To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

Wolfie, I give a lot to my friends, and I would do everything I could to help a friend who is struggling. But I know that she isn't having any particular issues, this is just her daily life. I think the summer break and the return of the moaning has just hit me.

I meant to say, it's crass to tell a full time working single mum how tired you are, when you are a SAHM, with a husband who takes the school to kids in the morning and cooks.

No one says she can't be tired. Just don't moan to someone worse off than you.

KickAss. Oh. Now you've just made it worse...I have her kids for tea regularly. She's never once had mine.

First. World. Problems.

Be thankful. Do the dishes to do the dishes - its easier.

Yes coffee. I did start off saying it's all relative. And by all means even tell me you're tired. But don't make out you have the hardest life in the world. And maybe ask if I'm ok or tired or something?

YANBU
I can't imagine how hard that must be and we had 3 dc.
To have to do everything on your own must be tough and I can see why you'd think others with so much free time and not much to worry about are taking the piss with their comments.
Do you not have any help?

I totally get where you are coming from OP. I think single parents (and I'm one myself) have for the most part 100% of the responsibility for everything from doctors appointments to the bins to the MOT on the car. Having all that responsibility is exhausting. Working as well adds another layer of pressure. People's circumstances are very different. Some people have considerable support from partners/ family/ friends whether that be financial/ emotional or practical help with kids etc. Some have nothing.
I do struggle not to judge friends at times as well. One in particular struggles to manage a baby of 1 and a 4 year old who's at school. She doesn't work. Husband works from home flexibly. Family close by and very helpful. Financially very comfortable. I have told her my situation ( 3 kids and one has special needs, working part time) but I don't think she really gets it and why should she as it's a completely different scenario.
If her husband has to go away for a night occasionally for work she gets in a flap! 🙄

I was tired much of the time I think it was the slow pace and boredom

I agree with this. I think being busy can actually be good for your mental health sometimes. I often find I'm less tired when actually busy and more tired when I'm not.

'I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.'

I couldn't do this. I would just have a nervous breakdown.

Sylvia. I'm doing a lot of decorating and DIY atm too!! Hopefully I won't just break!!

No you win, your life sounds like torture to me.

Never getting a rest or any down time. Fuck that. Poor you.

You must want to kill people who have time to read a book or watch the odd tv program but still complain about tiredness. Bastards.

YABU very. Everyone's tiredness is relative. I have an underactive thyroid. I can be exhausted and have done very little. Do I need to have a mental tiredness comparison chart installed in my head before I tell you, hey, I'm feeling tired today? How weird. First I'm giving in a long time.

You dont have a monopoly on tired. Get over yourself.

Im at home, I'm married with a school age dd and I've been guilty of saying I'm knackered for a while, not texting people to announce I'm tired but if say dh says let's go to cinema, or best friend asks if I fancy night out, I'll say not tonight and If I'm pushed to give reason I'll say because I'm shattered and don't feel up to it. I don't mention it unless I'm asked though so no texting my friend all day long.

In my defence, I was unwell with pneumonia at start of year and have been backwards and forwards to docs and hospital since due to various probs and only left home to pop to shops for milk and that would be a real struggle sometimes.. last week I was diagnosed with a chronic lung condition and fatigue is a symptom, doctors are trying to find right combo of meds but it takes time.

I'm conscious of how me saying I'm shattered may come across though, when dh comes in from his very physical job and asks how I am I've felt like lying and say I'm fine, but I know that when he asks, he wants the truth, my lung condition will get worse and worse and he said I shouldn't lie because he cares and wants to know if I'm getting worse, I can't make my body to physically pretend it's not tired as I'll be out of breath and need to sit down halfway up the stairs on a bad day so he'd notice anyway. I also used to lie and say I was fine to my best friend because she had so so much on her plate and I didn't want her to think I was taking the piss but she could see by looking at me how tired and suggested something might be wrong.

Other than dh, bestfriend and close family nobody knows about my lung condition, I don't say I'm tired or complain to people but if I'm asked how I've slept or how I'm feeling by the people close enough to me to know my medical info, I'll tell them if I'm struggling, I'm now worried Mums in the playground have probably heard me telling best friend how tired I've been when we've been chatting and will be judging me.

