To be pissed off with marrieds who don't work complaining they are tired?!

[sloeginforever]

I know everything is relative and everyone has their own problems...but I am sick of hearing mums of school age children, who have partners, who don't work, complaining they are tired and have so much to do!

I am a single mum, I work full time. I get up at 5:30, deliver three children to different schools about ten miles in total, then drive to work, work a full day, collect same children, go home, cook everyday, clean the house, wash all the clothes.

I've got one friend in particular who is a stay at home mum. She texts me all day moaning about how tired she is, since they went back to school there is just so much to do, and getting it all clean before they get home is soooo hard. She's so stressed by it all. Her husband works, takes the children to school, cooks...

I have absolutely no issues with life choices as a stay at home mum. I'm not jealous and I don't have issues with them not being in full time work or anything. But just stop telling me how hard your bloody life is!!

And don't even start me on the married, childless woman at work who just got a dog and is soooo exhausted.

Rant over.

I'm a stay at home mum, married, whose 2 DDs are in school; I don't do paid work but I do work for a Christian charity. However, I wouldn't have the cheek to complain to someone like you who is a single mum and works full-time.

I also have 4 cats but I wouldn't dream of complaining that they tire me out lol.

Also it's perfectly possible for a sahp to work harder than a wohp.
Scenario 1. Sahp. Beautiful spotless mansion, home cooked from scratch food, dc doing 1000 activities. Potential for umpteen hours a day work.
Scenario 2. Wohp. Easy office job. Lives in one bed roomed shit tip. Junk take away food. No activities. Potentially very few hours work a day.
And everything in between.
My point is, working doesn't automatically mean you're working harder than a sahp. All depends dunnit.

My DD1 does have particular needs though. It's emotionally draining more than physically so. So I am shattered at times.

But no time to text? Nah!

Feel free to judge others. Once you've walked a week in their shoes.

I don't think OP would be judging if people weren't so crass as to compare the life of a SAHM to a full time working single mum.

Sooo apart from the mansion and the working part, I'm closer to scenario one and she's closer to scenario two.

Now I do sound like a bitch.

Gardengeek, I'm not saying people don't get tired for a million and one reasons. Just don't complain about it constantly to me, without a seconds thought for how shit my day/week/life is...

I think she may well be getting one of the suggested replies if she carries on.

YANBU

wolfie

Omg utterly gorgeous and am
Broody now for another dog. Mind my little one would fit in her paw

Then yanbu op. I know this always gets thrown about on mn - but is she ok? Depressed?

No, you sound like someone who has their shit together and she doesn't, which could be for a variety of completely reasonable reasons, but still doesn't meant that she should be dumping on you. Unless there's a massive 'oh yes she's also disabled and has MH problems' drip feed you're missing, I still think that even though she feels knackered she shouldn't be dumping that on you.

We are actually really close (surprisingly, and maybe not for much longer)...there are no hidden issues of mental health, illness, marriage problems, finances...

Yanbu and I say that as a sahm with a working partner and a ds in 15 hours of school nursery. I have a friend who is a working single mum and her life is categorically harder than mine.

I might feel tired but it's certainly not something I would complain about to her because she is almost certainly far more tired than I am!

I consider myself incredibly lucky to be in my position, even if it is only because going back to work would either leave us worse off or breaking even.

I get to spend time with my son, get the drudgery out of the way while he's in school and relax in the evening with dp. He's also there to pick up the slack if I get sick.

For your own sanity, reply saying you're knackered too and list why. If she doesn't acknowledge that it sounds tough then she's an arse.

Coffee. Actually the OP doesn't say this person is comparing their life to hers. Just that this person has said they are tired. Are only working single parents allowed to be tired? Perhaps this person is struggling for some reason and just wants a friend to confide in. It clearly isn't the OP.

some people are drains and some radiators.

Some suck the life out of you by moaning and others radiate warmth and support.

You want radiators around you
Op.

YANBU. You're doing an amazing job for you. Your friend is being insensitive. But she probably just thinks you're superwoman and doesn't realise how insensitive she's being.

Op I'm in your shoes. Single parent work 50 hrs per week, 2dcs, one v young (3) and no family help or help from exdp. It's mind blowing listening to some women get stressed about doing groceries or school admin. They actually sound like children and it's always the ones who are the least busy who appear to be on the precipice of a meltdown.

What I've found is that most people's stress or coping thresholds are where they are at the moment. You cope with what you're given and for most people that's all they can cope with. So everybody feels they are working very hard and at the maximum they can cope with.

Thus there's no point comparing or flagging up the realities of their life. Everyone is pretty blind by their own relativism. It's sad but I think people really only understand when they experience it /life as a single working parent themselves.

has a husband earning a good wage, a husband who does half the running round,
Some men are just mugs.

She sounds self absorbed, spoiled, and insensitive. Let me guess, if the shoe were on the other foot she'd get her panties in a big wad.
Had quite a few friends like that, it doesn't get better

I hate the radiator and drain thing. So if a friend needs some support they are a drain. Friends must radiate joy and positivity at all times? Really?

I think it's all relative, but in saying that some people just strive on sympathy and victimising themselves, and have no concept of how much easier they have it than the person they're moaning too.
I once worked abroad with a friend- we worked in the same role, same company, same hours, 6 days a week. But I also had a second job cleaning a few hours every morning and evening (before and after the main job). She would still insist on telling me everyday how tired she was even when I'd be up hours before her and home hours after her. Drove me mad, but I think it says more about the person themselves

I spent some time looking for work ds was at school

I was tired much of the time I think it was the slow pace and boredom

I am tired in a different way im a sp working ft I wouldn't go back to not working even if I could afford it

See, If you were my friend, and our kids got on, I'd offer to take them out for a while at the weekend to give you a break.

There are always people who only see their own problems, and never other people's. You can't change them. Either brush off their selfish attitude, or step away.

Is she one or those friends that think you are superwoman and find it easy to have a life like yours? Therefore you don't need anyone to listen to you, because you are so capable etc.

I have a few acquaintances who think like that. They tell me they don't know how I do it, they would be exhausted doing everything I do.

Note I don't call them friends. My real friends tell me I'm doing a great job (and not in a patronising way) and are there to support me on the rare occasions I need it, just as I am there to support them.