To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

Ha ha @Pengggwn we finally agree on something!!!

pengggwn many many posters on MN are really judgmental about things that aren't harmful e.g. bottle feeding vs breastfeeding. Then when someone comes on to say they don't think alcohol is a good idea when pregnant people on MN are saying it's fine. I just think the opinions on here are a bit bizarre sometimes. Bottle milk vs alcohol in womb/alcohol in breastmilk. I know which one is better for the baby.

I cannot believe some of the comments on here. Alcohol is dangerous to the foetus, ALWAYS! When alcohol is consumed, it is absorbed into the bloodstream through the digestive tract, and acetaldehyde is formed mainly by the oxidation of alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH) can be found in a foetal liver from the middle of the third month of pregnancy, and its activity will slightly linear increase; nonetheless, a foetus has almost no capacity to break down alcohol. In addition, a low molecular weight alcohol passes swiftly through the placenta and harms a developing foetus. Fifty percent of the alcohol crossing the placenta enters the bloodstream of the foetus, and the remaining 50% enters the circulatory system via the foetal liver. While alcohol remains in the bloodstream, the foetus, so to speak, continues being forced to consume alcohol by the mother. That is not good in any dose. So for those who say "it's her body, don't tell her what to do" you are completely wrong!

Uh no we are NOT wrong. It is her body and 100% her choice.

That is not a debatable principle - That is her right and should always be her right. Otherwise it is a slippery slope to all kinds of horrors.

I know which one is better for the baby.

Do you? Because I don't. Bottle feeding in the majority world is probably worse that small amounts of alcohol in pregnancy. In the developed world, large amounts of alcohol? I would say the alcohol is worse.

But you would actually need numbers. Including incorrectly prepared formula that causes death in infants, increased gastrointestinal bugs, higher obesity in adulthood leading to more heart disease and cancer... it would be an interesting exercise in statistics. One I suspect you haven't done.

Otherwise it is a slippery slope to all kinds of horrors.

What, like Social Services taking the baby away if you drunk like a fish during pregnancy and gave it FAS?

You can't do "whatever you want" during pregnancy with no consequences, in many countries the state will get involved because it's child abuse.

It's not JUST HER BODY! This is why you are wrong...it's the foetus' body too.

I think it is child abuse to drink so much that the child ends up with FAS.

It's always dangerous because the foetus' liver is not formed and cannot process alcohol...there's always an element of risk it can cause serious harm. Just because some mothers have luck on their side and don't harm their unborn, doesn't mean there's no danger.

Threads like this could forever go back and forth about which research is the most accurate and upto date, but the fact is it is inconclusive as to exactly how much alcohol is harmful to an unborn baby.

IMHO it is totally unforgivable and abhorrent for any parent to put their own child's health at potential risk just so they can enjoy a particular drink. I can't think of many things so egocentric, selfish and totally unnecessary.

Well it does have a right to not be aborted after 24 weeks UNLESS it's heavily disabled and will have a shit quality of life, or the mum's health is in danger. Which IS a right, whichever way you look at it.

And if the mum drinks heavily in pregnancy, the state deems her not fit enough to look after the baby.

Yes I think the foetus should have a right to grow up without being exposed to alcohol. You can't really implement it though - even if they banned selling alcohol to pregnant people, they'd find a way to access it anyway like under-18s do.

Furthermore to the abortion rights (way off topic, so I'll keep it brief). A healthy foetus could be aborted beyond 24 weeks legally. There needs to be medical evidence to support the decision (around maternal wellbeing or the like), and it's no light undertaking, but it's perfectly legal because until born a foetus doesn't have rights. The 24 week limit has nothing to do with foetal rights kicking in.

You may not agree with that stance but that is the legality of it.

Legal and moral are not always the same thing, you would be a fool to conflate the two and extend that to others.

It's alright, I'm agreeing with you but not explaining myself very well. 😂

Don't blame her op you sound incredibly hard work and annoying.