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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off with the flight time DH chose?

356 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 21/09/2017 13:42

A few months ago I went on holiday with DH and DS who had just turned 3 years old.

My husband is the sort of person who will look to save money in any way he can and as a result he booked really stupid flight times (in relation to having a 3 year old) because they were cheaper.

Our flight out was at 9pm and due to flight length and transfers we didn't get to our hotel at what would have been almost 3am in U.K. time. Our DS hadn't been able to sleep at all on the flight or transfer which meant by the time he got to bed at the hotel he'd been awake for over 21 hours. He was obviously absolutely exhausted (as was I) and it was a complete nightmare and the first day of the holiday was a complete write off as DS practically slept all day.

Anyway - me and DH agreed that as it had been so difficult and unfair to DS we would always book practical flight times in future whilst DS was young, even if it does cost a bit more.

However, yesterday DH told me he'd booked us a holiday as a surprise and that he'd gotten it really cheap. I knew what that meant and so I asked about flight times and the flight out means we'd have to get DS out of bed at 2.30am and then drag him around an airport for hours and then deal with him on flights and transfers where he probably won't be able to sleep again. This will mean that by the time we get to the hotel DS will only have had 7 hours sleep in the space of about 27 hours, involving a 2.30am wake-up.

DH thought his idea was great because it meant we'd get the whole first day of the holiday, which I pointed out would just be spent with us all, especially DS, catching up on sleep.

Of course it was lovely DH had booked this holiday but he knows I'm annoyed with the flight times especially since he'd previously agreed we always fly hours that weren't disruptive.

When I asked him why he'd got such silly flight times again and why couldn't he have just got a later one for DS's sake, he said it's because the flights he'd booked had saved him about £75. I personally don't think the hassle of a stupidly early flight is worth saving £75 for especially when it's going to have such a horrible effect on DS. Even taking DS out the picture it means I'll only get about 4 hours sleep in the space of 27 and that's just not enough for me.

DH reckons that as he's the one driving to the airport the stupidly early rise and how little sleep we're all going to get shouldn't be an issue as the early flight only really affects him.... Hmm

AIBU to be annoyed?

I'm trying not to show my annoyance and since our initial conversation about the holiday I haven't mentioned the flights because I don't want DH to think I'm not grateful, but inside I feel pissed off.

OP posts:
Blodplod · 22/09/2017 21:25

@MrsKoala.. I've got a picture of those 1950's books in my head telling women how to behave and be grateful... 'when you're husband comes home saying he's booked a holiday and getting up in the middle of the night, be gracious, give a tinkly laugh and fix him a drink and get his slippers, before the flight, be sure to pack everyone's bags, apply some lipstick and remember to be jolly throughout and not let your husband feel any stress during the journey'.. I just typed that in the queens voice..

TellMeIAmBonkers · 22/09/2017 21:25

I'm genuinely surprised at all the posters saying they wouldn't mind a 2.30am start.

"Hey honey, I got you a surprise!"

"Oh how lovely."

"But you and the kids have to get up at 2.30am to get it."

"No."

MrsKoala · 22/09/2017 21:30

Yeah Grin don't bother him with your trivial nonsense woman.

Blodplod · 22/09/2017 21:30

Fuck off would be my response.. I think I've just realised I'm old and cranky.. Grin compared to the cute bouncy wake up at 1.00am types to get ready and wake up toddlers at 2.30am 'exciting' and part of the whole experience..

Longdistance · 22/09/2017 21:39

I'm gonna duck, as the timings wouldn't bother me.

It could be that dds have travelled from a young age. Even when toddlers, would love getting on a plane whatever time. Dd's are crap sleepers, but still slept.

Example, night flight from Cuba, slept for 4 hours (9.5 hour flight), and went to school in the morning Blush

We did similar last year when coming back from Cyprus.

I travelled with dd's in my own from Oz, when they were 14mo and not quite 3. Do I get a medal 😜 as well as 🔥 🔥

IncidentalAnarchist · 22/09/2017 21:40

Read into it what you want. I'm actually a feminist but whatever. I just think that if you post in AIBU you should at least consider that there are other viewpoints rather than just blindly asserting you're right. And being DETERMINED to be right at the point of deciding the whole holiday is going to be a clusterfuck. Maybe, yknow, just plan for minimal disruption and see how it goes.
As far as things go, it's one early start in a lifetime and an epic fucking first world problem

NameChangeFamousFolk · 22/09/2017 21:42

compared to the cute bouncy wake up at 1.00am types

I've got a picture of those 1950's books in my head telling women how to behave and be grateful

But yes, come on OP paint on a smile and just be grateful

Oh right okay. If the thread's heading this way, I'll be off.

Enjoy your hols OP.

Aridane · 22/09/2017 21:43

It is only after reading this thread that I realise what is meant by the expression 'glass half empty'. Enjoy being miserable!

youarenotkiddingme · 22/09/2017 21:47

Ds and I always get to hotel at noon. Also do early flights.

