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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave this bitchy snobby mum's clique

198 replies

LurpackLover · 21/09/2017 11:05

I've name changed as the location might out me.

My DD has just started school. She has moved into reception with about 15 children who attended the school nursery so all the parents know each other quite well.

I've been friends with my DD's best friend's mum for about 2 years. I always knew she was abit snobby but when it's just us on our own she's great. We are total opposites - she is originally from a "posher" part of the country and I'm from the countryside. Our accents are totally different, she is a manager I work in a supermarket, she lives in a lovely house I live in a terraced 3 bed, her and her partner have quite abit of money, me and my partner scrape through.

This hasn't really become apparent or been a problem until the girls started school. She has started to make comments about her DD has started to come back speaking with the local accent and that she is annoyed and has told her daughter that we speak "properly and nicely". She has also said that her DD's behaviour has started to decline rapidly after starting school 3 weeks ago and this must be to do with the fact that it's a state school rather than private and she's clearly picking it up from other children at school.

We are friends with 3 other mums from the school who have the same views as my friend - they are all wealthy etc and they were all stood discussing it today, saying how they wish they could move their children to private schools as their children coming home and speaking "that way" disgusts them and its clearly because they are mixing with common children.

I came home and felt very sad. Partly because I don't know why these mums are friends with me because I'm supposedly everything that they hate and also that my DD is probably seen to them as "one of those kids" as she has the same accent as me!

My DD told me yesterday that her best friend told her that she didn't want to play with her anymore. I asked my friend about it and she said that her DD had said that my DD kept following her around and she had told her to go and tell a teacher if my DD kept following her after she had told her she didn't want to play with her anymore. I think that's really mean! I guess what I'm trying to say is that our views are totally different.

AIBU to just step away from this group? I don't know if I'm over reacting or not?

OP posts:
Original poster
LurpackLover · 21/09/2017 12:29

mummy I've got a Boden dress being delivered from eBay as we speak Blush

OP posts:
Ploppie4 · 21/09/2017 12:30

I think it's fine for your DD and the girl to play with other people and not eachother. Does your DD latch on and not give the girl any breathing space?

The poor behaviour will have everything to do with tiredness and adjusting to a totally new slightly more demanding environment.

The mums do sound rude though. I would be polite to them but make nicer less shallow and less judge friends

user1483981877 · 21/09/2017 12:30

Ha ha ha ha ha!!! I wish you were at our school, you sound fab! Just stop worrying about those biatches and go and find some like minded folk to stand with!

existentialmoment · 21/09/2017 12:31

You sound quite insecure and unsure of your own choices. They are allowed to have their own opinions on things you know, it doesn't make them "bitchy snobby or cliquey" (which says more about you than them, to be honest).

Nothing wrong with not wanting your kids to pick up a particular accent.

Original poster
LurpackLover · 21/09/2017 12:32

ploppie not at all, my DD has other friends there that she made when she was at nursery but this girl is her best friend. I think my DD finds it confusing to understand why her best friend can be all over her the one minute and then doesn't want to play with her the next - she's often said to me she doesn't understand what she had done wrong to her friend to make her not want to play with her

OP posts:
ChocoholicsAnonymous · 21/09/2017 12:36

Step away. They sound incredibly bitchy and snobby. Why don't they all p off to private school then. Cannot believe some people.

user1480267413 · 21/09/2017 12:36

I know I will be in the minority here and expect to be flamed. But ..... what on earth is wrong with a parent who loves their child and wants the best in life for them, and therefore wishes them to speak grammatically, clearly and use the Queen's English? The horrible example of many presenters and commentators mangling our language is prime evidence of sloppy education.

Serialweightwatcher · 21/09/2017 12:38

If you associate with anyone who is so up their own arse and snobby and changes with the climate, you need to leave them to get on with their pathetic little lives - you seem nice and down to earth and normal and need to associate with likeminded people who are real and honest and worthy of your friendship, not snotty, fake idiots

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 21/09/2017 12:38

No one needs racist snobs in their life

Step away ! They sound like cunts and karma will bite them mark my words

Allthebestnamesareused · 21/09/2017 12:38

Re accents I have an Irish friend married to an English man.

They have twin boys - one has an Irish accent and one an English one. I once commented you could see which parent held which twin when they were babies. She replied no you can tell which one listens to me and which one doesn't!

I have a normal (whatever that may be) to slight North London accent. Dh has a proper "what I call" public school accent as he went to private on a scholarship (Mum was a nurse/Dad a teacher).

