Saw a dad hit their child on the school run. Do I report it?

[Moanyoldcow]

Please tell me if I'm over reacting. I'm extremely anti-corporal punishment, was not hit as a child and do not hit my son.

On the school run this morning there was a father and son who I see most mornings. They were a little late today and the boy was really agitated about it asking his dad to hurry. His dad was annoyed and kept saying they were very close (which is true) and to stop worrying.

The boy was obviously upset and pushed his dad. His dad responded by hitting him twice on the back of his head. It happened about 8ft in front of me.

I said (loudly but didn't shout) 'don't hit your child' twice. He turned to me and put his finger up to me like he was about to shout and I said again 'don't hit your child'. He was very angry but just said 'FINE' and we all finished the walk to school arriving about 1 min after the bell.

I know that parents can hit their children within limits so what he did wasn't illegal. I suppose I worry that if he'll do that in public, what does he do in private?

I would recognise him and the child so I could make a report - I just don't want to blow one incident out of proportion but if it's more I'd hate to ignore it.

What should I do?

I agree with PPs saying well done for shouting at him. You did it on the spur of the moment because you were horrified. Good - that's what he needs to be aware of - that this is a nasty thing to do and people don't approve. Also it's a good message for the little boy to hear - that people in general don't think this is acceptable.

I don't know the ins and outs of how illegal it is to hit a child on the head but it certainly should be as it's dangerous. I would be reporting it too as others have said. the school / SS are there to make those kinds of decisions.

It is completely unnecessary and unacceptable to hit children.

If you are resorting to this in the guise of parenting then you need to attend parenting classes.

Has anyone else noticed how much less aggressive children are nowadays that physical chastisement is not considered the norm?

Report him.

I'm extremely anti-corporal punishment, was not hit as a child and do not hit my son. completely irrelevant to the situation observed. Projection of personal preferences.

Did the child stagger, fall, cry? If not, then it was cuff.

This habitual report report report just makes a shit load of paperwork that everyone knows is a pointless waste of time.

If it has been a punch or a belt and a leathering, then report, but a cuff round the ear?

I didn't know that - never having smacked my child I wouldn't know! Which part of the law says this? can't quote the exact law but its basically open hand, soft part of the body, any mark should fade after a second or two, no implements. I delivered safeguarding training

Not sure it's worth arguing amongst ourselves over penggwyn. I assumed the op didn't know the man or boy by name & address. Could be wrong of course. Additionally the school will have a much clearer picture of the boy's home life.

She was actually asking if it was abuse or not, so clearly she's not sure either way. A bit of help there would be good.

In any case, I think we agree that she should be telling someone about this.

I'd speak to the school, check with the person in charge of safeguarding
we had an issue at our school, involving a dad with someone elses child, this did get escalated because it was found to not the be first time
Have courage, if I was the child I'd want a grown up to stand up to my bullying dad if I was too small to get him to stop

My son doesn't hit or punch or push anyone even when he is very upset and I have never hit him. He uses language to describe how he feels as do I.

I really really hope this thread isn't some sick attempt at stealth post op. If you think that children only hit because their parents hit them, well that is a lot of offensive and inflammatory shite.

yes if this boy was an aggressive little shit and shoved his dad.then there is a big difference between a dad cuffing him and hitting.youve said hit and this is a very very abusive(terms) words.so was it a slap up the top of his head in response to his son clearly being aggressive.youd have to no how the boy shoved his dad.
I don't condone any form of violence but in terms of different parenting I'm not sure we should all be calling this dad an abuser.there is a very very big difference.huge.
some people whether you agree or not scuff or lap at the kiddies.its not abuse.so you have to no the difference.and only you can get the angle and emotions of the scene.

but isn't it a matter of personal opinion?
No its a matter of law

Uurgh. The namby pamby brigade. yeah all these soft hearts not wanting to see a grown man physically hitting a small child. How terrible of them. Its not ok for the son to push his Dad but the sheer power and size imbalance is reason enough to not escalate the physical contact

A particular response to @Huskylover1. 'Little Jonny' learned to push from somewhere. My son doesn't hit or punch or push anyone even when he is very upset and I have never hit him

Err OK.. I have two kids, and the eldest (who has never been hit by us - he's a pretty reasonable kid in general) is a master of the sneaky elbow to his little brother's torso when said little brother won't stop lounging on him. We don't tolerate that either - but yes, funnily enough, kids can figure out how to hit and push without it being demonstrated! The little one is fantastic at lying on his big brother such that his big brother has great difficulty getting up - again, no wrestling training going on - he just figured it out for himself.

If you've come to the internet to ask then I assume you've already decided to report but you're having a wobble, you clearly think you should so do it.

I would personally pop into the school office and speak to them about it quietly. We obviously don't know if the school already have concerns about the little boy's wellbeing, but if they do, then this information is relevant. It may just be that the dad has had an incredibly stressful morning and snapped. We've all found ourselves 'close to the edge' with our kids at one time or another. Do I condone what he did? Absolutely not. Would I ever smack my child across the head? Absolutely not. But we are all human and we do make mistakes in the heat of the moment that we later deeply regret. That could be the case here. We don't know.

Pass the concern to the school, OP. Whatever the case, you'll have done your best to protect this little one. If it turns out the dad does need some support, your actions may go a ways to helping him get just that.

If it has been a punch or a belt and a leathering, then report, but a cuff round the ear?

A cuff around the ear is acceptable is it, DarceyBussellsnose?

My DD has shoved and hit me. She's very highly strung, easily overwhelmed, possibly on the spectrum going by family history, and has been through a lot of upheaval recently.

I do NOT hit back. The worst I have done is pull or push her, not in a punishment way but to get her to move when necessary. When I'done that in anger I feel awful about it and apologise.

That's not a stealth boast, I don't have a perfect child and I'm not above getting wound up. But I just see hitting someone smaller than me, who loves and trusts me, as a really bad thing to do, to the point that I try very hard not to and have so far managed not to, even in extremis when I have just been hit myself. It IS possible and if this dad reacts to being pushed by a small child by hitting their head, he could do with some classes to help him with ways of staying calm and using other methods of dealing with challenging behaviour. I don't say that in a snide way, I've been on those courses and they help.

Its legal to smack children but within limits - dangerous behaviour eg. Blows to the head, causing bruising/injuries or using an implement should always be reported.

m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/uk_59931dd4e4b04b1933608a50/amp

is a master of the sneaky elbow to his little brother's torso when said little brother won't stop lounging on him

Yes and my five DC have all spent their childhoods trying to kill each other but not one of them (aside from DS with SN) would dream of hitting or pushing me or OH.

They, and your DC, have learned from each other that hitting siblings happens. They learn from us that hitting adults and adults hitting them is not ok. Hopefully they go on to understand the hitting each other is also unacceptable as they mature.

They won't grow out of it if they have aggressive adults to model their behaviour on.

@MrsMHalt - I promise you that this isn't a stealth boast - I'm pretty fucking far from being a perfect parent - my response was directed at a PP who was extremely patronising.

I absolutely don't think that - my son is still young, who knows how he will deal with his anger and emotions as he gets older - all I know is I won't deal with him being violent by being violent back. All I was saying was that you don't have to discipline your children by hitting them - there are other choices, which I have made.