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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?

356 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 13:42

A few months ago I went on holiday with DH and DS who had just turned 3 years old.

My husband is the sort of person who will look to save money in any way he can and as a result he booked really stupid flight times (in relation to having a 3 year old) because they were cheaper.

Our flight out was at 9pm and due to flight length and transfers we didn't get to our hotel at what would have been almost 3am in U.K. time. Our DS hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight or transfer which meant by the time he got to bed at the hotel he'd been awake for over 21 hours. He was obviously absolutely exhausted (as was I) and it was a complete nightmare and the first day of the holiday was a complete write off as DS practically slept all day.

Anyway - me and DH agreed that as it had been so difficult and unfair to DS we would always book practical flight times in future whilst DS was young, even if it does cost a bit more.

However, yesterday DH told me he'd booked us a holiday as a surprise and that he'd gotten it really cheap. I knew what that meant and so I asked about flight times and the flight out means we'd have to get DS out of bed at 2.30am and then drag him around an airport for hours and then deal with him on flights and transfers where he probably won't be able to sleep again. This will mean that by the time we get to the hotel DS will only have had 7 hours sleep in the space of about 27 hours, involving a 2.30am wake-up.

DH thought his idea was great because it meant we'd get the whole first day of the holiday, which I pointed out would just be spent with us all, especially DS, catching up on sleep.

Of course it was lovely DH had booked this holiday but he knows I'm annoyed with the flight times especially since he'd previously agreed we always fly hours that weren't disruptive.

When I asked him why he'd got such silly flight times again and why couldn't he have just got a later one for DS's sake, he said it's because the flights he'd booked had saved him about £75. I personally don't think the hassle of a stupidly early flight is worth saving £75 for especially when it's going to have such a horrible effect on DS. Even taking DS out the picture it means I'll only get about 4 hours sleep in the space of 27 and that's just not enough for me.

DH reckons that as he's the one driving to the airport the stupidly early rise and how little sleep we're all going to get shouldn't be an issue as the early flight only really affects him.... Hmm

AIBU to be annoyed?

I'm trying not to show my annoyance and since our initial conversation about the holiday I haven't mentioned the flights because I don't want DH to think I'm not grateful, but inside I feel pissed off.

OP posts:
astoundedgoat · 21/09/2017 17:30

I wouldn't do that. What time is the actual flight? Make an executive decision and book an airport hotel, OP. We've stayed in Gatwick hotels (i.e. right inside the airport) a few times and it has been brilliant (insofar as sharing a hotel room with small children ever is!).

happypoobum · 21/09/2017 17:33

Book yourself an alternative flight, giving you a good nights sleep and landing at a reasonable hour

This is seriously what I would do - I am not sure why you are dismissing it?

That or I just wouldn't go - let DH deal with a frazzled DS, it seems he is incapable of remembering what happened last time, even though you discussed it and agreed you wouldn't do anything like that again.

Is he always such a knobber?

SisterhoodisPowerful · 21/09/2017 17:34

Out of curiosity, who will end up being responsible for the killing DS on the plane? If he usually leaves the childcare to you, I'd be arriving early and paying to change my seat to first class leaving him to deal with over tired and cranky children and the booking myself a spa for the next day while he copes with the kids.

Surprises are only fun if actually consider the people you're planning a surprise for rather just assuming they'd like it.

RosieBooBoo · 21/09/2017 17:39

You might be suprised, we had to get our 3 year old up at 4am for an early flight last month and was dreading it. She was grand the whole journey! She was so excited to see the planes at airport, everything was just a novelty for her, she didn't sleep on plane but we took a wee blanket and she lay between us chilling out with the pad.. Our apartment wasn't ready when we got to the hotel, but just got changed and went to the pool for a couple of hours. Once we got in room we relaxed, had some dinner and she was down snoozing for 630pm, we then spent the rest of the night on balcony with a bottle of wine Grin Positive thinking!

witchofzog · 21/09/2017 17:50

Well earlier flights are less likely to be delayed as they are not coming in from somewhere else. At least that's what I am telling myself when we get up at 1am next week for an early morning flight Smile

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 18:01

Is he usually a cheapskate?

