To ask if you and your DP/H earn hugely differing salaries, how you manage money?

[RedHareWithBlondeHair]

My partner and I earn very different salaries. Currently this isn't an issue as we pay/spend relative to our earnings but I wonder about the future because we talk about certain big purchases/spends that one of us will only be able to contribute something like 10% to, if that, leaving the other to pick up the 90%. It's not an issue at the moment but I do see it becoming one.

Lobbing into the same pot only works if you are earning enough to have a disposable and are happy that there is a limit placed on what can be spent on it.

DP and I now have a joint account as its easier that way for dealing with our immigration issues and establishing ourselves in Dublin (we have to make it really really look like we are together). Prior to this we had separate accounts and paid in the appropriate ratio of income-to-bills to the pot but kept our finances separate for some time. If I wanted to use my income to my a £1500 computer I did it. I like big screen iMacs and am not going to save up pocket money to then get some kind of permission to spend it. I earnt my money. I wanted to spend it how I wanted. I am not giving up my financial independence to anyone in that way. These days, the money comes into my personal account, I take what I want and transfer the rest into the joint account. Some months I might keep only 20% after the bills amount. Others I might keep 90%. Its my money.

No. Lots of people just getting by only survive because they put money into the one pot.

It's literally the most simple thing in the world:

Both salaries go into one bank account. He earns around 3 x what I do.
Everything for our home, our children, our life together (holidays, insurances, nurseries, etc) comes out of that pot.
What is left gets split 50/50 between us and put into our own bank accounts to allow some autonomy and privacy. This is where we would buy things like our own clothes, our own personal socialising with friends, he buys his cigs, I pay for my gym membership etc.

I'm head of finance in this house and I have a spreadsheet for planning month to month and we discuss it month to month so sometimes we have more than other months.

I earn much more than my DH but there is no split here, it's never said oh I'm paying for this and that. Both salaries go into the same account, bills are paid savings made and shopping done from both of our money.

When we didn't have DD we paid into the joint account, about 70/30 and all house expenses/food/house purchases came out of that. We monitor it quite closely so big purchase are discussed.

Now we have DD I earn far less (though always did) & don't pay into the joint account so my money is for me (although I buy most of her toys & clothes on amazon with my money). DP gives me a bit of money and everything else comes out of the house.

I sometimes treat him to lunch out or if I buy something I'll comment I paid for it myself. He is very fair minded and wants me to have a nice life. It makes me sad when men keep SAHMs really short and squirrel the money away.

We each have a bank account. DH earns x4 my salary. He pays all the bills. I keep my own salary. He transfers £1k each month into my account for incidental expenses.

Joint account for household bills and we also have our own various accounts. Earn roughly the same but personal outgoings like pensions are completely different so handled individually. Works really well.

I don't have anything to add on how we manage money - our method has been covered already and we're happy with it.

What would be of interest to me in a situation like the OP is the reason for the discrepancy in ability to contribute & level of commitment.

So from the perspective of the higher earner if it was early days, I'd generally want to make sure we had the same standard of day to day living, but probably not to go in jointly on expensive purchases. To give a frivolous example, there's little point in asking the lower earner to scrimp and save to contribute to a car we both use, thus creating a situation where the higher needs to 'buy them out' for a few hundred quid in the event it doesn't work out.

Obviously in an (uncomplicated) marriage level commitment then I'd take far more of a 'we both earn money and both use that money to buy stuff' approach.

On the reason for the discrepancy thing, that's more like is the 90% person just very wealthy / well paid or does the 10% person bring in very little? Assuming it's the latter, I'd want to be comfortable with the reasons for that - essentially that I wasn't pooling money with someone who was taking the piss.

Going against the grain here as married with kids but still have separate accounts.
Wasn't really a conscious thing (too lazy to change) but it works for us. DH pays mortgage, household bills, childcare, car bits, food etc. & I pay for cleaner, buy stuff for kids, treats etc. I do contribute more to holidays.

I work p/t now and DH earns more so this obviously suits me. He's a saver I'm a spender.

Do any of the high earning women on this thread ever judge what their partners spend money on?

Well I'm technically a high earner, but so is DH these days (won't know who earned most until end of the tax year, but might be him). I don't judge in a 'OMG I'm going to rant and rave at him' because he never spends money we don't have. OTOH I do roll me eyes when he justifies something he really wants (usually a gadget) as something he needs (nope).

