Saw a dad hit their child on the school run. Do I report it?

[Moanyoldcow]

Please tell me if I'm over reacting. I'm extremely anti-corporal punishment, was not hit as a child and do not hit my son.

On the school run this morning there was a father and son who I see most mornings. They were a little late today and the boy was really agitated about it asking his dad to hurry. His dad was annoyed and kept saying they were very close (which is true) and to stop worrying.

The boy was obviously upset and pushed his dad. His dad responded by hitting him twice on the back of his head. It happened about 8ft in front of me.

I said (loudly but didn't shout) 'don't hit your child' twice. He turned to me and put his finger up to me like he was about to shout and I said again 'don't hit your child'. He was very angry but just said 'FINE' and we all finished the walk to school arriving about 1 min after the bell.

I know that parents can hit their children within limits so what he did wasn't illegal. I suppose I worry that if he'll do that in public, what does he do in private?

I would recognise him and the child so I could make a report - I just don't want to blow one incident out of proportion but if it's more I'd hate to ignore it.

What should I do?

www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationnews/9106818/Children-with-negative-parents-twice-as-likely-to-misbehave.html

This make interesting reading too.

Behaviour breeds behaviour.

That may be sometimes be true, but I'll say it again - I've never hit my DD, but she's hit me. Never hit my cat either but if someone annoys her she'll lash out. DD hits because she is overwhelmed by anger and frustration and lashes out in a basic and animalistic way. She needs to learn to control herself and I'm working very hard on that. But both my own inclinations, and all the expert advice I've ever accessed, say that hitting her isn't the best way, so I don't.

Report to the safeguarding officer rather than to SS. They will take it from there.

I've had DD1 hit me; on one occasion she hit me on the way home from school. One of her TAs saw this and told her off severely. At the time I didn't appreciate it as I could and regularly do handle it, she has anger issues related to being adopted.

Anyway, this TA reported it to her class teacher and he called me the following day, as well as speaking to DD. It was good in hindsight as she never exhibited this behaviour in school so it helped us to get the help she needed.

If you report to SS, the boy's dad will know it came from you.

If you saw a man hitting a woman in the street would you not be allowed to say anything because that woman belongs to him and he can chastise her?

I've intervened - and never again - I got a right mouthful from the woman, who was being slapped about, and threatened with physical violence by her. I can only assume she enjoyed brawling in the street. Mind you they were both drunk. This want some seedy little arrea either, it was a very nice part of London after the wine bars closed.

penggwyn what a ridiculous thing to say. What we accept about the laws of physics, evolution, archaeological interpretation and therefore much of history is based on theory too so perhaps we ought to just forget about human civilization altogether.

I have now spoken with the school - thank you for your advice.

To the posters asking why I posted here if I think I'm right: I was shocked, upset and confused. I wanted to gauge general opinion before making contact with the school.

It's not a stealth boast - I'm just upset. The reason I posted about not using physical punishment is because I know that I would see it all as unreasonable and therefore needed outside perspective.

The vast majority agree with a report which I have made.

People are less sure about whether I should have said something. But I did and there's nothing I can do about that as it was after the fact. All I will say is that I wasn't aggressive and I didn't shout. I was assertive and clear but if there was any 'tone' it would've been shock, as I was very shocked

Thank you for (most of!) the replies.

I'm astonished at some of the replies here. Minimising language such as 'clip' and (ugh) 'tap'? Criticism of the OP for 'telling another adult what to do'? Implication that the boy deserved it for pushing his dad? FFS. The 1970s called. They want you lot back.

OP, I, for one, think you were right to be shocked and you would be right to pass on your concerns.

I think you've done the right thing OP.

Seeing people on here justifying hitting kids makes my stomach turn. The sooner the law is tightened up on this the better as far as I'm concerned

Unfortunately "repercussions" aren't always successful.
I taught in a couple of school where it was normal for children to be running in and out of class at will, and I have to say there is very little that works with one of my children. I started out not thinking that smacking was right, but I really have to say that childrens behaviour is not good in a lot of places I go and I do question that belief. not smacking actually translates to no behaviour management at all in a lot of cases.

I find it equal measures sickening and pathetic that there are so many posts along the lines of it wasn't OPs business, she shouldn't have told another adult what to do.

Those posters, I hope you aren't ever assaulted in the street, I wouldn't be able to tell another adult to stop assaulting you.

OP please report to the school and SS asap!!!

Pengggwn I don't want to argue with you for the sake of it. But dismissing the results of a properly conducted study as 'opinion' is frankly beneath your obvious intelligence.

The need for intervention into a child's home life is not black and white issue. If it were, it'd be a hell of a lot easier to prevent and stop child abuse.

Op you have done the right thing. Whether it is illegal or not in my view is utterly irrelevant. Safeguarding is rarely straight forward, it is in many cases a jigsaw of incidents that may seem minor but can paint a picture of a child's life.
I had a similar incident to Mrs DV, when I intervened with regard to a woman being shaken by a man on the side of the road. I didn't post about it but I talked about it with friends and it wasnt a stealth boast, I needed to try and sort it out in my own head.

Well done OP.

Smacking is disgusting and I'm shocked by so many apologists on here. I hope it is banned.

Those posters, I hope you aren't ever assaulted in the street, I wouldn't be able to tell another adult to stop assaulting you.

But the op reads as though the incident was an action and a reaction that was over before she spoke? Not that her words somehow stopped the incident mid flow.

If her intervention did that then very good indeed.

But if her words were indeed either a shocked reaction to an event that had started and finished, or even worse, they hit the pause button on an incident that will resume later with even more rage... who were her words really for then?

I'm torn on this and I won't apologise for it. I've already said upthread that I personally disagree with corporal punishment but I also disagree with the state getting over involved in day to day parenting issues.

Im not averse to delivering a bit of clip round the back of the head when my oldest is being a knob (in a jokey "eh kiddo, don't be a knob tool, stop sassing me") but what you describe sounds pretty bad.

I wouldn't have been confrontational at the time though and would have just quietly reported, chances are the Dad will connect you to the report and he may take it out on the kid even more. May even tell his kid who reported him and if the kid does suffer even more he could in turn take it out on your DC.

How old was the boy, OP?

www3.hants.gov.uk/chastisement-and-punishment

Personally I think it would be acceptable to physically restrict a child who is pushing someone, but hitting isn't helpful, in a 2 wrongs don't make a right way.

If parents do wish to smack their child it certainly shouldn't be on the head.

Well done for saying something OP, and for reporting it to the school. You would also be justified to report it yourself directly to social services (and can do so anonymously). They will take it seriously - hitting a child on the head is not acceptable.

@Schtinkay - the boy was about 9.

For those saying there may be repercussions for my having spoken out: I'm willing to deal with those should they arise.

If he's they type to seek revenge then it sounds like he's a nasty bully who needs to be stopped and if there's some very small part I played then that's a good thing.

He is significantly older than my son and they are in completely different areas of the school and therefore the boy and my son have no contact at all. Even if this were not the case I would still have done the same thing and dealt with the matter if he came after him in the playground.

I can't really report to SS as I have no idea of the name of the boy or the father - just a description.