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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my 'step' children are taking advantage

162 replies

Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:39

Dp has two adult kids and I have three. Whenever we go out for meals with his kids he pays when we go out with mine I make mine pay for themselves. His kids seem to just take take take, we recently went to a wedding for my family and he paid for their hotel room and for their drinks at the bar! I've always taught my children they should pay for themselves.

Honestly they hardly ever visit him and when they do he just spends loads of money on them. They also both have an odd sense of humour with him which I just don't understand.

Aibu to think he should be getting his kids to pay for themselves. It's pathetic that adults with jobs sponge off their fathers.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/09/2017 22:50

To be quite frank OP, if your 'children' moaned that you didn't pay for them then that's something you should be addressing with them - hard. They're adults and presumably as you've brought them up to pay for themselves, they should be doing this naturally now. Why are they looking at what your partner is doing with his own children? What business is it of theirs?

Are your partner's children actually your step-children or are they just your partner's children who you have some sort of relationship by dint of his with you? Have you actually had any hand in their upbringing?

FuzzyOwl · 23/09/2017 22:50

I think what he does it perfectly normal.

FenceSitter01 · 23/09/2017 22:51

They also both have an odd sense of humour with him which I just don't understand.

They have 'in joke' which you aren't privy to? They have a relationship with their father and you're jealous. Very sad, Op, very bitter.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 23/09/2017 22:51

It's not his fault you're tight.

honeyroar · 23/09/2017 22:51

It's up to him, but it's not very nice that he treated his children better than yours - paying for them and not yours. If I'd have been him I'd have paid for all of them. Or would that have got him in trouble with you?

Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:52

kindle I feel like I am being labelled that way!

From what I can tell they have had a very privelidged upbringing. I was a single parent to 3 working long hours in a low paid job. I just think my DP makes it too easy for them and he's teaching them nothing.

OP posts:
LittleWitch · 23/09/2017 22:53

DS1 and DDiL both in good jobs on decent salaries, DS2 studying and working, DS2's girlfriend NQT - DH and I always pay, my mum always pays for me. That's the natural order of things IMO.

GhoulsFold · 23/09/2017 22:54

Not my mum, but my grandmother (who was more like a mum than my actual mum) always treated me, from little gifts to meals, well into my adulthood before she died. She would never hear of taking money or making me pay my half. If I tried to pay my own way she'd get upset and pissed off with me.

I certainly wasn't a sponger, she just enjoyed looking after me and treating me. I used to think she was daft, but then I had my own child and absolutely love treating him. I've no doubt that will continue into his adulthood.

My in-laws are the same. They regularly treat DH and I.

I genuinely don't get what your issue is OP. Personally I think you come across as a bit of a Scrooge

Taylor22 · 23/09/2017 22:54

You need to teach your children that they aren't entitled to everything just because someone else gets it.

If you can afford it then that not SC problem.

If you're not happy with the financial situation in your marriage then tackle that.
But do not make it sound like SC are in the wrong.
They're not.
I'm 26. I own a house. I'm married and have 2 children. I don't think I've ever spent a penny in my Dads presence. He just doesn't let it happen.

Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:54

fence no they are very sarcastic and often make fun of him.

OP posts:
TheHungryDonkey · 23/09/2017 22:55

Wow. I'm a single parent too and I hope when my kids are adults I will be able to treat them and their families. That's just family and kindness. Not life lessons.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/09/2017 22:55

Op how old are they all? Do they all work?
It doesn't make you tight not to have money to throw around treating adults who can pay for themselves but if he can afford it, then that's also ok.

Do you live together? Do you pay halves on everything and feel the inequality?

PerfectPenquins · 23/09/2017 22:56

Sounds like your bitter you cant treat your kids. That is understandable but its not your DP problem and its certainly none of your business.
Its not pathetic and its not sponging Hmm Do you even like his children? If you dont like the set up then dont go to these meals out. Do you pay for yourself or does your DP pay for you?

Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:56

I do treat my kids on special occasions! My youngest and his girlfriend live with us rent free. I'm not a Scrooge. I just think my dh should not be paying for EVERYTHING.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:57

Sorry I keep saying DH. He's not my H yet.

OP posts:
FenceSitter01 · 23/09/2017 22:57

I think you're jealous he had a life before you. I think your jealous of his relationship with the. I also think you see your DH as the goose that laid the golden egg. I also think you are worried what you see as your inheritance might get spent.

KindleBueno · 23/09/2017 22:57

Yes and you're annoyed about it because people are judging when they have no business to. If it's your kids that are saying that, then that's your issue for raising kids with no manners or realisation of your financial situation. His kids shouldn't be penalised for that or someone else's jealousy.

FenceSitter01 · 23/09/2017 22:59

The thread that keeps giving. So you boyfriend treats his children. He's not your husband.

I'm afraid you are coming across as the
archetypal evil step mother who will do everything to isolate out the first family

Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 22:59

Mine are 28, 26 and 20. His are 24 and 22. Everyone works.

We live together and he pays for a lot more because he earns a lot more. He also has much more expensive taste than I do.

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 23/09/2017 22:59

My youngest and his girlfriend live with us rent free.

And now you're a hypocrite.

Do any of those meals out equate to the hundreds of ££ you're little darling is being handed?

Original poster
Ohsitdowndear · 23/09/2017 23:00

Hes not my boyfriend. We have been together five years and live together. Next year we are getting married.

OP posts:
PerfectPenquins · 23/09/2017 23:00

So your youngest and his gf are sponging of you then just in a different way by not paying rent. What a hypocrite your being.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/09/2017 23:00

If your partner pays for YOU and his children but not your children at a meal out then that would be a bit off. Does he pay for you, OP or do you pay for yourself?

Your relationship doesn't sound very close, I mean - your partner's relationship with your children. He's obviously very close to his children - are you?

pallisers · 23/09/2017 23:00

If your adult kids complain tell them straight you can't afford to treat them the way your partner can afford to treat his own children.

Other than that it really is none of your business what he does with his adult children or even how he reared them. They aren't yours. I bet you wouldn't like it if he started telling you that you should treat your children to dinner and that they don't respect you because they complain.

If you don't respect him because of how he reared his children, move on. Otherwise stay out of it.

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2017 23:01

Do his children live rent-free somewhere?

You are clearly in a different place financially and now it's bothering you.

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