've already had your percentage to spend?

Going against the grain here but I have no idea what dh earns , he could probably take a guess at my salary but doubt he know exactly .

Very early on we agreed what were my bills to pay and what was his , I trust as does he that these are paid and whatever we have left is whatever we have left to spend.

The reason this works for us is because we both earn decent amounts and I have enough to meet my needs .this didn't work when I was made redundant and he wouldn't cover my share as it wasn't his problem .

Talking about money causes a row so i been put up with this for years .

I know its wrong and wish we had put a proper plan in place when we first started to live together .

I earn double what DH earns. We both pay into a joint account each month (I pay slightly more), both have our own accounts which we have the same spends each month. I like to fritter money on clothes, he doesn't. We both can save this anoint if we wish and have private savings, although to be fair we've both used our private savings for joint emergencies in the past (new boiler). Any leftover money is saved in our joint savings account. All large purchases are jointly agreed beforehand. It helps that we're both similarly minded when it comes to finances.

Having our own spends really works for us, certainly doesn't feel like pocket money!!

Joint account from day one. Has never even been an issue as to who earns what - why should it, we are a partnership.