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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?

356 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 13:42

A few months ago I went on holiday with DH and DS who had just turned 3 years old.

My husband is the sort of person who will look to save money in any way he can and as a result he booked really stupid flight times (in relation to having a 3 year old) because they were cheaper.

Our flight out was at 9pm and due to flight length and transfers we didn't get to our hotel at what would have been almost 3am in U.K. time. Our DS hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight or transfer which meant by the time he got to bed at the hotel he'd been awake for over 21 hours. He was obviously absolutely exhausted (as was I) and it was a complete nightmare and the first day of the holiday was a complete write off as DS practically slept all day.

Anyway - me and DH agreed that as it had been so difficult and unfair to DS we would always book practical flight times in future whilst DS was young, even if it does cost a bit more.

However, yesterday DH told me he'd booked us a holiday as a surprise and that he'd gotten it really cheap. I knew what that meant and so I asked about flight times and the flight out means we'd have to get DS out of bed at 2.30am and then drag him around an airport for hours and then deal with him on flights and transfers where he probably won't be able to sleep again. This will mean that by the time we get to the hotel DS will only have had 7 hours sleep in the space of about 27 hours, involving a 2.30am wake-up.

DH thought his idea was great because it meant we'd get the whole first day of the holiday, which I pointed out would just be spent with us all, especially DS, catching up on sleep.

Of course it was lovely DH had booked this holiday but he knows I'm annoyed with the flight times especially since he'd previously agreed we always fly hours that weren't disruptive.

When I asked him why he'd got such silly flight times again and why couldn't he have just got a later one for DS's sake, he said it's because the flights he'd booked had saved him about £75. I personally don't think the hassle of a stupidly early flight is worth saving £75 for especially when it's going to have such a horrible effect on DS. Even taking DS out the picture it means I'll only get about 4 hours sleep in the space of 27 and that's just not enough for me.

DH reckons that as he's the one driving to the airport the stupidly early rise and how little sleep we're all going to get shouldn't be an issue as the early flight only really affects him.... Hmm

AIBU to be annoyed?

I'm trying not to show my annoyance and since our initial conversation about the holiday I haven't mentioned the flights because I don't want DH to think I'm not grateful, but inside I feel pissed off.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 16:22

your just turned 3 year old stayed awake for over 21 hours? I find that hard to believe.

Believe me, he did.
Up at 6am (uk time) and then asleep in the hotel at what would be 3am UK time. It was an absolute nightmare!

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 16:24

nothing like a fun 230am start to drive to Stanstead, then find the car park then get the bus, then queue 2 hours for Ryanair, and 40 for security! it kicks off the holiday, I swear it

Smile Grin

God I hope this is what DH has got in store for me!! Smile

OP posts:
paxillin · 21/09/2017 16:33

Let him negotiate the whole thing. He can fly with your DS, as he said, it is no trouble at all. You fly at reasonable o'clock and meet them there.

If you do go with him make sure you fall asleep in the car, on the plane and at every opportunity so he gets the entertain-the-grumpy-child shift. He will book an 11am flight whatever the cost in future.

BorisTrumpsHair · 21/09/2017 16:37

Put DS (supervised by DH) to bed in the car the night before :)

BoffinMum · 21/09/2017 16:40

Definitely LTB

NameChangeFamousFolk · 21/09/2017 16:42

I've always found that kids and flights are completely unpredictable in terms of who sleeps/when/gets so excited they throw up/whatever that we just book the cheapest flights on the basis that it'll be a bit chaotic, people will doze off when they get chance and it's a bit out of everyone's routine, but then it'll be okay again.

To be honest, although YANBU because you've told your DH the issues, I just can't get wound up about stuff like this. My sister is obsessed with routines and 'timings' and I think it's sent me the other way completely.

JWrecks · 21/09/2017 16:45

IMO £75 is absolutely NOT worth losing an entire day of holiday due to cranky or sleeping child and is DEFINITELY NOT worth having a crying, cranky, grumpy child on a flight.

I'd be annoyed as well! Agree with @paxillin that you should do everything in your power to leave him to deal with the crying, angry DS. Just go to sleep (or fake it lol) and make him take care of everything. Make it a pain in HIS arse, then maybe he won't pull this shit next time.

iseenodust · 21/09/2017 16:47

esistential I believe the OP about 21 hours awake. DS was younger and did that to us. We drove to the airport, flew to Europe (quicker than driving to Heathrow), flew to Canada and he finally fell asleep on a ferry out of Vancouver. He was just too damn nosey. Wasn't crying or miserable.

ctdg · 21/09/2017 16:52

OHH! I feel you, I really do. Some children can sleep anywhere but not mine. Every time we travel it takes 48 hours to get back to senses. It's definitely not worth £75; you're absolutely right!