He just likes to save money and think he's got a bargain Smile

It wouldn't be so bad if we were flying through the night as at least then there's a much higher chance of us all getting some sleep, but we aren't. Our flight is just before 7am so daytime will have kicked in.

We're only going for 6 days which is why I think he wants to make sure we get the full first day, but what's the point if we're all too exhausted to actually do anything and just want to go to bed Sad

OP posts:
Foxglovesandsweetpeas · 21/09/2017 18:05

You are definitely not being unreasonable. It's hard enough travelling with young children, never mind cranky, tired ones - especially when you are tired yourself. My husband knows I hate flights at stupid hours and it's just not worth it for the bit of money you save if you waste a couple of days catching up on your sleep. I for one can't sleep on planes, in cars or in airports so I end up feeling shit. I would rather have one less day of holiday than horrible travelling times. Airport security makes the whole process so painful these days and whilst I realise it's very necessary, I find the whole business very tedious. My hubby now runs the flight times by me before he books and our holidays are now a lot happier for all of us. Saving £75 for all that grief is a massive false economy. He is being very unreasonable as no doubt your cranky three year old will only want you when he's tired and if he screams it will no doubt be you getting the dirty looks from everyone.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 21/09/2017 18:11

If the flight is at 7 and the airport is a 45 minutes drive away, why do you have to get up at 2.30?

catgirl1976 · 21/09/2017 18:21

7am IS a reasonable flight time.

You need to be at the airport for 6. The airport is a 45 minute drive away. Even if you give your self an extra 15 mins in case of traffic (unlikely at that time of day..) you need to leave home at 5am. You therefore don't need to get up until 4:30am.

If you go to bed at 10pm you will get 6.5 hours sleep - a pretty average amount. Your DS will no doubt go to bed around 7pm if he is 3 so he's getting 9 hours.

Where is this terrible, holiday ruining exhaustion going to come from?

I often get up up at 4:30am for work, get home at 7pm, stay up till midnight and then do it again the next day and I'm still alive.

YABU

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 18:22

He said we need to leave at 2.45am in order to get to the airport for 4.30am. I assume he's leaving leeway time in case of any problems on the way there, or in the airport and take into account the time to get the shuttle bus from the car park to the Terminal. I don't even know to be honest.

I might tell him to enjoy his flight and say that me and the children will join him there later that day once we've got off another normal timed flight Smile

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 21/09/2017 18:24

In that case he's being massively unreasonable. You'll spend hours starting at an over priced coffee in departures dreaming about the extra 2 hours sleep you could have had.

Get a different flight or a hotel

MorrisZapp · 21/09/2017 18:27

Surprises are nice but I would never book a trip involving air travel for any other adult without their consultation. It's just a weird thing to do imo.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 18:29

My guess is that he's spinning the 'surprise' factor because he knows full well that if he suggested we go away and told me those flight times that I would have said HELL NO!!

OP posts:
BarbaraofSevillle · 21/09/2017 18:32

Well the flights are booked so you need to make the best of it. Can you book parking as close as possible to the airport so you don't have to faff with shuttle buses?

At Manchester you can get Meet and Greet right opposite the terminal and it's usually no more than £10/20 above the cheapest option if you book in advance and it's well worth it.

If the flight is at 7 I would be getting up at 3.30 and leave at 4 - allows a bit extra for delays - never say never, you could also get a puncture.

No chance anyone will sleep on the plane? Greasy breakfast and milky drink at the airport to encourage sleep?

Find out what time you get your accomodation on the first day and if you will be hanging round for hours, how about booking a budget hotel at the destination airport for a proper siesta in the early afternoon? You will then be able to have a nice evening meal, earlyish night and then should be ready to start your holiday.

But in future, ignore any flights that call for very early starts or very late arrivals if it doesn't suit - arriving at 3 am sounds horrible.

BarbaraofSevillle · 21/09/2017 18:36

If you search for flights on Skyscanner, you can filter out inconvenient departure or arrival times. You do the searching and your DH won't even know that there is a cheaper option!