He's the other way though. 'There's a designer shoe sale on Brand Alley, you might fancy taking a look'.

When we had less, we spent less. We probably had more debate over what was more important - stuff / house / experiences - but neither of us have ever spent money we don't have and we're both on board with things like not taking on debt unless it makes absolute sense and prioritising paying it off.

We each pay bills proportional to our income. Our accounts are separate and one pays a lot more on bills than the other, but it works out. I would hate having someone else knowing what I spend every penny on, even my husband!

We used to earn similar amounts but I'm now part time after returning from mat leave and DH has been promoted earning x4 more than me. I can honestly say I don't think about it. Everything gets paid into and out of a joint account.

I tend to handle finances so I see what we can save each month and what's left over to spend. Me being part time and working around DHs days off means we can get away without formal child care which saves us a lot of money each month too. We're a team and we contribute equally to the team in different ways.

We pay bills from our Joint account
Personal spend of £100 each
After paying mortgage, childcare fees and transport we have little disposable income.

"Spends" may appear childish to someone who does not have to budget but it works for us.

All money here is joint and has been for 30+yrs

Both salaries go into joint account, all bills go out of same account, what's left is available to us both.

We discuss large purchases to weigh up value for money and that's it really.

We have a joint account, joint credit cards and joint savings. We use You Need a Budget.

He earns vastly more than I do but it's all "our money"

We share all our money but don't have a joint bank account.

It definitely helps that our lifestyle matches our income levels - I feel like problems would arise if one of you wanted a lifestyle better than you could afford or if one of you was insistent on saving so much that your lifestyle wasn't what you'd expect from your income level.

Completely joint money, one account. Makes life very easy.

We pay everything in to the joint account - DH earns a bit more than I do but the child maintenance and child benefit also goes in there so roughly equal.

We both take out an equal amount to our own bank accounts. If we didn't then I probably wouldn't spend on myself as I'd view it all as "joint" money so it means I am
more likely to spend on myself this way.

Buggers I guess because you are both on the same wavelength it works. If I was the high earner & partner was frivolous I think it would cause rows, maybe that's why separate works for us.

We also have individual accounts (and a business account) for admin purposes and ease of doing tax returns. But we both have access to all the accounts on internet banking.

All into one pot. Mortgage, bills, food, kids etc comes out of that.

£X amount each for ourselves. So if I want to blow £150 on a handbag, I don't have to tell/ask/explain.

Leftovers into a joint savings account.

He earns around ten times what I do. We are not married.

Do any of the high earning women on this thread ever judge what their partners spend money on?

I'm the low earning spouse and I judge what my DH spends money on! He is a spender, and I'm a saver. The only reason we have retirement savings is because I force the issue. At times, I've felt like I live with an 11 year old who gets to use the credit card.

Just being honest -- although most the posts on here back it sound easy and straight forward, I doubt we are the only couple that need to discuss how to allocate resources to both enjoy life and yet plan for the future.

coyote Don't worry I do the same, he loves his gadgets & alcohol.

Salary wise my DH earns about £14'000 than me.

Take home monthly pay he brings in maybe about £700ish more than me.

Once our monthly wages have gone into the account we each take out £400 for personal spending money and then the money that is left in the joint account is used for every payment/bill of any kind.

DH does earn ten times more than me op. He earned less than me when we met but had better prospects. So I have experienced this. We kept separate accounts and until ds was born paid even Stevens. My house when we first married but we bought one in joint names before starting a family. My equity meant we could do that and I could become a SAHM earning zero which I did for 8 years.

DH's income increased year on year because we were a team and I supported him all the way. He worked long and gruelling hours outside the home and I shouldered everything at home.

We have similar spending habits. I used to buy what the family needed, food, haircuts, shoes, towels, and put the bills in a box with a running total and He'd write me a cheque. If we were having a party or at Christmas I might have said "it will cost x so can I have a cheque please."

I think problems arise when attitudes to money differ or tastes are out of sync with income. Nobody with beer money nd champagne tastes is likely to be happy whatever they earn.

I be have a good professional wage. I pay the running costs for my car, I treat the DC although That's ending, I pay the cleaner and buy things for the garden and towels, bedding, have a sofa recovered but the rest is mine. DH still gives me a cheque for food every month. He pays everything else and that used to be a big bill when the DC were at school.