What would you do? Woman makes drinks

[Memyselfandiiiiii]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but this fills me with rage everyone and I don't know what to do about it.

In work meetings I'm often the only woman, but am equally well qualified as the male participants, albeit younger. So why is it that every single time the CEO says ' X will make the drinks, just tell her what you'd like '. Maybe I'm too easy to wind up but I feel absolutely raging every time. What would you do/say?

I was told by a woman more senior than me never, ever to make the drinks - if you are young then it diminshes your status, and if you are older you get classed as mummy.

Tell him before the meeting that you won't be making the drinks any more, if you think he's the kind of person that will hear you out.

It's tricky as you are also the most junior person there.

That's a disgrace. I've worked for fairly sexist CEO's but they generally went the other way and insisted on serving me in a way that was "looking after" me. I didn't mind that. But equally I'm often first up asking all in the room if I can pour them a cuppa. I find it's a good icebreaker and a way of cementing names in my head

When I last worked in an office (design agency), if it was a client meeting, the reception team would organise a tray with mineral water, tea and coffee, or sandwiches and fruit if it was lunch time. The account person pre-arranged it with reception. For internal meetings, you brought your own mug, pre-filled.

I was told by a woman more senior than me never, ever to make the drinks - if you are young then it diminshes your status, and if you are older you get classed as mummy.

I would agree with this. I also think there is a difference between the most junior man being asked to make the coffee and the only woman in the room being asked to make the coffee. In one case it emphasises that he is junior. In the other, many men in the room will add that to their preconceptions that women are in lesser/admin roles.

Drop boiling hot coffee in his lap, I did that once, genuinely by accident, never asked to get drinks again.

I was told by a woman more senior than me never, ever to make the drinks

I think this is just churlish to be honest.

If there is a group need for tea or coffee, but unless your firm has catering or someone paid to make tea/ coffee for meetings, someone has got to make it and its more efficient for one person to do it. It is a drag but nice people don't object to helping others from time to time!

The fairest way is to share it out and if all women say "I'm not making drinks EVER because I am a woman and it diminishes my status." then that becomes equally unfair on men. Why should any one person or group be stuck with a boring chore? It's not right for a young woman to be always asked but equally it's not really nice or in a group spirit to always refused.

FWIW the most high powered woman I know (famous) in meetings is always the one to be drink pourer/mother* (this obviously isn't making it from scratch but dealing with delivered teapot/cafetiere) but actually it comes across as utterly unpompous and generous spirited. No one would look at her and say you are diminished by this - but then she does it on her own account not because she's been asked to.

*sexist term noted

"Will definitely go with the old 'i made them last time and a frosty smile'"

Be careful. if something has got under your skin, it's hard to control the way you come across when you raise the issue. You may rehearse the words but your throat will tighten and you'll be nervous.... and you may be less effective than you'd like...

Ive had this before ....im a bit of a piss taker but usually find myself automatically sorting it out before asked unless i'm on a client site but I would always say, who wants to be my brew helper, if you all want a drink then someone better help me !!! otherwise you can all whistle :-)

I used to get told the photocopier was out of paper. With an expectant pause. (I was the marketing director, but just so happened to be the only lady in the entire building bar the one in charge of admin/supplies etc.)

I took to just smiling in a bewildered fashion and saying "oh dear, now that is annoying." If they pursued it I would suggest they tried the stationary cupboard. Only once did I need to point out that it was absolutely nothing to do with me.

Well, I'd say "Actually, I'm , not the dinner lady. Make your own drinks" or ask if their arms are purely decorative, but I am widely regarded as a sarky sort and don't do subtlety.

Exactly what I wouldn't do - v unprofessional if in a client facing meeting

Depending on who was in the meeting, I'd laugh and smile and say "oh, I think it's Bob's turn this time". If it was a meeting where that really wouldn't be appropriate, I'd have to bring it up outside the meeting.

If you are uncomfortable about raising it I would suggest a comic sigh followed by "of course, just this once mind, it is someone else's turn next time". With a smile, so it gets done but sowing the seed for 'you'd better not ask me next time'.

There's a context. I always ask the junior to make the drinks, it doesn't matter if they are male or female. If a woman turns round refusing to make them, only because she is a woman, it would not look good for her.

If you are management in a meeting with board members, I would pass the request on to someone else, whoever normally organises that sort of things in your office: could be the receptionist, the office admin. Who orders sandwiches or lunch usually?

If you are all equal, I agree with above: "i'ts xyz turn this time, I'll have a black coffee please".

I have a totally different approach - I ask if my vagina is the required equipment to serve drinks. That usually sorts it out.

I used to make the drinks to stop any nonsense like this at staff meetings at school.

Sometimes I'd get them ready before we started, sometimes just as we started.

I used to sort out drinks for visitors too.

I'd be raging if I was put in a similar situation repeatedly. My immediate colleagues would never put upon anyone but sometimes we had visiting Senior staff checking up on us.

However it's not just a male/female thing. I'd made a drink for the female deputy head. On drinking it and leaving she handed it to a female colleague with a unspoken and silent request 'to sort it out'

The sink was closer. This event wasn't forgotten!

Cp

For the sake of context I'm male and was usually the oldest there.

fufina - if you said that in a client meeting, I would hope you would be on your way to being fired

It is much more a male/female thing to be fair jcsp.

'Well, I'd say "Actually, I'm , not the dinner lady. Make your own drinks" or ask if their arms are purely decorative, but I am widely regarded as a sarky sort and don't do subtlety.'

You'd be regarded as the 'let go during probationary period' sort in many, many fields.

Ha! Depends on the client.

"What would you do/say?" I would talk to the CEO before the next meeting and say that having made the drinks for X number of weeks/months/years I felt it was someone else's turn.

I'd be polite but firm that this is a form of discrimination and make you feel under valued.

I would not mention anything in front of clients or refer to my vagina.

But I do like the idea of bringing my vagina into it!

You could always just turn up with your own drink and then it would be awkward for him to ask you. If he still did then you could have word afterwards. It's so depressing that this sort of thing still goes on however seeing how many of my friends treat their sons and daughters differently even in 2017 it sadly doesn't surprise me.

I am often the most senior at a meeting and I offer to make the drinks - much better than asking other people and imo gives a good impression.

Thinking about ti, that's often the case when I'm out at meetings too

Anyway, YANBU. You are not a skivvy and no one should volunteer anyone else as far as I'm concerned.