To leave this bitchy snobby mum's clique

[LurpackLover]

I've name changed as the location might out me.

My DD has just started school. She has moved into reception with about 15 children who attended the school nursery so all the parents know each other quite well.

I've been friends with my DD's best friend's mum for about 2 years. I always knew she was abit snobby but when it's just us on our own she's great. We are total opposites - she is originally from a "posher" part of the country and I'm from the countryside. Our accents are totally different, she is a manager I work in a supermarket, she lives in a lovely house I live in a terraced 3 bed, her and her partner have quite abit of money, me and my partner scrape through.

This hasn't really become apparent or been a problem until the girls started school. She has started to make comments about her DD has started to come back speaking with the local accent and that she is annoyed and has told her daughter that we speak "properly and nicely". She has also said that her DD's behaviour has started to decline rapidly after starting school 3 weeks ago and this must be to do with the fact that it's a state school rather than private and she's clearly picking it up from other children at school.

We are friends with 3 other mums from the school who have the same views as my friend - they are all wealthy etc and they were all stood discussing it today, saying how they wish they could move their children to private schools as their children coming home and speaking "that way" disgusts them and its clearly because they are mixing with common children.

I came home and felt very sad. Partly because I don't know why these mums are friends with me because I'm supposedly everything that they hate and also that my DD is probably seen to them as "one of those kids" as she has the same accent as me!

My DD told me yesterday that her best friend told her that she didn't want to play with her anymore. I asked my friend about it and she said that her DD had said that my DD kept following her around and she had told her to go and tell a teacher if my DD kept following her after she had told her she didn't want to play with her anymore. I think that's really mean! I guess what I'm trying to say is that our views are totally different.

AIBU to just step away from this group? I don't know if I'm over reacting or not?

I think these women are probably fussing unnecessarily. Children will conform to fit in and invariably that will lead to habits and mannerisms their parents dislike.

My husband and I relocated to a remote area of Scotland around three years ago.

My four daughters attend state schools. One attends a secondary school and the others primary school.

My husband and I both attended independent boarding schools as did our oldest child (a boy).

Scotland has some excellent state schools and while the girls were so young it was impractical to send them to independent schools. The oldest girl is now at a state secondary and doing so well, we will probably let her stay there.

This means all four girl speak gaelic when communicating with their school friends.

At first, I was concerned. It was strange to hear my young children communicating in a language I didn't understand. I was also worried about the effect it would have on their older brother who has received all his education in England where he is now away at university.

I need not have worried. My husband and I are picking up the language and our lovely girls enjoy being able to teach us something.

They go between languages with ease at home and often mix them up. Our son feels amused by them rather than excluded and has even started to learn a few words himself.

I thoroughly dislike mums like this - maybe a bit richer than some in the school but not enough money to go private - so they try to Lord it over everyone they perceive to be less well off than them! That shows no proper upbringing or care for others. Just because someone speaks differently from you doesn't at all mean they are less nice or clever. Also as to their comment about foreigners, I'd remind her that the competition for the jobs of tomorrow will come from foreigners. I work for a global Investment Bank and let me tell you the most senior people in their London office are all foreigners or the first generation children of foreigners and that goes across all banks as far as I can see. Just look at who heads up the British ones - RBS - Australian: Lloyds - Portuguese: Barclays - American: Bank of England - Canadian - tell her to jog on with her idea of foreigners!!!!

I think your use of the words bitchy, snobby and clique says it all. Find proper friends you can snigger with.

If this so-called friend detests the 'farmer accent' so much, why on earth did she move to the area?! A little relevant anecdote:
I am Kentish born and bred (and can't wait to move to the West Country) and my oldest friend moved from Kent to the W.Country 30 years ago. Maybe a year or less after moving there she had of course picked up the accent! My point is, it happens! I don't think of her or her family as less posh because of how they now speak! These so called friends clearly have issues in their own lives they can not cope with, and are therefore being picky and snobby about other people's lives. I'd suggest making friends with other like minded people and leaving these snobby bi**s to it! You and your DD will be far better off without them and their prejudices.

Fifty bob millionaires, champagne drinkers with lemonade pockets, you don't need people like that in your life, money doesn't buy class or manners.

What a silly bunch they sound. They'll be all trying to outdo each other soon if this sort of thing means so much to them. And that never ends well. I thought plummy accents were going out of fashion these days anyway.

All this us superior and them less worthy rubbish does my head in. I would find others to talk to or be busy on your phone, who needs the headache?

Lurpaklover- I'm from the West Country too. Good old 'tornt-tun' I couldn't give a flying fuck about my very local accent when I pick up my kids from the local independent school.

Those woman sound like hyacinth buckets! Laughable really.

This is really not normal. At my daughter's primary school the kids come from all walks of life and they are all different nationalities and as far as I can see all the parents are polite and friendly and get along just fine. If I heard anyone making ignorant comments like that I wouldn't mix with again, let alone try and fit in with them. I would make friends with more open minded parents if you can find some and try and encourage your daughter to make some new friends by suggesting play dates etc. They really sound like unpleasant people and you need to rise above it and find people who make you laugh and who give you confidence and like you for who you are.