SparklingBollox · 21/09/2017 18:46

Is he worried about getting stuck going through security?
It's probably worth checking out what time you can actually check in we have got to the airport really early before and had to wait for over an hour just to check in.

Brittbugs80 · 21/09/2017 18:48

Our flight is just before 7am so daytime will have kicked in

That's hardly a bad flight?! If you live 45 mins from airport, why are you leaving at 2am?

You need to be at airport 2 hours before for Europe, at worst you could leave home at 4. I still don't know if you're in the states so if your heading to Europe it would be three hours. For 6 days I'd doubt you are heading too far away. What time do you arrive?

It sounds a bit like your wanting it to go wrong so you can say I told you so.

rookiemere · 21/09/2017 19:00

I think the bit I'd be most annoyed about is the fact he went ahead and booked the flights without consulting you - knowing that you didn't enjoy the previous experience on an early flight.

I tend to be the holiday organiser for our family as - to be honest i love planning them and finding a bargain - but even if it was an outrageous amazing deal, if i knew it was outside DHs parameters - so not flying from our closest airport , or getting back or leaving any time between midnight and seven am - I'd definitely run past him for his views or reject automatically.

I'll tell you worse though. My cousin told me recently that her DM -who has an extremely generous pension- bought flights to Spain for her and her DP that involved a stop over , when direct flights exist. She did this to save the princely sum of £50 and extended their overall travelling time by about 4 hrs Shock! When my cousin queried it she was told that Daunt was a pensioner and didn't have money to be wasting it.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 19:04

t sounds a bit like your wanting it to go wrong so you can say I told you so.

That would involve actually taking that flight but I'm going to try my hardest to make sure it doesn't happen Sad

OP posts:
Brittbugs80 · 21/09/2017 19:19

That would involve actually taking that flight but I'm going to try my hardest to make sure it doesn't happen

Wow.

Absolutely no point commenting anymore. You are not even prepared to give it a chance are you?!

Someone else said if your son goes to be at 7pm and gets up at 330, that's still 8 hours sleep then to bed as normal on the night when you arrive.

I can't be bothered with people who are permanently negative and down on every situation and rather than being excited, have to suck the fun and joy out of it.

I feel sorry for your DH, poor bloke.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 19:27

Absolutely no point commenting anymore. You are not even prepared to give it a chance are you?!

No because we've had shit flight times before and it was a nightmare which DH will agree with. Following our previous experience DH and I had agreed that any future flights would not be at ridiculous hours yet he's gone and done this anyway. It's me who will be the one dealing with an exhausted young child and a cranky baby so no, it's not "poor DH" - it's stupid DH for thinking his plan was a good idea.

It's going to be awful, which he knows, but he won't admit it.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 21/09/2017 19:29

7am is a very good flight time, even with young children. We had a 7am flight to Spain this summer and there were families with toddlers and babies on it. No problems that I could see, and we never had any problems when we used to do it with young children.

You seem determined to have a problem and I think you are being unfair on your DH.

The only thing I would change s his idea of leaving at 2.30am when you are just 45 minutes from the airport. I'd leave just before 4.

He has done a nice thing. You are determined to make an issue and it is silly.

Brittbugs80 · 21/09/2017 19:41

No because we've had shit flight times before and it was a nightmare which DH will agree with. Following our previous experience DH and I had agreed that any future flights would not be at ridiculous hours yet he's gone and done this anyway. It's me who will be the one dealing with an exhausted young child and a cranky baby so no, it's not "poor DH" - it's stupid DH for thinking his plan was a good idea.

It's going to be awful, which he knows, but he won't admit it

It's going to be awful because your dam we going to try your hardest to make it awful.

7am is not a bad flight time. In fact it's that flight that's often filled with families.

And yes, it is poor DH for having to put up with you attempting to ruin a holiday.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 19:43

I'm just annoyed that in order to save £75 he's gone back on an agreement we had both made without consulting me at all. It's like he's completely discounting me and saying my thoughts/concerns are just irrelevant.

OP posts:
caroline161 · 21/09/2017 19:45

Ha ha ha. I'll go and I'll look after your grumpy child. My husband does fuck all, would be a treat for me.

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