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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you do? Woman makes drinks

186 replies

Memyselfandiiiiii · 22/09/2017 14:24

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but this fills me with rage everyone and I don't know what to do about it.

In work meetings I'm often the only woman, but am equally well qualified as the male participants, albeit younger. So why is it that every single time the CEO says ' X will make the drinks, just tell her what you'd like '. Maybe I'm too easy to wind up but I feel absolutely raging every time. What would you do/say?

OP posts:
ethelfleda · 23/09/2017 08:58

YANBU - I would be furious! Do what someone else suggested and politely point out it is some else's turn!
I can't believe this still happens in 2017!!! What is wrong with people?!

pinkpantherpink · 23/09/2017 17:37

Can you speak to a colleague about this and get that colleague to offer to do the drinks instead, next time?

PinkTiger · 23/09/2017 17:51

Can you speak to a colleague about this and get that colleague to offer to do the drinks instead, next time?

What's wrong with politely and in private (not in a meeting) speaking to the CEO about it directly?

Covertly getting someone else to do it isn't addressing the problem. The problem is not getting out of it or side stepping the issue. The problem is the CEO is only asking one person and a junior woman to get the drinks. Even if it is because she's the most junior, it is not a good look.

I don't understand the problem with addressing it head on. It doesn't have to be a rude, shouty, confrontation.

pollymere · 23/09/2017 17:55

I'd say something like "I didn't know I was that good at it!" You might find its someone else's turn next time, or that they all sing your praises.

missiondecision · 23/09/2017 18:00

I think you need to find the courage and very politely speak to the CEO without an audience. Spell out the facts without emotion. You you are an adult, well respected enough to have been chosen over everyone else at interview.
I worked for a company that actually discouraged female employees from volunteering to do this kind of thing in the interests of equality. Maybe your CEO is unaware rather than a sexist idiot.

SabineUndine · 23/09/2017 18:09

A friend of mine was in this position and refused to do it. The boss held it against her but he was an arse hole anyway.

Achoopichu · 23/09/2017 18:18

In my meetings it's more that one of the women is thoughtful enough to care that others have travelled and might appreciate a drink. IME the men don't give a shit

FaveNumberIs2 · 23/09/2017 18:20

Try saying beforehand and privately, "sorry, I'm not employed as a tea girl, maybe you should employ a tea girl or get someone else to do this please."

It's not always a concious decision, but if it annoys you that much you need to say something. Compliance means he will just keep asking you.

Or if you want to do it non confontationally, make sure the meeting room table is loaded with hot water flasks, tea/coffee/sugar/milk beforehand, and invite everyone to help themselves.

Or you could be really bitchy and say, in the meeting, in front of everyone while pointing at your boobs, "these puppies were never mentioned on my CV as a qualifier for teasmaid. I'm higher up than john/peter/Kevin/whoever, how about he makes the tea?"

Mrstiggywink49 · 23/09/2017 18:44

Is the kettle a long way from the meeting room? Why can't the meeting pause for 15mins and everyone get their own drinks? I worked in a Public Library and we all got our own coffees etc when there was a short break. Likewise in school meetings you always get your own.

sashadasher · 23/09/2017 20:05

This use to happen to me all the time in my youth,it was a large coffee flask but for 'the men' in a meeting,always asked me no man same age found it very sexist.Next time I found the flask totally unwashed so I just made coffee straight on top of dirty mouldy old dregs Wink cos little old me can't make coffee you knowGrin...strange but never asked me again after that.Just make it rancid,till they get message is my advice

Aridane · 23/09/2017 20:41

Or you could be really bitchy and say, in the meeting, in front of everyone while pointing at your boobs, "these puppies were never mentioned on my CV as a qualifier for teasmaid. I'm higher up than john/peter/Kevin/whoever, how about he makes the tea?"

Welcome to the world of unemployment

mummaCL · 23/09/2017 21:51

Totally unacceptable in this day and age. Even in my younger days
(and we're talking 80's) No man would have had the bare-faced cheek to say something like that and get away with it!!!....And it still happens?

Runlovingmummy81 · 23/09/2017 21:58

Or just start making really bad tea... 😁 😂

Turquoise123 · 24/09/2017 07:50

Dese god this was what it was like when I started work 30 years back yes suggest someone else. But do you also need to think about a new job I wonder?

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 24/09/2017 07:50

I'd say I don't want one so I'm not making everyone else one!

babybarrister · 24/09/2017 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fekko · 24/09/2017 08:39

This has happened to me twice recently. The first time I was gobsmacked (it was the big boss) and the second I was about to write my resignation (but I had a migraine coming on so wasn't really on the ball). I am the oldest in the office!

Aridane · 24/09/2017 08:45

I genuinely cannot believe that some people think that rude comments in a meeting in front of clients or in a board meeting is the way forward. Just- as various posters have suggested- speak to CEO / meeting leader outside of the meeting

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 24/09/2017 08:57

put a wrist brace on and say you've hurt your wrist lol

Ttbb · 24/09/2017 09:04

Just put salt in his. Or call someone lower down to do it.

OliviaStabler · 24/09/2017 09:08

If they are board members, why aren't their assistants or PA's ensuring everyone has a drink before the meeting starts? That way no one's time is wasted in the meeting itself. I used to be a PA and this was part of my job. I'd go and get their lunch or breakfast if needed, organise catering if a long meeting over lunch etc.

Butterymuffin · 24/09/2017 09:14

Nothing betters witsender's suggestion on page 1. Pope also suggested a good script for bringing it up with the CEO outside the meeting. All the wisecracks may be amusing but will make OP look unprofessional and she's not in the wrong here so needs not to give anyone an excuse to say she is.

Re it being because she's the most junior, but she is still at the meeting to contribute her ideas, surely? The same as everyone else. So if everyone's there for the same purpose, it shouldn't be just one person making the drinks all the time, regardless of rank.

SusanTheGentle · 24/09/2017 09:27

Do people really think that this is only because OP is a woman rather than the most junior employee tho?

Yes, *babybarrister", because it's the sort of low level sexist shit that happens over and over and over and over and we've all had experience of it before.

Once, and it's just your turn to make tea. Twice, and it's coincidence. Multiple times to most women in the thread/office/working world is a pattern.

kastiekastie · 24/09/2017 10:05

if you're most junior position then it's possibly that, but I hate when this happens - I used to get asked in front of suppliers who I'd previously had to direct (but I was the lowest level staff member in the meeting) ... bit embarassing... I did nothing. Should have asked HR perhaps. If you're going to make it, yes make it badly for the guy who volunteers you.

awifeyforlifey · 24/09/2017 10:27

YADNBU. Even if it wasn't sexist, you shouldn't be volunteered Every. Single. Time.

There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'd rather not this week, I've done it so often." Say it with a smile and just wait it out. Eventually someone else will be voluntold.