To be mad at my partner for drinking during pregnancy

[coldair]

Our second baby is due in a few months and all through pregnancy my wife has drank alcohol. Not a lot, but at least one alcoholic drink every other day. A glass of wine or a beer - we aren't talking tequila shots.
I feel so strongly against it. I really do not understand why any parent would take any risks that could harm their baby or child.
She says I am over reacting and that one drink a day is fine - I've found many research papers that disagree with this.
For context, she did have the odd glass of wine with our 1st but we are talking maybe 4 glasses over 9months. But I think because he is fine (but as i have discovered probably too young to really tell) I think she feels
Like he's fine so I can push harder this time?!

What would you guys do in this situation?
Should I just chill out?

@Pengggwn Clearly no answer because there is no justification. You didn't consider it a risk despite knowing it could be. Guess you can't argue with stupid.

@Pengggwn of course anything can be a risk - but why take one when there is no need? Crossing a road is a risk but there's a need to get to the other side of the road. Having alcohol in pregnancy is a risk but there is absolutely no need to do it.

Yes @Pengggwn necessary risks for day to day living. Drinking alcohol was not necessary for my everyday life. I understand that for people with an addiction that may be the case but that is not what we are talking about. I didn't eat unpasteurised cheeses etc because there was a risk involved. Why add one more risk into the mix when it's not necessary. Perhaps someone could tell me what pleasure there is in one drink seeing as @Pengggwn refused to answer that question and I am genuinely curious. I understand the desire to go out and get plastered and have a bloody good night but clearly that's not what we're talking about with regards to drinking in pregnancy. What does someone get from one alcoholic drink that makes the risk worthwhile??

Ooops sorry about all the bold - not sure what happened there!!

There are various pieces of research to show that low consumption of alcohol has no detrimental effects to a foetus. There are obvious limitations to research in this particular area, plenty of ethical considerations and a lot of the evidence is drawn retrospectively.

When discussing foetal exposure to any substance (medication, alcohol, certain food substance, nicotine etc.) no absolutes can be given, there's no safe or ethical way to research this.

It's the reason why the guidelines given differ between nations.

In the big scheme of things pregnant women often undertake riskier (probability wise) behaviours/exposures on a more frequent basis yet this is the one that is demonised.

Having the read a lot of research myself, a small glass 3 or 4 times a week seems fine.

Back to the ridiculous again eh @Pengggwn ? This is like having the vegetarian debate with the 'but vegetables have feelings too' brigade! Why won't you answer the question? Clearly because the answer is 'because I want to'!!!

You clearly know you're in the wrong hence the ridiculous comparisons between crossing a road and drinking alcohol whilst pregnant. My baby came first. You clearly put yourself first.

Funnily enough though @Pengggwn I was never spoken to about crossing the road at midwife appointments but they did speak about the risks of alcohol consumption. I wonder if you think the odd cigarette is ok too?

They are not ridiculous comparisons just different examples of risk.

You could lump alcohol consumption in with hair dyeing, taking a warm bath, attending a nail salon, a million other activities that have a degree of exposure. Things that of course are avoidable, but do we really need to avoid? To what extent?

I'm not advocating undertaking whatever behaviour you fancy and to hell with the consequences (although we are all within our rights). But I think we should be able to make our own informed choices without the weight of others judgement because it isn't necessarily what they would choose.

Someone weighing up the evidence and making an informed decision is the very opposite of reckless.

@Pengggwn you took a lot more risks than I did. Perhaps it's because I had so many pregnancy losses that I couldn't be blasé about anything. My babies were too precious to put my own selfish desires before them. Did I fancy a glass of wine? Sometimes. Did I really want to choose the Brie at the work xmas meal. Yep. Did I do either of those things? No. My baby was too important to put 3 minutes of gluttonous pleasure before his wellbeing.

I actually agree - I think this is getting a bit heated now. We all have different views, obviously, but I don't think anyone thinks Pengggwn is a selfish monster for having the odd glass of wine.

All I am doing is questioning why people drink alcohol whilst pregnant despite knowing there could be risks. Babies are precious and pregnancy is short. Of course you can do what you like. I am merely expressing that I disagree with the choices some people make and I can fully understand why the op is concerned for her unborn baby. I explained my situation in my above post because I thought perhaps it would explain why I feel so strongly. If you could think of a nasty comment on the back of my situation then well...

Life is too short. Exactly.

IMO 1 small glass of wine 3 times per week (100 ml) or half a pint of beer probably fine.

However I'm really surprised that so many others on this thread think it's fine because in real life most people seem to abstain completely. I suspect it's because of the control issue rather than because anyone thinks it's actually ok!

Oh for goodness sake - this has been picked up by the Daily Mail - and they didn't even read far enough to see OP was female.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4918150/Is-wrong-nag-wife-drinking-pregnant.html