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To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

498 replies

coldair · 23/09/2017 14:48

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

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LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 23/09/2017 17:30

@aintnothinbutagstring

You hilariously couldn't be more wrong. Grin

I ride fucking motorbikes.

And you are deliberately missing my point (because you cant answer it?)..it's just as risky to drive a car, or dye your hair, or use certain cleaning products, as it is to have a couple le of drīnks.

So what makes your risk taking better than anyone elses???

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KrytensNanobots · 23/09/2017 17:34

This thread is absolutely bonkers. People really think it's fine to drink every other day when pregnant?
This coming from someone who's been pregnant twice and definitely also likes a drink or three.
It's 9 months. Only 9 months. If you really can't give up for 9 months knowing the jury's out on whether it's healthy for the baby or not, you really need to look at why that is.
One small glass of wine once a fortnight/month or something, not as likely to harm.
Every other day though? I don't know why you'd do that knowing the risks, and I say this as someone who thinks your body's your own and it should be your choice etc.
If you're growing a new life inside you though it's suddenly not just your body any more as you're having to share it and the other occupant doesn't get a say in whether it has to put up with potentially harmful cigarette smoke or alcohol.

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geneveve · 23/09/2017 17:34

I can't believe how many people think it's OK to drink during pregnancy. It's just 9 months. I personally think it's a little selfish.

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mumofone234 · 23/09/2017 17:35

Actually, I didn't clean with chemicals - sorry to burst your bubble. Nor did I ride a horse or eat shellfish or blue cheese. As for getting in a car, yes I did, to go to work - because getting on a bus, train, tram or walking also carries risks. Just leaving the house carries risks but is a necessary part of life. To me, drinking alcohol on a regular basis (which is what we're talking about here) wasn't a necessary risk.

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mumofone234 · 23/09/2017 17:36

Lana I didn't dye my hair either, if you want to add that to your list Grin.

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BakedBeans47 · 23/09/2017 17:39

Gosh mumofone234 weren't you just the archetypal perfect pregnant woman! Grin

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Rachie1973 · 23/09/2017 17:39

LOL if you took some of this advice and started approaching my GP or midwife behind my back I'd ensure NO medical personnel would ever share my private medical data with you ever again!

I'm not really a big drinker, but really, the over dramatic, hair pulling 'woe is that child' attitude of some posters is so sad.

Her body.... regardless of her child.... still her body..... her choice.

Why does it ever seem ok to people to try to remove that right because she's pregnant??

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Pengggwn · 23/09/2017 17:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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SureJan · 23/09/2017 17:41

YANBU OP, I'm so surprised at some of the responses you've had (I thought drinking whilst pregnant would be a big MN no-no).
Why are pregnant women told not to drink if it's fine & there's no risk?!

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geneveve · 23/09/2017 17:41

Her body, her choice. People make stupid decisions every day.

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Rachie1973 · 23/09/2017 17:42

SureJan..... because we're not clever enough to be able to stop after one.

Pregnant women can't be trusted to make intelligent decisions for themselves.

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mumofone234 · 23/09/2017 17:43

It's not just her body anymore... I know that's not a popular view, but it's a fact. It's only nine months!

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MrsTerryPratchett · 23/09/2017 17:43

I work a LOT with people with FASD. A lot. And none of their mothers were drinking a small glass of wine 3-4 times a week.

I also think we have become extremely risk averse to the detriment of our children. I regularly get 'looks' and comments because DD is hanging upside down from the top of the biggest climbing structure she can find. What do the 'how can you take the tiniest risk to your child' brigade deal with assessing acceptable and beneficial levels of risk? Because they clearly can't in pregnancy.

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Pengggwn · 23/09/2017 17:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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mumofone234 · 23/09/2017 17:46

Absolutely - that's also a fact. I'm not trying to say that this should be set out in law, or anything like that (that would be crazy).

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BakedBeans47 · 23/09/2017 17:46

It's not just her body anymore... I know that's not a popular view, but it's a fact. It's only nine months!**

A pregnant woman is not just an incubator. She's still entitled to live her own life.

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Pengggwn · 23/09/2017 17:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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mumofone234 · 23/09/2017 17:49

BakedBeans Of course she is, but when did drinking become such an important and necessary part of everyone's lives? I'm pretty sure people can have a decent life for nine months without drinking. If not, that's a bit sad.

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alltoomuchrightnow · 23/09/2017 17:49

yanbu
What's the point of taking even the slightest risk, is it really worth it?

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xotyl · 23/09/2017 17:49

When you drink alcohol in pregnancy, it crosses the placenta and the alcohol levels in your baby’s blood rise as high as your own.

An unborn baby’s liver can’t break down alcohol as fast as yours because it’s immature, which means the baby is exposed to greater levels of alcohol than you, and for longer.

Once you know this how, just how could you drink?

Surely this is the easiest risk of them all to avoid.

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Pengggwn · 23/09/2017 17:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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mumofone234 · 23/09/2017 17:50

Pengggwn I didn't agree that it's just her body (it's not) - I agreed that the baby doesn't have any legal rights.

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Idratherhaveacupoftea · 23/09/2017 17:51

I'm glad I had mine in the 70s when we were thought old enough not to be told what we could and couldn't eat or drink. We had no restrictions at all on food and we all had the odd drink without being made to think we were damaging our babies.

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LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 23/09/2017 17:51

Good for you mumofone.

I'm so glad you have come to terms with your risk taking.

Everytime you got in a car you voluntarily put your child as much at risk as someone did with a couple ple of glasses or wine.

See how we all justify similar dangers to ourselves??

Listen to the very clever MrsTerryPratchett who has lots of experience.....

I work a LOT with people with FASD. A lot. And none of their mothers were drinking a small glass of wine 3-4 times a week.

I also think we have become extremely risk averse to the detriment of our children. I regularly get 'looks' and comments because DD is hanging upside down from the top of the biggest climbing structure she can find. What do the 'how can you take the tiniest risk to your child' brigade deal with assessing acceptable and beneficial levels of risk? Because they clearly can't in pregnancy.

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Pengggwn · 23/09/2017 17:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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