Accents can be acquired and don't mean anything! More fool them if they think otherwise.

andbabymakesthree · 21/09/2017 12:39

Tell them to give their head a wobble. Hopefully the school will do a better job than them and show the children how to treat people with respect, compassion and dignity.

Tackle the playtime issue.

The parents need to realise they can't control every aspect of their child's life.

existentialmoment · 21/09/2017 12:39

I think my DD finds it confusing to understand why her best friend can be all over her the one minute and then doesn't want to play with her the next - she's often said to me she doesn't understand what she had done wrong to her friend to make her not want to play with her

surely you teach her that her friend can play with other people and is perfectly allowed to not play with your dd if she chooses not to? You think it's ok that your dd follows her around and pesters her to the point where her mother needs to advise her to tell a teacher? It's not your friend in the wrong on that one.

BlindAssassin1 · 21/09/2017 12:40

LOL, even before I saw you're in the West Country I felt that was coming. One of Ds's little friends (from a 'naice' house) 'corrected' my speech. Hmm Grin I don't even speak that broadly and mostly get accused of being posh!

I feel for your DD. I might encourage mine to seek wider friendship groups.
I'd also be inclined to ask the first bitchy mum when she intends to move her precious DC (lest the child has to mix with riff raff). She'll either squirm because she can't afford it and she's just mouthing off, or she'll give you a date and you can look forward to her being out of your way.

existentialmoment · 21/09/2017 12:42

Are people from the West Country an actual race?

Birdshitbridgegotme · 21/09/2017 12:45

Wow,i wouldn't be able to hold my tongue if they are saying that shit infront of me. I would ask if they were trying to have a dig at me or my child as we both speak like these 'common people"They are talking about and that i also went to said high school.i would then have to throw it in that they are plastic poshies... as in if they were really that posh they would be paying for their little dahhhlings to go to private school but then they obviously can't afford it! ....idiots. honestly u don't need friends like this and that littke girl is going to grow up thinking the same way so your daughter is better off not beinf friends with her daughter as she may end up being put down indirectly when hearing her friends views

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2017 12:47

I'm hardly posh but I do hate bad speech (dropped H, missing endings etc) but that is a world away from a local/regional accent.

i live to the East and I'm really sad that our proper country accents are dying now because of the spreading of Estuary English.

And west country accents are lovely and do not denote the 'poshness' or otherwise of the speaker. I bet there's some very wealthy farmers/landowners out there who don't all sound like they were educated at Eton.

Avoid them.

Original poster
LurpackLover · 21/09/2017 12:48

existential I shall ignore your comments as you are clearly not offering constructive advice you are trying to get a bite, which is not my style unfortunately for you.

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 21/09/2017 12:49

OP you need better friends in your inner circle.

Cliques do exist despite some folk insisting that they don't, they're pathological by nature. Unfortunately some adults don't grow up and grow out of them.

Baggage Reclaim is a good website on boundaries, in friendships and families as well as dating. Check it out.

Keep the Boden dress if you love it Wink

existentialmoment · 21/09/2017 12:50

You'll ignore me because I'm the only one not joining in calling them bitches and telling you how amazing you are. Hmm
Why bother with aibu at all?

Knittedfairy · 21/09/2017 12:51

Run away; these women should not be occupying any more headspace. One thing I would watch for; if Hyacinth's daughter doesn't want to play with your daughter at school, make sure that she's not used as an out-of-school playmate when no-one else is around.

pudcat · 21/09/2017 12:51

Perhaps existential is the best friends mother.

Original poster
LurpackLover · 21/09/2017 12:53

pud its crossed my mind, or is part of the group 🤔

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/09/2017 12:53

I would leave the group, they are not that wealthy if they cannot afford to send their children to private school. Encourage your dd to other friendships, clubs, things like that.

gillybeanz · 21/09/2017 12:54

I think once they get used to school and settle down, the mums not the kids Grin they'll shut their holes.
Just ignore the comments smile nicely, drop and pick up just on time so no time for chat.
I wouldn't make it obvious I was leaving their group or didn't like them as your dd will have to be friends with them and no doubt they'll be parties too.

cestlavielife · 21/09/2017 12:57

so they are people you hung out with because you have kids the same age?
that makes them more like work colleagues than "friends". you just happened to meet up due to the kids. they are not your true friends.
go find some new colleagues/friends with same age kids.
see who your dd gets on with at school, invite them round, get to know the parents.

over time you will meet and drop and be dropped from diff groups depending who your dd is friends with or does activities with. it's life.