Cambionome · 21/09/2017 16:55

He sounds like a total idiot. Why didn't he listen to you last time? Confused

Standingcat · 21/09/2017 16:58

I doubt that you can change the booking if it's a cheap, I would suck it up on this occasion, can you start talking to DS about sleeping on the plane? Make it sound like a good idea? While travelling get your DH to look after DS while you nap?

Next time take charge of booking?

I normally book decent flight times but always mindful that delays can happen, my DD won't normally sleep in transit either.

CoyoteCafe · 21/09/2017 16:59

I was completed amazed at how long my children could stay awake on airplanes when they were little. When less than 2 years old, one of my DDs managed to stay awake on an overnight flight from the US to Ireland. All night. She finally dropped off as they announced we were making our final approach into Dublin airport. Both my DH and I were WTF? Confused Thank god we had nieces to watch her while we napped the next day.

YANBU

Keep yelling at him and he will eventually learn to consider the children when booking flights. It may take years. My DD is now in uni, and my DH considers flight times when booking her flights home.

In the meantime, let him do lots and lots of parenting during and after the travel. Leave him with both kids and take a bubble bath after you get there.

Aridane · 21/09/2017 17:02

A minority view - but YABU

QuackDuckQuack · 21/09/2017 17:03

We always opt for nicer flight times and won't fly Ryanair. I wouldn't go on a holiday that was ruined by dodge flight times. We had a holiday really damaged by having to be at a central London passport office at 6 am to sort out DH's expired passport before an afternoon flight.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/09/2017 17:05

I just think it is weird to book a holiday without consulting the other holiday members.

SparklingBollox · 21/09/2017 17:08

I would be fine with it too. My dts wouldn't have slept at that age either and we had loads of really odd flight times.
We always just made the most of it.
What time do you actually get to your hotel /apartment?

Branleuse · 21/09/2017 17:12

I wouldnt be able to sleep if i knew i had to get up at 2.30 and I also wouldnt be able to sleep during the day afterwards, so this would probably fuck up the first day or two of my holiday, for the sake of £70. I certainly would not do that if I was travelling with kids for a short holiday.

QueSera · 21/09/2017 17:13

YABU. He's done a lovely thing booking a holiday! Sure the flight times arent ideal, but does it really matter? It's just one day. Almost all of my trips with little dd have involved ridiculous wake-up times, long periods without sleep, uncomfortable waits in airports, etc. Just roll with it. And enjoy the holiday!

Slimthistime · 21/09/2017 17:16

for gawd
I'm penny pincher central and I wouldn't do this, it's not a saving when a whole day is lost.

Looneytune253 · 21/09/2017 17:17

I have children and much much prefer early morning flights. The excitement usually gets the kids through the first day and you (usually) don't have the dreaded night flight for the way home. Can your little one not just nap in the pushchair so you can still walk around on the first day?

PolkaDotty7 · 21/09/2017 17:19

It's not a lovely surprise if the holiday starts off in misery for the person you are surprising. Tell him no more surprises, OP! And change your flight time. It's not worth saving £75 for all that discomfort. It sounds terrible. Is he usually a cheapskate?

tigerlil6571 · 21/09/2017 17:26

YANBU.

You tried it once and it didn't work. Your DH should not have booked middle of the night flight times again.

But he has. He knows you're annoyed about it. So what I would do is not mention again that you're annoyed, just ask him clearly not to book flight times again that you're unhappy with.

Then...there's nothing else to say. Relax, try your best with DS on the flight and enjoy your holiday Smile

StickThatInYourPipe · 21/09/2017 17:27

Isn't getting up at 2.30 part of the fun of holidays? looks back fondly to childhood holidays

I think this too! Grin

bridgetreilly · 21/09/2017 17:28

I used to love getting up in the middle of the night to go on holiday. I honestly think you're making a mountain of a molehill.

burnoutbabe · 21/09/2017 17:28

Why should she be grateful he booked a surprise holiday?
I assume it's shared money so he is just using their money on things that were not agreed on. She might not even like the destination or hotel/villa

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