We go and have something to eat and an explore and get stuff from shops for room. We leave luggage in the hotels luggage room.

Then we will have a swim and shower, have a meal and then have an early night.

I think I would be looking at a double buggy the trip. You have £75 to spend on one if you don't already have one!

Brittbugs80 · 22/09/2017 21:49

I'm genuinely surprised at all the posters saying they wouldn't mind a 2.30am start

Why? It's not happening everyday is it? For the OP it's happening once. We do it 4/5 times a year and I need my sleep but that doesn't mean I'd only travel between 10am and 1pm.

youarenotkiddingme · 22/09/2017 21:49

If your flight is 6.30am the only way you can be at accommodation by 9 is an hours flight and 10 minute transfer (taking into account the time difference)

You're going to eurodosney!

Adnerb95 · 22/09/2017 21:50

YADNBU

I'd be pissed off too - one of those money-saving strategies which just means that what is meant to be a pleasure turns into a PITA.

You don't gain any time on the holiday - you end up losing sleep, time and patience.

I now refuse to fly before 9am or after 7pm - if I can't afford the flights at civilised times, I'll go without the holiday, thanks.

Blodplod · 22/09/2017 21:52

The thread is not 'turning' anyway.. but seriously in this day and age of international travel, choice of destinations, different travel times etc and the fact the OP had the specific conversation with her husband that this shouldn't happen why on earth should she somehow now be grateful and just jolly along? It was not a comparison to third world problems, it was not a comparison to why she should be grateful to getting a holiday when so many others were needing more etc etc etc., it was simply ' I asked my husband to not do something I didn't like, and he ignored that and did it anyway' - most of us have answered that question.

Adnerb95 · 22/09/2017 21:52

As for those PPs who say "sleep on the flight" ... yeah, right Shock

IncidentalAnarchist · 22/09/2017 22:26

Ffs some of you are batshit crazy. Just because you can't sleep on flights, of COURSE nobody else can! 🙄

TellMeIAmBonkers · 22/09/2017 22:44

The point us more that op and her DH had a specific conversation where they explicitly agreed that their DS and early flights didn't work well together so they wouldn't book any fuck o clock flights in the future.

Op's DH has either 'forgotten' this conversation, in which case, is he dim? Does he have memory problems? Or more likely he's remembered but thought 'fuck it' because this is what he wants to do and that is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

I think that's a bigger issue than whether people can sleep on planes or not.

FaveNumberIs2 · 22/09/2017 22:56

Our airport, apologies, not hotel.

RedToothBrush · 22/09/2017 23:02

The OP should be a real feminist and stay home then Hmm.

It's less about standing up for yourself against your husband and more cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Seriously, I don't think the discussion with the timing with the DH is the real deal here. I think she just finds the entire idea of the holiday the problem.

The more this thread has gone on and the OP has found reasons why it's I just not acceptable to a her the more I think the time is just excuse and if it wasn't this issue it would be another.

I think the OP needs to be honest with herself that she finds the idea of going on holiday abroad, horrible and stressful full stop. And then convey that to the husband rather than all the nonsense over times.

JanKind · 23/09/2017 00:21

Why don't you take over holiday plans if it matters to you?

Nanny0gg · 23/09/2017 00:23

Why don't you take over holiday plans if it matters to you?

Because it was a surprise...

mummyof3kids · 23/09/2017 00:48

My thoughts are that it is EuroDisney also (assuming you are in the U.K). This would explain the importance of getting there early to enjoy the full day. Have a conversation with DH and calmly air your concerns around the travel. There will be things you can do to make it easier on everyone. Also, if it is Disney your son will be so excited he won't feel tired upon arrival and will sleep well that 1st evening. I have always got earliest possible option, travelling with toddlers and babies and it has always been fine although I have travelled Eurostar each time. Show your OH some trust and make it work.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 23/09/2017 04:16

tbh I'd just get over it, id be glad just to be able to afford to go on holiday and the fact he did it as a surprise I'm lucky to get a surprise hello let alone a holiday, you've got a nice guy there don't be ungrateful.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 23/09/2017 04:23

reading back the comments think of it the other way round if you'd booked a holiday and instead of getting an excited response you just got moaned at by dh everyone would be calling him a miserable fuck and to leave him home!

lala349296 · 23/09/2017 04:41

i was brought up doing this, therefore i don't see the problem, our flights were always 6-8am flying out and 10am-lunchtime coming home, makes the most of the day and being awake so early was the excitement of the holiday!

relax, i personally don't think this is an issue, id be pissed off initially but think this way, it's a holiday, some people don't get that luxury

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 23/09/2017 05:00

I'm genuinely surprised at all the posters saying they wouldn't mind a 2.30am start.

You are genuinely surprised that people have a different opinion to you Hmm