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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?

356 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 13:42

A few months ago I went on holiday with DH and DS who had just turned 3 years old.

My husband is the sort of person who will look to save money in any way he can and as a result he booked really stupid flight times (in relation to having a 3 year old) because they were cheaper.

Our flight out was at 9pm and due to flight length and transfers we didn't get to our hotel at what would have been almost 3am in U.K. time. Our DS hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight or transfer which meant by the time he got to bed at the hotel he'd been awake for over 21 hours. He was obviously absolutely exhausted (as was I) and it was a complete nightmare and the first day of the holiday was a complete write off as DS practically slept all day.

Anyway - me and DH agreed that as it had been so difficult and unfair to DS we would always book practical flight times in future whilst DS was young, even if it does cost a bit more.

However, yesterday DH told me he'd booked us a holiday as a surprise and that he'd gotten it really cheap. I knew what that meant and so I asked about flight times and the flight out means we'd have to get DS out of bed at 2.30am and then drag him around an airport for hours and then deal with him on flights and transfers where he probably won't be able to sleep again. This will mean that by the time we get to the hotel DS will only have had 7 hours sleep in the space of about 27 hours, involving a 2.30am wake-up.

DH thought his idea was great because it meant we'd get the whole first day of the holiday, which I pointed out would just be spent with us all, especially DS, catching up on sleep.

Of course it was lovely DH had booked this holiday but he knows I'm annoyed with the flight times especially since he'd previously agreed we always fly hours that weren't disruptive.

When I asked him why he'd got such silly flight times again and why couldn't he have just got a later one for DS's sake, he said it's because the flights he'd booked had saved him about £75. I personally don't think the hassle of a stupidly early flight is worth saving £75 for especially when it's going to have such a horrible effect on DS. Even taking DS out the picture it means I'll only get about 4 hours sleep in the space of 27 and that's just not enough for me.

DH reckons that as he's the one driving to the airport the stupidly early rise and how little sleep we're all going to get shouldn't be an issue as the early flight only really affects him.... Hmm

AIBU to be annoyed?

I'm trying not to show my annoyance and since our initial conversation about the holiday I haven't mentioned the flights because I don't want DH to think I'm not grateful, but inside I feel pissed off.

OP posts:
Lazy2Hazy · 21/09/2017 19:46

I think YABU

Ereshkigal · 21/09/2017 19:55

OP, if it's Ryanair can you pay for fast track security for you and DH so you don't have to allow so much time and can sleep longer? I did that on a recent flight and swanned through Stansted, you should have seen the size of the queue.

Aridane · 21/09/2017 20:10

Oh bloody hell you sound determined to have a miserable time

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 20:23

Oh bloody hell you sound determined to have a miserable time

I'm not, I can't wait for the actual holiday itself, I just wish he'd stuck to what we'd previously agreed on regarding flight times.

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 21/09/2017 20:29

If it's Ryanair be prepared for the flight to be cancelled.

BarbaraofSevillle · 21/09/2017 20:32

I think you can book fast track with a lot of airlines, or maybe at any airline that offers the service. I don't know how the DH is going to take the £75 saving being spent on other things like fast track etc though.

I wouldn't worry too much even if it Ryanair. They are cancelling 2% of their flights for a short period, so the chances of being on a cancelled flight are actually quite low.

poppym12 · 21/09/2017 21:24

You can book fast track directly with the airport if it's available there.

Topseyt · 21/09/2017 21:42

If you are looking forward to the holiday then embrace it and stop whinging about the flight.

I don't think your DH has done anything wrong. You had a night flight last time which didn't work that well (understandable). Now he has booked a far better flight with a 7am departure, but that doesn't suit you either. If he had booked a late morning one would you have whinged because that would interfere with nap time or lunchtime?

You are being hard work. If I were your DH and booked you a surprise holiday yet you even rebooked and went out on a separate flight I would feel very snubbed and think you very rude.

NefretForth · 21/09/2017 21:44

Am I the only one who would hate to have a surprise holiday booked for me? I'd be crosser about that than about an inconvenient flight time! I want a say in where we go.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 21/09/2017 21:48

Am I the only one who would hate to have a surprise holiday booked for me?

