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Original poster

What would you do? Woman makes drinks

186 replies

Memyselfandiiiiii · 22/09/2017 14:24

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but this fills me with rage everyone and I don't know what to do about it.

In work meetings I'm often the only woman, but am equally well qualified as the male participants, albeit younger. So why is it that every single time the CEO says ' X will make the drinks, just tell her what you'd like '. Maybe I'm too easy to wind up but I feel absolutely raging every time. What would you do/say?

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 22/09/2017 14:53

What are your job roles/titles? How many years experience do you all have? I wonder if this is down to you being more junior in 'rank' despite being as qualified? Are you eg lawyers?

ringle · 22/09/2017 14:57

come back OP....

Indigo90 · 22/09/2017 14:57

I'd go for of course, "I'll pour and you can hand round".

SevenTillFour · 22/09/2017 15:00

Do you have to leave the room to make drinks? If so, make them, breeze back in, and announce "we ran out of milk, so I used the breast milk from the fridge". Bet they won't ask again ... Grin

TheFirstMrsDV · 22/09/2017 15:02

Don't play games with terrible drinks.
Stand up for yourself.

Taratill · 22/09/2017 15:02

Blatant sexism. I like Witsends response, it should do the trick.

JennyOnAPlate · 22/09/2017 15:04

I wouldn't be able to bite my tongue on this one! Fucking ridiculous op and I'm not surprised it gives you the rage!! I'd have to ask him why he always asks me and not someone else.

maxthemartian · 22/09/2017 15:04

I love the desperate attempts to find other reasons why OP is being asked.
Of course its sexism.

christinarossetti · 22/09/2017 15:04

You say, 'oh, I did them last time, it must be someone else's turn. Anyway, I've already got mine thanks.'

Ratonastick · 22/09/2017 15:09

I pointed this exact phenomenon out to my CEO a couple of years ago. He was pretty sure I was wrong until he actually watched meeting interaction then was completely horrified at how blatant it was. Now he goes out of his way to offer to make the drinks himself so I'm not out in that position. A nice outcome but incredibly telling that a man who genuinely cares about such things hadn't actually noticed they were happening under his nose.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 22/09/2017 15:14

I'd make sure that I had whatever drink I needed, be it water or coffee or tea with me at the start of the meeting. Then when I'd be 'volunteered' for the drink making role, I'd have to say "Oh, I have mine with me and anyways I made them last time, it must be X's time to make them" nominating anyone else in the room at the time.

rightsofwomen · 22/09/2017 15:19

FUCKING HELL!

And where are your male colleagues standing up to say "actually, it's my turn this week"?

My colleagues would be wincing if they thought a more senior colleague was being sexist and would stand up to it.

Original poster
Memyselfandiiiiii · 22/09/2017 15:19

Thanks for replies, good to get your thoughts. The rest are all board members.... no women on the board interestingly... I'm management. Could be a rank thing I guess. The vibe I get is just that it isn't a rank thing. Will definitely go with the old 'i made them last time and a frosty smile'

OP posts:
rightsofwomen · 22/09/2017 15:21

nb I don't actually work in an environment where anyone gets made drinks for them very often!

nb I work from home at the moment so a moot point.

FlowerPot1234 · 22/09/2017 15:21

YANBU. Outrageous. Tell the CEO it's not your turn.

expatinscotland · 22/09/2017 15:21

What Witsender said.

Aridane · 22/09/2017 15:23

I would be appalled at meeting room squabbles about who makes the drinks in a client meeting - raise outside of the meeting

Mamabear4180 · 22/09/2017 15:23

YANBU I like Witsends response

5rivers7hills · 22/09/2017 15:23

You have to raise this in advance if client facing.

If it is internal you can say "oh, I think its George's turn "

Most good senior people will be the ones to male the drinks actually...

eurochick · 22/09/2017 15:24

In my world (law) typically the most junior person in the meeting makes the drinks. Gender is irrelevant.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 22/09/2017 15:26

Maybe I'm too easy to wind up but I feel absolutely raging every time. What would you do/say?

No you aren't easy to wind up. In 20 years at work as a woman this has never, ever happened to me that I can recall. It is just utterly ridiculous and regardless of seniority or sex people should make their own fecking tea.

PopeMortificado · 22/09/2017 15:26

Don't play games with terrible drinks.
Stand up for yourself.

^ This. I agree with TheFirstMrs

I don't see why you can't ask him directly.

"I've noticed that in meetings you always ask me to make the drinks and no one else. Can I ask you why that is?"

See what he says and depending on what he says, say something like

"I think it may give the wrong impression to others that you are asking me because I'm a woman. I know it wouldn't cross your mind to think like that but to be honest, I do feel its a bit unfair that I'm always given what is a bit of a chore. Please could we share this task around in future"

Personally, I think the best time to do it would be immediately after a meeting when it had happened but only because if you bring it up out of no where it looks like it is something you have been stewing on and have accorded more importance than he gives it - which (in terms of managing the conversation) is not a good way to start as he may feel under attack and get defensive. It's better to bring it up in a natural way I would have thought. I know others may take a different view and if it bugs you, there is nothing wrong with saying it to him in private before the next meeting.

Pallisers · 22/09/2017 15:26

I wouldn't deal with this during the meeting - it could backfire. If the CEO says "no I think you should make the drinks" in response to your frosty smile" what are you going to do? I don't think it would be a good idea to have it out with him in public?

I would ask to speak to the CEO before the next meeting. Then say to him that you know he isn't doing it deliberately but when he always nominates you to make the drinks, it feeds into the preconception some members of the board may have that women can only be in an admin role and as he knows you are a manager. Also while you are off making drinks, the rest of the meeting is chatting and you may well miss some relevant conversation that will be important to you in doing your job.

Suggest that he asks beforehand that everyone gets themselves a drink if they want it - that way the meeting can start immediately with everyone at the table. He really should be sensitive to this shit - it is pretty bad that he isn't.

to be honest, I can't understand why one person has to make the drinks anyway. Don't people just arrive to the meeting with a cup of coffee if they want it?

DailyMailBestForBums · 22/09/2017 15:27

Well, I'd say "Actually, I'm , not the dinner lady. Make your own drinks" or ask if their arms are purely decorative, but I am widely regarded as a sarky sort and don't do subtlety.

KarateKitten · 22/09/2017 15:27

Sorry but if you're the lowest ranking member then you can't really say anything. Lowest rank is the fairest way to do this. Though some people will say it should be 'everyone takes a turn' but I think part of progressing in your job means doing this grunt work when you're a junior and not doing it when you're a senior member. I might be inclined to ask the person who requests you make the tea in private to confirm that you're asked to make the tea because you're the most junior person in the room and not because you're the only female. Just to make him stop and think. If he's s nice guy he might call on one of the men the next time or do it himself.

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