Just to say that I've found my DS doesn't seem to pick up an accent from his class mates but from his teacher. He had a teacher when he first started school who pronounced after as arfter and he's stuck with it ever since (which I secretly love) but I have insisted that he says other things the way that I say them and tried to train him out of picking up a "common" accent.

All children pick up things when they start school - your friend and her mates are going to be truly horrified when the kids start bringing swears home!

She puts you and dd down bc she feels badly about herself. Tell dd that there are plenty of nicer girls.

I have had a similar experience with a couple of my girlfriends recently. One has come into an inheritance and another has married a hedge fund manager and they've both started to do their main shop at Fortnum and Mason while I am quite happy slumming it at Waitrose but the way they go on about it you'd think F&M were the be all and end all of food.

Bin them..they sound like utter cunts, and you amd your daughter can do much better than hanging round with the likes of them. I detest snobbery.

Next time you hear them criticising the school or the accents, just say' yes she will definitely pick up the accent so I suggest you must take her out if it bothers so much'. Try to get your DD when she's older to soften her accent. I know it's harsh but a really strong accent can be a hindrance. Say hello etc but make it be known that you are snubbing them because of their nasty judgmental comments.

It sounds like the Mum that came after you had no idea she had hurt your feelings. They perhaps don't have the poor opinion of you that you have of yourself. Of course it's rubbish to talk the way they did but their kids are new to school too and it's easy to get carried away when you're worried. It's not an excuse but it might explain the thoughtlessness a bit, if she's previously been nice.
And just for the record, Joules wellies have been excellent for keeping the feet dry, in my experience! Sounds like a sound buy, whatever the reason behind it:)

What complete and utter bitches! I am dreading the day when my DS finally goes to school and coming across people like this! And for her to say that to her DD about your DD. How spiteful! That has just shown you who this woman is and she is no friend of yours. 100% distance yourself from them

Accents change, I used to have a posh Welsh accent, which has now been tempered by a west country accent, DS2 had a west country accent with Welsh inflections BV which now has Mancunian tones. These people are not worth your time as you cannot judge what someone is like just by the way they talk. Perhaps you could explain snobbery to your daughter

I did speak to her today about what was upsetting me. She said that her concern is her DD's pronunciation of certain words I.e bath, path, grass etc and that she has started dropping T's. She said she doesn't care if I speak like that but doesn't want her DD speaking that way.

Regarding the issue with her DD 1 minute wanting to play with my DD and the next dropping her like a hot potato and telling her to go away - she said to me that this is quite normal for their age and they are just kids and I shouldn't be so sensitive about it.

You need to separate the two issues.

Her dd going hot and cold on your dd is normal for school girls. Hurtful yes. But still normal. It would be too much for many children to have one intense friendship all the time she maybe needs alone time too. Doesn't mean she likes your daughter any less. I had a similar issue with my dd. I decided to try to teach her it's ok to have multiple friends and even if someone doesn't want to play with her right at that moment they can still be friends. I figure it is a useful life lesson as girls go on and out of friendships all the time.

The second issue is the snobbery. I think everyone is entitled to wanting g their dc to speak however they prefer. But putting others down based on accent and racist comments are a big no. You should watch out as these traits and way of thinking will eventually pass to her dd and can lead to real hurt for your dd when they are older.

I don't like common accent because to be honest it makes the speaker sound uneducated. I am a foreigner and it is just harder to understand as well. But yes I know its a wrong assumption sometimes before I get flamed. But it is bloody rude of them to say it in front of you. They do sound like aspiration mummies who are trying to keep up with the Jones.

They sound terrible. I don't see this at all at my child's school, which is commuter belt surrounding NYC. My friends make anywhere from 100k to millions of dollars (common to send children to state school here, even when extremely wealthy) and everyone gets along just fine and dandy, with the odd deficient personality, which you get anywhere.

Oh dear

in my area we've got common accent, normal middle (which is me) and the posh one as the town I live in is surrounded by wealthy villages, everyone gets on with everyone tbh but you can tell the estate kids but everyone gets a chance, the thing with the school kids changing, every child changes when they go to school my daughter got awful attitude which I don't tolerate but she tries it on and I know which kids she gets it from but the parents all just say oo has yours got as much attitude as mine now and I'm like yep she's learning it from someone n we all just laugh it off were all in the same boat! I have been slagged off by one of the more common mums for "not inviting" her to talk to me but why would I invite someone into my conversation I walk into the play ground and talk to whoever is stood there sometimes I talk to noone but it made me laugh bless

You sound lovely, your school mum friends don't. I would just dump them and keep a very big distance.. Like others have said, your DD has just started school and she will make a load of new friends. And so will you, but with nice, genuine people. Honestly, these idiotic snobs are a waste of space.

CreamCol0uredP0nies I love that! I'm going to start using that one with a family member who keeps criticising my dds pronunciation of words (again, an accent thing!)