What would you do? Woman makes drinks

[Memyselfandiiiiii]

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but this fills me with rage everyone and I don't know what to do about it.

In work meetings I'm often the only woman, but am equally well qualified as the male participants, albeit younger. So why is it that every single time the CEO says ' X will make the drinks, just tell her what you'd like '. Maybe I'm too easy to wind up but I feel absolutely raging every time. What would you do/say?

Nobody here has said that anyone should put up and shut up.

If they are board members and you're management, then they are more senior than you even if they have the same grade. In my organisation senior board directors and senior managing directors have the same grade but the former earn 3-4 times more and have much higher profile roles. So yabu. You either need to suck it up, or insist that next time the meeting is catered.

Pope but when it's only the sole woman present who is expected to be "nice" and "help others", it becomes a problem.

*ArcheryAnnie

There's always one isn't there? Were you unable to read this bit:

It's not right for a young woman to be always asked but equally it's not really nice or in a group spirit to always refused.

*always refuse

No, I read it, Pope - but you seem to be unable to understand that there are gendered expectations at play.

You carry on serving the tea of you want to, and I will carry on advising women that they are not there just to serve the men.

And I'm fine, Pope with women not being considered "nice" when they refuse to be treated as skivvies.

In the case of old boss, I raised it quietly, while we were alone. In the case of the new boss, I raised it in a larger meeting, but merely pointed out that it was illegal. I was assertive, not aggressive. I did point out later, when we were alone, that the tools for the job were not penis-operated. We share a sense of humour, and humorously pointing out a problem seems to raise fewer hackles, IME.

I'd rather be assertive than passive-aggressively "make tea like dishwater" or summon a junior employee and perpetuate the problem. You don't raise yourself up by putting someone else down.

I think it's probably thoughtless sexism and the fact you're junior/younger. That however doesn't make it right. Neither does it call for rudeness, passive aggression or any unpleasant response.
When you say younger and management rather than board what specifically do you mean and what is your role at the meeting? I think that makes a difference.
If one of our business support team leaders attended a high level formal meeting to take notes I would expect them to make the coffees regardless of their sex.
If a senior manager attended to present a report and answer questions I wouldn't expect them to necessarily make the drinks.
How you deal with it depends on the situation. I'd be tempted to speak to CEO in private and tell them how you feel if you are a senior manager/executive level. If you're a note taker I'd grin and bear it and even preempt by offering to make drinks. That way you might impress and not be a note taker for too long.
I always make drinks for people I meet with, regardless of hierarchy, if I am hosting a meeting that isn't catered. I expect others including CEOs to make my coffee if they are hosting me. On the whole it's best not to be too churlish.

No, I read it, Pope - but you seem to be unable to understand that there are gendered expectations at play.

Yes I'm plainly unable to understand this as shown by my discussion of unconscious bias above. The short point is that women insisting they won't EVER do something for others like co-operating in sharing boring chores (like making tea) because of gender bias is actually selfish. That's completely different from only women doing it or a woman ALWAYS being asked to do it. Chore type jobs are shitty for everyone. It's better if everyone shares them because no one likes doing them. Equality isn't avoiding any contribution to the common good of the work place on the grounds you are a woman.

You obviously haven't read my posts properly or are being deliberately obtuse or are somewhat lacking in the grey cells department.

I used to work in a bussiness where people would argue who was making the tea and coffee there was even a sheet with how people liked there tea and coffee.

Now where i work we ask who wants one when you fancy a cuppa /pot of coffee (we have posh coffee). Everyone normaly makes one cup a day for everyone in the team .

Threads like this make me so grateful I have the employer that I do. All this hierarchical CEO bollocks is from a previous century. ROFL at 'he earns three times as much' and that prevents tea making because...? And before someone bleats 'efficiency' drink water.

All this hierarchical CEO bollocks is from a previous century.
Yes, having a boss, someone in charge of the company and the teams is last century, is it? How do you suggest things work? You take turn to run the place? You take turn to start the business too?

ROFL at 'he earns three times as much' and that prevents tea making because...? because every time the guy wastes his time making tea, he's not earning money for the business. This is why other people are employed as support team. Ultimately, (some of) the money earned by the team is going in the pot to pay everybody's bonus. Most people are much happier with a yearly or twice-yearly bonus than having the "big guys" making their tea.

I am sure your employer is your best mate, or clever enough to make you feel important. Just remember how much he earns, and how much you do

I had a grade A cunt of a boss who used to insist I made drinks for other teams (all men - engineers). Not even on my floor. I used to wring out the filthy dishcloth into the coffee pot. Petty, yes, but after being told that the men couldn't make their own drinks, I really didn't give a fuck.

So, to clarify, you are the most junior (albeit management) and the rest are board members?

So what's the likelihood of one of them making the tea?

Most people are much happier with a yearly or twice-yearly bonus than having the "big guys" making their tea.

I think that is a very simplistic notion of what makes people want to work for a company. Yes you need to be competitive and pay a decent salary but to engage your employees you also need to do more and that might include a feeling of teamwork/all in it together which your boss saying "I'm getting a coffee, will I get you one" might certainly help engender. While "X will get the coffees for you gentlemen" might well make the employee feel undervalued (since presumably she wasn't hired to make tea or coffee), shoved into a stereotypical gender role, and that she is in a different team to everyone else - they are in team sit at the table and talk about work and she is in team out you go and make the tea.

But all this is so easily fixed. No one makes the bloody tea.

You're the most junior person there, OP. That's why you get the drinks.

Yeah it's all bollix. Mr Big Stuff's time is money and he can't put the kettle on because then nobody will get their bonus and Tiny Tim will go hungry. Hmmm

I went to the kitchen at work for a quick smoke (it doubled as the smoking room, early 90s) to find a female colleague squeezing the kitchen sink cloth into the coffee pot. She added a pinch of fag ash from the ashtray and some spit for good measure.

We were pals I’d have never grassed her up.

It seems she’d taken umbrage at being asked to make the coffee again.

I’ve never, ever had coffee in the office unless I’ve made it or seen it being made since.

fustercluckery are you my ex workpal?

Dontdrinkdontsmoke this was late 90s, and I omitted the fag ash and spit! One time I made the coffee and put a stack of cups on the tray. Cunt boss came up to me later - some of the cups were dirty - some animal had put them back unwashed and put clean cups on top. After he ranted at me, I flipped and said that maybe if they made their own coffee it wouldn't have happened. I walked out of the job a week later and took cunt boss to tribunal for disability discrimination and won. That felt good!

I go to our board meetings but am a non board member. My CEO would never ask me to get him a coffee.
In fact in the meeting a couple of days ago, the catering messed up and we were one lunch short. I (being the most junior person) immediately offered to go and buy an extra sandwich but the COO jumped up and said he would go! (1/3 of our board is female as well)

I agree with Pope's wording from a few pages back. To me if you're being picked on to do a typically 'female' job then it does override rank and it is entirely reasonable to point it out politely.

To those who would always task the most junior person to make the drinks - is that the most junior person in the meeting, or someone you collar outside it? Because if someone is in the meeting then they're there for a reason and tasking them to do something which takes them away from the table is unfair in my view. Different if you're bringing someone in for that explicit reason.

I work for a pretty hierarchical organisation, but if tea making/biscuit passing is needed it's inevitably the chair (most senior) who does it. Luckily although we're pretty rank conscious we're also aware that we pay everyone to do their jobs, and those jobs are not tea making.