To ask if you and your DP/H earn hugely differing salaries, how you manage money?

[RedHareWithBlondeHair]

My partner and I earn very different salaries. Currently this isn't an issue as we pay/spend relative to our earnings but I wonder about the future because we talk about certain big purchases/spends that one of us will only be able to contribute something like 10% to, if that, leaving the other to pick up the 90%. It's not an issue at the moment but I do see it becoming one.

Splendid - it's not "his" money though. If either of us saw it like that, do you think I could have been a SAHM for 12 years?

We didn't - he had an issue with it and made my life hell because I earn more so I left the bastard and am now happy with a man who is richer than me. And it doesn't bother me - I love it.

My husband earns a lot more than me. He's a doctor, I'm a teacher..big difference in salary. We have our own accounts but then we have a joint account also that we each deposit an amount into through direct debit (he desposits more). From this joint account we pay for things like groceries, lunches, dinners, bills etc. Things that relate to both of us. Then things like my online shopping habit comes out of my own current account! My husband generally pays for the majority of big expenses like holidays etc but I pay a fair whack too. Every couple is different though, you'll find what works for you!

"Splendid - it's not "his" money though. If either of us saw it like that, do you think I could have been a SAHM for 12 years?"

Sorry Lulu I dont understand your question?

Im saying he earns the money, you both have spending money that comes out of that. You're saying that then if you spent through your spending money (allocated out of his salary), you would be annoyed to see him spending his. I dont get that.

Dp is a higher rate tax payer, I am minimum wage. We share everything. Joint names on everything- bank accounts,mortgage etc. We used to earn the same.

Never have much left over to spend on ourselves but if we did I'd just spend what I liked. No need to ask or anything. It's a joint account. We trust each other as we're sensible with what we have. Has worked for 25 years.

I can't be doing with his and her money, once we were a couple it was all one pot.
It must be hard if you are a sahp and it isn't managed like that.
I'd have hated to have to have asked for money, or worse been given an allowance.
I manage all the money, but talk to dh about any issues, mention if there is a large purchase.
Other than that he leaves me to it.

There was a time when me and DH earned a good £10,000 difference but we put the same amount of money into the joint and we contributed equally for things. He never spent money (nights out, clothes) whereas I had stuff that men don't generally worry about (make up, hairdressers, nails - the things men 'expect' and expect you to fork out) so consequently I always had far les spending money than him. BUT he saved.

Later on when DC2 was due, I went part time. We worked out that because I was working 3/5 of my full time, my contribution to the joint would also be 3/5 of the original amount that went into the joint.

Everything to do with family stuff comes out of the joint - even soft play! They are his kids too. But I will say that DH's pay is considerably more than what it was so the difference in salary is £41,000! But he has paid for ALL extensions to the house plus holidays and day trips and he takes on some of the house debt from the building work.

splendid your comment about single women doesn't account for the fact that most of the women on here are earning less because they are doing the lions share of the work to raise a family and run a home. It also doesn't account for differences in salary. Poster A says their OH earns double and poster B says their OH earns triple. Doesn't really mean much when poster A could be on £35k a year with their OH on £70k, both working FT with enormous childcare costs while poster B makes £15k a year on a PT basis where they work around their OH who earns £45k a year. A single female making £30k a year is better off than both families as they don't have the same overheads.

Splendid - I suppose we don't really track each other's spending month to month. Maybe I spend more day to day, but then he's just had two expensive trips overseas for his hobbies in the last month, for instance. I don't feel the need to "match" that as such. As long as we trust each other not to go overboard all the time, it's fine.

Lula - but presumably that only works because you both have enough to spend pretty much what you want?

If you only had enough for half of each of your discretionary spends so you couldn't have the things you wanted it might become more important to allow the same amount for each person?

but how do you decide that him buying beer should come out of personal spends? We spoke about all our normal spending and decided.

Honestly if either of us really wanted to spend over, we would. But we aren't millionaires so we have to think about it if we overspend anyway. Whether it was a joint account or personal spends. Surely everyone thinks, "that's a bit over for this month, I should wait" sometimes...

Etymology - yes I can see that. I still think we would just keep everything joint and just spend less though - as we did in the past tbh.

DH earns more than twice what I do, but we have never had a joint account and frankly I wouldn't want to, we both enjoy financial independence but know that we will help each other out if we need to. He covers the mortgage and bills, I cover the grocery/clothes/essentials shopping and if there are large household purchases or holidays that I can afford I cover those too.