I know most of them to say hello to and talk about dc but not well enough to discuss medical appointments and diagnoses etc so they'll just see me as a woman who is at home all day with dc at school who shouldn't be tired. I've said to DH I'm worried about looking like a cheeky twat to people who work hard and he reckons people who I'm close to know the truth and are concerned and worried for my health, people in playground and whatever will be too busy with their own lives to have time to judge me, maybe he was wrong.

And agree with woofie re puppies, we'd gotten one just before I got ill. My best friend helps me when I'm having really bad day, she will take my puppy for longer walks wity her two dogs if I can't manage too far, she will look after pup when I'm at hospital too. I never ask her to help with puppy, she insists when I look like shit and says it's no bother to pick my pup up on the way out with her dogs but I'm always worried she will feel taken advantage of. I hope she truly doesn't mind as I'd hate to make her life harder or for her to think I'm taking the piss :(

Yeah, if you bothered to work, you could afford the 10 quid bottle of wine too. Goddamnit.

I very much doubt I'd complain to a single mum of 3 how tired I am. But if we were friends I might say 'I'm tired, I've been doing xyz...how are you?' And then talk about your tiredness.

They'll always be someone more tired than you.

At the moment, life is hard. I work full time from home, home educate my middle child, my toddler is still BF and regularly up at night, and teenager is starting gcse years. I don't have any family support network. But I do have a DH who is there to share the load.

Rant away though. I do get it. Not everyone knows what goes on behind closed doors though. A lady I knew had the life of Riley it would seem. Very rich husband, no kids, no job, did whatever she wanted to do. But she had MS. And no one knew till it got really bad.

Doing an amazing job OP 👏🏼👍🏼

It's not a competition. She's tired. Your tired. Pretty much everybody in this day and age is tired. People assume I'm fine. No kids. No major responsibilities as such. However, I'm shattered. I'm a teacher and people assume 9-3. I get up at 5.10am daily. Get home about 6pm, make tea and then work until 9/10pm. I'm exhausted dailt purely from working about a 70 hour week. Everbody has something that grinds them down and makes them knackered.

*you're

I think this is unfair. Single mums berating married women.

And the pp who said ' you chose' is actually partly right.

It's all about choices.

She chose a good man and chooses to remain married. Presumably she had very good skills at picking a man who had potential to be a good father and husband. And presumably she continues to chose to work at her marriage?

She chose to have 2dc. She could have had none, or 5, or 10 choices.

She's had 3 holidays since May. And?

You chose to have 3dc.
With a man whom you are now presumably separated from. Maybe you weren't such a good judge of character? Would you chose him again.

Sometimes bad things happen for no apparent reason. Sometimes someone's husband dies and she is left as a single parent. We all have sympathy and understanding.

But other times, we need to be held responsible for the choices we've made. Maybe we shouldn't have had kids with that idiot of a man. Why couldn't we see what a knob he was?

You chose your job or career. Most of us could have made different choices. She doesn't need to work. Presumably her Dh earns enough. Good for her!!

Some of your criticisms of her are unfair.
She could equally be crucial of some of your choices.

I was actually less tired as a single working parent than with a partner as I had my own routines, meal plans and ran the house exactly as I wanted

I'm not saying your life is not tiring but autonomy is undervalued

If your friend really sent that text it is inconsiderate, yes, but she sent it because she thought she could confide in you as a friend and yet here you are

Choices etc aside, it is basic politeness / friendship to also ask how the other person is. Friend sounds self absorbed - as single/married/SAHP/WoHP could all be.

Blimey, your moany friend sounds unusually lucky. It's hard for a reasonable person not to think YABU, with all the help, holidays and money

But maybe she's got something going on you don't know about

Yanbu.
It's all what someone's used to. If she's had to do 2 chores more than usual on thay day she'd going to feel exhausted if she's that sort of whiny 'I'm soooo tired and busy' person (which it seems like she is, I mean who sends texts to people purely to mope about their nice life?)

She's made her choice. I still think it's quite inconsiderate for someone who is at home all day with kids at scho to be complaining to someone who is genuinely rushed off their feet trying to juggle everything.