Going by other comments on this thread, no.

Topseyt · 21/09/2017 21:51

I'd be cross about a surprise party as I hate parties. I've had surprise holidays before though and loved them.

Phineyj · 21/09/2017 21:52

I think if you have strong feelings about flight times (I do) - book them yourself.

cluelessnewmum · 21/09/2017 21:58

Definitely leave your dh to deal with your cranky child on the flight and getting him into a sleep routine the following night. Literally just put your headphones in and leave them to it for as long as it takes. If he has to deal with the crappiness he'll probably decide himself he'd rather spend the £75 next time.

speakout · 21/09/2017 22:04

Good flight times are cucial to me.

I have flown a lot over the years and for a short haul holiday simply wouldn't consider red eye flights.

I like to fly late morning arrive just before dinner.

I would rather change destination, country or month of the year than have a night flight.

Heratnumber7 · 21/09/2017 22:17

YABU

Our DDs think it's not a proper holiday if it doesn't start with a car journey in your pjs.

Kids are flexible. Our DDs learned to sleep anywhere.

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 22:21

One year we went to Mexico (pre children) and I wanted to fly direct but because it was cheaper DH talked me into his plan of getting there via flights due to a stop in another country. As a result we were awake for about 25 hours and it was absolute hell but I sucked it up.

After our flight experience with DS last year we agreed that as adults we can cope with shitty flight times and having to be awake for hours and hours on end, but now we had a child and it wasn't just about us anymore and we had to think about what's best for DS when looking at flight schedules. He completely agreed and the matter was closed.

Wanting to save £75 therefore meaning a 4 year old and an 8 month old baby should be woken up at 2.30am is not taking into account what's best for them in my opinion. Other people may disagree and that's fair enough.

I'm just annoyed that DH has gone back on what we'd agreed about flights because it suits him.

OP posts:
bibblebobblebubble · 21/09/2017 22:29

Agree with nefretforth. Weird to book a major family holiday unilaterally as a 'surprise' and not even tell you where it is.

Part of the pleasure is in the planning and anticipation, and with a 3yo there will be things that need organising like where to go on days out etc. I would HATE not to know where I was going and I'd be angry at DH for making a decision without me.

Delatron · 21/09/2017 22:39

I hate starting off the holiday absolutely knackered.. My husband has pulled stunts like this, He's one of those weird people who needs about 3 hours sleep. I need at least 8. He's learning. YANBU.

VinIsGroot · 21/09/2017 22:58

TBH... I think you are all really sad!!!
My DS thinks 2:00am is nothing 6/7 days per week.
I've got 2 autistic kids.....
It's a fucking holiday .... abroad!

Tired kids are the least of my worries!!!

Luncharmstrong · 21/09/2017 23:01

Yabu . He did a lovely thing. Enjoy it. Your kid will be fine

TheMaddHugger · 22/09/2017 03:09

Having read the first post. I thought 'Kill Him'

Having Read the updates I say " Kill him with a Rusty Spork"

(((Hugs))) good Luck OP

To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?
MargotMoon · 22/09/2017 03:31

YANBU. You both made an agreement, he broke it. I don't understand why PP think this is fine and you shouldn't be annoyed!

lalalalyra · 22/09/2017 03:31

If the airport is only 45 mins away then I'd look into a taxi. Lots of can companies do good prices for airport runs and when you taxi into account parking costs and the time faffing about with shuttles etc it can be well worth it. It also gives you a later start.

Also if you think your 4yo will be knackered then take a cheapy buggy. I took a buggy for mine at that age for airport and late nights.

MrsKoala · 22/09/2017 03:52

I just wouldn't go. It totally depends on your children. But mine would be horrendous for 5 -7 days after something like that. Holidays are pretty difficult anyway with small children, so why would you make it worse? I am shuddering inside thinking of the screaming in the airport and on the plane.

Oblomov17 · 22/09/2017 04:49

I disagree. Change your view of it.
Sell it to ds. We did with older ds's, re late flight, joked that they may find it too tiring. Oh no they insisted. Worked a treat. Dh and I had a sneaky giggle. Wink
I'm off next week with the football mums at 05:45 flight. I've just accepted that this is the time and that's fine.