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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Saw a dad hit their child on the school run. Do I report it?

323 replies

Moanyoldcow · 21/09/2017 09:06

Please tell me if I'm over reacting. I'm extremely anti-corporal punishment, was not hit as a child and do not hit my son.

On the school run this morning there was a father and son who I see most mornings. They were a little late today and the boy was really agitated about it asking his dad to hurry. His dad was annoyed and kept saying they were very close (which is true) and to stop worrying.

The boy was obviously upset and pushed his dad. His dad responded by hitting him twice on the back of his head. It happened about 8ft in front of me.

I said (loudly but didn't shout) 'don't hit your child' twice. He turned to me and put his finger up to me like he was about to shout and I said again 'don't hit your child'. He was very angry but just said 'FINE' and we all finished the walk to school arriving about 1 min after the bell.

I know that parents can hit their children within limits so what he did wasn't illegal. I suppose I worry that if he'll do that in public, what does he do in private?

I would recognise him and the child so I could make a report - I just don't want to blow one incident out of proportion but if it's more I'd hate to ignore it.

What should I do?

OP posts:

Lozen · 21/09/2017 21:08

No she's not howling now, she poured herself a glass of wine and shaking her head. You can believe what you want, it doesn't make it true.

Erm what's weird about my responses?

It's getting a bit late, shouldn't you be checking on your children instead of bitching on an Internet forum? Hardly a good example is it.

Seeyamonday · 21/09/2017 21:08

Mittens1969

And anyone who admits to ever having smacked (or hit) their DCs must by definition be a bad parent. Never mind how well those DCs have turned out.

Someone who speaks sense at last!!!

rightnowimpissed · 21/09/2017 21:11

TBH it is none of your business, he wasn't abusing the boy and you don't know the family situation so stay well clear, besides if you do report it then social services will be out and say he was reported and he'll probably know straight away it was you and he might confront you.

Lozen · 21/09/2017 21:24

Yes your right Mittens and the sad thing is that they can't see it when they're the ones picking on someone. They're so convinced their right that anything goes but if someone retaliates they're the one in the wrong. So apparently I'm a bad parent, haven't taught my child road safety and what was all that crap about her being 3 and picking on my diction.

The daft thing about this is that I actually said that if the OP thinks there's work lem she should report it.

Lozen · 21/09/2017 21:26

I meant a problem.
Tired now.

Sallystyle · 21/09/2017 21:30

How fucking odd Lozen

I worry about you.

DamnFineCherryPie · 21/09/2017 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SatelliteCity · 21/09/2017 21:49

Mittens - by that logic any abused child who overcomes their tough start and "turns out well" can't really have been abused.

Like to be clear even though I disagree with smacking, I do not think any parent who has ever smacked their kid is a terrible, abusive monster.

But I do think kids sometimes turn out well in spite of poor parenting choices (whether sustained and habitually abusive or rare and transitory).

TrustingTrudie · 21/09/2017 21:59

Um because you said she was " far away from being 3 " ?
So she was either a baby or a school aged child - which was it?

Lozen · 21/09/2017 22:24

We're going round and round in circles. Get your claws into someone else. You've made it clear, I need parenting classes, should have bribed my child, if she didn't listen to me I'm a bad parent, I can't spell, I'm odd, you can say what you like about me but I can't retalitate, she doesn't agree with what you say now dd is an adult buts let's ignore that. It goes on and on relentlessly.

MistressPage · 21/09/2017 22:30

It's getting a bit late, shouldn't you be checking on your children instead of bitching on an Internet forum? Hardly a good example is it.

Probably not as bad an example as slapping our children about though.

HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit · 21/09/2017 22:53

I think you did the right thing saying something Op.

A few weeks ago I witnessed a woman slap her 3 or 4 year old daughter's face as I was leaving a supermarket. I wish I'd said something at the time (or even said something to customer services) but I didn't and now it's too late.

Lozen · 21/09/2017 22:57

Not interested any more, go and stir your cauldron. I won't be checking this thread so bitch between yourselves.

TiesThatBindMe · 21/09/2017 23:00

I would report him in a second. But alas, I don't think corporal punishment features high on the list if everything else is in order. So sad.

Headofthehive55 · 21/09/2017 23:20

I think there are degrees of harm.
One incident is unlikely to be so damaging that it needs a full on response, child removed etc.
There is a difference between ideal, not ideal and dangerous.

kittybiscuits · 22/09/2017 06:22

Hitting a child in the head is very dangerous. You have literally no idea if this was a one-off event or a regular occurrence. It's concerning that the man lacked self-control to such an extent that he lashed out like this in public.

Headofthehive55 · 22/09/2017 07:44

did it cause immediate injury? Needing treatment?

Many children have less than ideal parenting through lack of money, skills, live in damp houses (equally harmful to health) neglected, living with parents who smoke or are fat or uneducated themselves.
If the ultimate aim is to make life better for the child I'm not convinced that approaching the parent in this way will help.

The ultimate alternative? A children's home? Foster care? There's are nt steeped in success either.

Headofthehive55 · 22/09/2017 07:46

No everyone kitty regards a smack as something to be hidden as not everyone believes it's wrong.
So saying that he did it in public is irrelevant.

Mittens1969 · 22/09/2017 07:58

@kittybiscuits, I quite agree with you. Hitting a child on the head twice like the OP said is dangerous. It's also illegal, so the OP was right to report it to the school. I wouldn't recommend reporting a smack on the hand, bottom or legs.

In that situation I would mind my own business as it is legal, whether you agree or not.

Headofthehive55 · 22/09/2017 08:09

Reporting it to school is ok. Shouting at the parent is ineffective and could be harmful.

I should hope that you would mind your own business mittens if you saw a parent smack on the bottom.

Mittens1969 · 22/09/2017 08:35

Of course I would, it's perfectly legitimate as I said. And people I know very well to be good parents do it. But hitting on the head in retaliation twice is entirely different.

OnlyGodKnowsWhy · 22/09/2017 08:38

Op. The father of my children was found guilty of assault on my son this year. He pushed my son hard enough for him to fall backward and hit his head off the floor.

If that was 'just a push' then hitting your child around the head is most definitely assault. Report it.

TrustingTrudie · 23/09/2017 20:18

Sorry to hear that above OP and I hope your son is okay

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