New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

[Rejectedwoman]

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

He wants a message waiting for him? Fuck that, you're not his court jester.

^ this. Definite warning signs of him being controlling OP.

But even if he isn't, at best he sounds needy and irritating.

I think I'd drop him if I were you.

Tbh op I would message him, or meet up and end it. Like others have said, he sounds at worse, controlling, it best, needy and insecure. You are only just over a month in your relationship and he is like this, I dread to think a year or two down the line.

When I met dh I remember he brought me something every Saturday for a few weeks. We only saw each other at weekends with the odd mid week meet. Bunch of flowers, a small Body Shop basket, some chocolate. Nothing mega expensive but thoughtful and a real treat all the same. He rang when he said he would. Was kind and thoughtful and exclusive from the get go. Now together 21 years, married for 18. Sometimes men really are decent. Sometimes they even show their feelings and want the same things as you.

Weird and creepy, I'd ghost him.

His instructions to leave him messages would warn me off. And doesn't he realise those messages would mean nothing if he's had to tell you to write them?

But why are you interested in someone so much older? Surely you can see the potential for problems in a few years' time? I know some women on here are in that position but this guy... you're not that into him, alarm bells are ringing... why bother with him?

But the whole sad face thing isnt nice!!!

I'm sorry op but I couldn't stomach that. That neediness, desperatemess and clingyness would suffocate me. I'm sure he's lovely, and very decent, but that just makes me cringe.

I doubt it is sinister, it's what it says on the tin, desperate, but fuck, I couldn't fancy it in a month of Sundays.

Yes, it does sound controlling. And anyway, I don't think the OP is that interested in this man. For that reason alone, why bother?

I've read your later posts and actually, even if he is a decent bloke with less than great relationship coues, if he makes you feel hmm then that's enough to finish things.

strong that's different. This man is expecting her to message him 3 times a day, and demanding why, if she does not. The whole sad face emoji, no no no. There is one thing, showing your feelings and wearing your heart on your sleeve, the other, to be needy, controlling and insecure.

Its abit hmm, that his happiness is centred around op being happy. Well then if he cared for her happiness he would back right off and stop this silliness.

I think it's possibly a little full on considering you aren't intimate yet. The morning and evening texts are nice - my chap and I did this in the 2 weeks before we had our first date and we still do it a year on. It's a way of keeping continuity. Beyond that I can't really advise because despite saying to myself I wouldn't, I got intimate with my guy on our first date, so things intensified quickly for us. Adopt a wait and see approach x

Oh wait, sad face emoji when no text?! No. It's a big no.

Run for the hills is my feeling. He sounds far too desperate and over the top.

This bloke is expecting it off her too, which op from what I gather, does not feel the same, along with the sad face emoji.

My DH is still as you describe after 19yrs and I like it but if the attention is too much just ask him to slow down a bit. Especially as you are understandably wary anyway. I'm sure he'd rather you be honest than run a mile as he obviously likes you :) He sounds lovely to me 🌸

I do really like him . We have lots of common shared interests. Talk and get along well. Conversation flows, I am usually someone who is a real worrier and over thinks things and when I am in his company I feel very calm and chilled and relaxed. The intimacy thing is really down to the last man who used me as a bit of narc supply which is why I won't give myself away so easily this time round. It's really been since Saturday with the content of some messages which has got me thinking a bit more . Definitely some food for thought in these posts

His behaviour is deeply unattractive.

If you haven't gone off him now, you will soon. He will irritate you more and more.

These needy types only get worse. And thus less attractive as every day passes.

The screensaver alone would have had me running for the hills and never looking back

If you like him, sit down and have a frank and honest talk to him. Tell him that the texts are too much, you will text or message him when you feel like it. That him communicating too much and expecting the same, is putting you off, then see how you go.

I was ready to say give him a chance but the text messages have made me change my mind. He's controlling at the very least. God knows what else he is, but I would not want to find out.

He's showing you who is is. Please listen.

Common interests doesn't equal common values. He's showing he doesn't value your boundaries, your time (how dare you be at work and not providing him emotional gratification) or your independence.

Seriously, think of it a year down the line - you want a night out with friends. He wants you to text him whilst you're out because he'll be 'lonely' without you. You're catching up at the bar, phone pings - sadface, sadface, sadface, "Are you sure you're not having a good time with another man? Send me a selfie please!"

He's clingy, needy and overbearing already. He's already sulking when you don't text. How long until he becomes possessive and controlling? About another month max. I'd get out of this quick.

I just wondered, do u feel an actual spark there anyway?

I'd find that texting all a bit much unless it was a guy I was really into, even then I'd feel a bit smothered.

if he is older, maybe he's not very good with texting and how the messages come across? (speaking as someone who isn't great at it either)

I've always dated nice guys. I like them.

This guy is not nice. He's weird.