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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my 'step' children are taking advantage

162 replies

Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:39

Dp has two adult kids and I have three. Whenever we go out for meals with his kids he pays when we go out with mine I make mine pay for themselves. His kids seem to just take take take, we recently went to a wedding for my family and he paid for their hotel room and for their drinks at the bar! I've always taught my children they should pay for themselves.

Honestly they hardly ever visit him and when they do he just spends loads of money on them. They also both have an odd sense of humour with him which I just don't understand.

Aibu to think he should be getting his kids to pay for themselves. It's pathetic that adults with jobs sponge off their fathers.

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 23/09/2017 22:40

I'm an adult l, with a job and my mum still pays for meals out sometimes... YABU... it's just a nice thing to do.

Fishface77 · 23/09/2017 22:41

IS it your money though op?
Really you should forgive and pity him. His DC don't really care about him if he has to buy their affection and pay for them do they?

stella23 · 23/09/2017 22:41

If he wants to treat his children he can, if you don't want to don't.

My dad would pay for a meal out for Us, I wound never expect it but I would. Just like I would like to treat my children one day

FenceSitter01 · 23/09/2017 22:41

Aren't you a joy to behold.

TheSnowFairy · 23/09/2017 22:42

YABU. He's their dad and if he wants to pay for them, that's a nice thing to do.

Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:43

Why does it matter if it's my money?

My kids have been moaning because we all went out for a meal before the wedding and he paid for his kids but I wouldn't pay for mine.

OP posts:
Cornettoninja · 23/09/2017 22:43

It's pathetic to invest so much energy in bunching your knickers up your arse over a perfectly normal scenario.

It's weirder to never treat your kids however old if you're able. Life lessons in budgeting hardly scream normal either tbh.

Or maybe you do treat them, once they've filled their scorecards Hmm

Beamur · 23/09/2017 22:44

Different values, doesn't mean your DP is wrong or his step kids are sponges. My DH's parents are like this, they try and pay for everything. They are very generous and I suspect their own parents were the same.
On the rare occasion I see my Dad, he will try and get me to pay for him!

NC4now · 23/09/2017 22:44

My mum never lets me pay when we go out for a meal. She likes to treat me. She's just paid for a hotel room for me for a family party too. She wants me there and knows it would be a stretch for me.
YABU.

CointreauVersial · 23/09/2017 22:45

Ummm....I'm 50, and my DDad still likes to treat me and my siblings. We're not "sponging" off him.

FenceSitter01 · 23/09/2017 22:45

The fact you're tighter than a ducks backside is the issue here. Your children a re moaning about you and your closed purse.

Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:45

I can't afford to treat my kids every time we go out for a meal.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 23/09/2017 22:45

My kids both work, and I always pay for their meals out. I enjoy treating them.

Mrsmadevans · 23/09/2017 22:45

He sounds lovely .
You are not coming across as a very likeable person op , you sound jealous and spiteful

Cornettoninja · 23/09/2017 22:46

'My kids have been moaning because we all went out for a meal before the wedding and he paid for his kids but I wouldn't pay for mine.'

You're approach has worked a treat then hasn't it?

SonicBoomBoom · 23/09/2017 22:46

we recently went to a wedding for my family and he paid for their hotel room and for their drinks at the bar!

They probably had absolutely no interest in going to the wedding of someone in your family, so if they'd had to pay for themselves, they just wouldn't have gone. So your DH paid.

It's actually quite normal for your DH to pay in these circumstances.

sashimiyummies · 23/09/2017 22:47

I think it's the norm for parents to treat their children. When my children are in their 40s I hope I will still be able to treat them. I think making them pay for themselves is unusual.

starving · 23/09/2017 22:47

When I go out with my dad he always insists on paying. He gets very annoyed if I try and beat him to it. I am working (as does my dh) and earn a good wage. My dad is retired on a pension and can afford it. He takes pleasure out of treating his family.

Cornettoninja · 23/09/2017 22:48

It doesn't have to be every time does it?

The fact your kids see it as having some value in comparison to another families set up should mean something to you about what they perceive your standards say about your views on them.

giggly · 23/09/2017 22:48

I'm 50 and my 82 year dad insists on buying my dinner when we go out. Nothing to do with sponging just fatherly love/treat.

KindleBueno · 23/09/2017 22:48

It's none of your business but I think everyone's families are different and I bet you'd be upset if you were labelled as mean and stingy.

FenceSitter01 · 23/09/2017 22:49

I can't afford to treat my kids every time we go out for a meal.

Ah now we come to the brass tacks. Financial inequality. It certainly isn't his childrens fault you have no money.

KityGlitr · 23/09/2017 22:50

And there's the crux sadly, pure jealousy that he can do for his kids what you can't for yours. They're not gonna love you any less OP just cos you don't have the finances to fund meals out.

RainbowPastel · 23/09/2017 22:50

He sounds lovely, you sound tight fisted.

My parents love to treat us.

DimpleDumpling · 23/09/2017 22:50

No one is saying you have to treat your kids every time you go out, but surely every now and then is the done thing?

I spend a lot of time with my MIL as she always insists on treating me and my children even if my husband isn't there. It's just a thing most parents like to do