It’s just our money, regardless of who earns what. I don’t see how it could be any other when you are married especially when you have children.
I do have a separate account but that’s just because my wages have always gone in there, but I put the majority straight into the joint account on a standing order. I try to leave £500-£1000 in there to cover a few proffesional standing orders and presents for DH plus hide the odd treat purchase!
But if account starts to fill I dump straight into joint account.
DH gets paid into joint account.

Joint account for all joint / household expenditure. An equal amount of individual money each per month.

It works really well for us - we're an equal team albeit we both contribute to the family in different ways, so equal money & all expenditure being joint works well for us.

One pot from the time we were married more or less (took about a year to merge bank accounts). We have had me earning more and him earning more and it was the same for each.

All accounts are joint but my salary goes into one and his into another which gives us both a bit of privacy, I suppose - although we each see the statements if we wanted to.

We don't do the equal spends thing either. It all works out evenly in the end. DH did an expensive course for his hobby last month. I wouldn't then expect him not to buy anything for the rest of the month unless we couldn't afford it. Equally, I might spend a lot going back home for a reunion or a friends birthday - he wouldn't expect me to not go out for lunch for the rest of the month if we could afford it. If we couldn't, then neither of us would do it.

When we were saving for house deposit etc or when we had huge childcare costs, we both cut back to the bone. Now things are a lot easier (and mostly earned by DH) we still prioritise savings but I tend to manage that.

Have always done it the same and will continue to do so when I’m on mat leave and on SMP. All our money goes into a joint account. We allocate X amount to savings and each get spending money into personal accounts (£150 for DH, £170 for me - he insists I have more to cover the ‘female tax’ as a lot of my things are more expensive!) and the rest stays in the joint account to cover every day spending.

Our personal money covers things like expensive make up, hobbies, video games, lunches out with work friends etc. It means DH can spend £50 on a video game or I can spend £60 on moisturiser without feeling guilty! And we can buy each other presents without the other seeing it on the bank statement.

Joint accounts for everything. DH earns about 10x what I do now, but I used to earn about 1.5x more than him before DD came along.
We have pooled money ever since we first got a mortgage together. And I was the main applicant sniff Family money is family money - every penny of my bonuses and redundancy went in the family pot, same with him now.

Since having DC I've gone PT & left my career (my choice as I knew he wouldn't be an arsehole) he earns 5x what I do. He pays 80% maybe of our bills? I pay the rest and if I don't have enough money at the end of the month/ I want to make a big purchase or whatever I ask him for money. We don't have joint accounts apart from the "bills account" as I want to have my own money. Realistically I rarely ask for extra money but if I do it's sent to me immediately and I don't ever have to beg/explain myself.

He's a pretty good guy overall. Friday he sent me £75 and told me he'd be home from work early and that he'd booked me into the beauticians to have my nails & brows done. He knows I would've just waited til payday.

We used to have a joint account, but after nearly 25 years we don't bother any more: we are so used to trusting each other about money, knowing how much we can afford to spend and thinking of it all as joint anyway that we have separate accounts for our salaries. He pays bills, I pay holidays and ds' allowance; other expenses whoever happens to be nearest to their card pays for. If one person was low in funds the other would pay. It's very relaxed.

All money and savings are joint. Both are salaries are paid into the joint account. This account pays for everything relating to the home and family costs, savings and a generous equal amount to our personal accounts to spend as we wish. This avoids me moaning at DH for how much he spends on golf and him complaining about my handbag spending!

I earn a lot more than dp. It all goes into a joint account and we have equal access. It is definitely our money.

Join account for all household bills, food etc. Individual account for monthly personal spending, this is partly because I wouldnt want to buy DH's birthday/Christmas presents out of an account he had access to, as I wouldn't want it to ruin the surprise etc. Also, when I spend, I don't want to have to work out if I'm spending money that might be for food/am I spending twice as much as DH. Then everything that's left goes into joint savings. DH earns a lot more than me but this way it's fair, I have less to put into the savings pot as I pay 50 per cent of bills, but as the savings are shared, it's equal.

Or the same as parker231 who put it much more succinctly!

Used to get paid into separate accounts and we would both pool a set amount (enough to cover joint household bills and the dc) in joint account worked fine he earned more but mainly saved his money anyway for house deposit and extension. This worked for us for about 11 years. When I lost my job a couple of years ago first thing dh did was to change his pay to go direct into joint account as one of my worries was feeling I wasnt contributing. He was lovely about it reinforcing it was family money not just his.