To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

FGS just chill out

You are over-reacting completely.

Is she an alcoholic?

Surely anyone can not drink for a few months when the potential damage is so great

Should I just chill out?

Yes

because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell)

Whut?

I wouldn't be happy either but there isn't much you can do as it's her body whether or not your child is in it. You don't actually say how much alcohol is in the "one drink" but if it is just one unit I don't think it will do any harm.

What would you guys do in this situation?

Talk about it in RL with your wife.

Surprised at the replies so far! I think having that much alcohol in pregnancy is wrong and unnecessary. Every other day? She clearly has a problem, that poor baby, I've never understood people drinking or smoking or doing drugs in pregnancy, they are all bad and it's only 9 months just don't do it!

Sparklingbrook it's a conversation we have done to death.

The research is mixed. Some research showed that low levels of drinking were linked to better outcomes than teetotal mother's outcomes and those of their child. This is correlation so obviously that is likely to be because people may have health or addiction reasons for being teetotal that affect outcomes. But the fact remains that one drink every two days will not lead to FASD. Now I wouldn't! But that is to put your mind more at rest because, and this is important...

You don't get to tell her what to do. You just don't. Don't do it. Really don't. It's her body. If you want to not drink during pregnancy, don't drink during pregnancy. But don't tell her what to do.

I agree with the posters that have said it's bad she's drinking. I'm a female with a male DP but if the situation were reversed I wouldn't be happy with my partner drinking. It's 9 months fgs

Sorry that should have said it's only 9 months

One very other day is 4 drinks a week. I'm sorry you are upset op but that actually is fine. The thing to do is check the volume of the glass and work out how many standard drinks it is and maybe nicely ask your wife to keep to just over 1 standard drink. I think a standard drink is 10 units so if wine is 12% then 100 ml is just over one standard drink. It feels a bit often to have more than one standard drink.

In terms of what to do, there's not really a lot you can do if you've already talked about it to death

When I was pregnant (before it was decreed that women can't possibly make sensible decisions and so it was changed to zero) the guidance was it was ok to have 1 or 2 units once or twice a week. So she is drinking more than that. However even drinking at the level she is doesn't mean the baby will come to harm even alcoholics who drink heavily can have babies with no health problems.

By all means speak to her and explain that you are concerned she's going above even previously advised "safe" limits but if you keep going on at her it's probably just going to piss her off and she'll keep doing it.

In the meantime if it's such a big deal to you, if you haven't already, you could offer support by going teetotal too? It's only for a few months after all.

Sparklingbrook it's a conversation we have done to death

Then there's nothing else you can do.

Your dp is not putting the baby at risk...there's no evidence (unless I've missed it!) that one drink a day will do any harm.

Meant to say every other day

So you're saying she has 3 or 4 drinks a week. That's not so terrible, can you find any studies which show that this could cause a problem? Because the most recent studies I've heard of suggest that very light alcohol use is less likely to be a problem than being teetotal.
You should be more concerned about pollution levels and use of pesticides.

Sorry I had thought it was every day. Every other day, as long as it is one unit, is still only 3/4 units a week and as far as I am aware massively unlikely to do any harm.

As others have said it's her body not yours and you can't tell her what to do. Maybe stop nagging her and as I said above go teetotal too and she might stop.

Unfortunately it is her choice, you cant physically stop her. One unit every other day is very unlikely to harm the baby so i would just try not to fret over what you cant control.

Just wondering if you have also given everything up that pregnant women are advised to give up? I know you're not the pregnant one but I'm curious!

Here you go op! You should probably apologise to your partner if you have 'talked this to death' and absolutely not be drinking any more than she is. Or I'd as your partner be pretty pissed off - If you feel so strongly about it you should be setting the example/ sharing the restriction. uk.businessinsider.com/pregnant-mothers-can-drink-4-or-less-units-of-alcohol-a-week-without-harming-unborn-baby-2017-9

Of course I have given up alcohol. I would be a massive hypocrite if I was still knocking the drinks back!!

Well, there is nothing more to say tbh. Presumably she is a competent adult?