New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

[Rejectedwoman]

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

Okay, your latest update just makes him seem pretty clingy and a bit pathetic. If he wants to hear from you he needs to start an interesting conversation, not just ask for a message from you!

Ditch.

It all sounds a bit much, especially the texts and the example you have given, it would make me run a mile.

Bunny boiler

Claire's Law. Seriously.

Someone being overly nice can be warning sign of some not so nice traits. If it's bothering you now it's just going to get worse if things develop further. Combined with the attempted guilt trip over messaging - I'd say listen to your instincts.

Personally I would be nervous too. I think you have instincts for a reason and yours are trying to tell you something. His messages come across as controlling to me (expecting you to text him by a certain time) and I wouldn't continue the relationship.

Actually, I would run for the hills!

I'd say stop being suspicious and just enjoy and stop comparing him to previous relationships! As an older man, he is less likely to want to play games and probably is just looking for a normal loving relationship without the drama etc.

My now DH was probably quite intense early on and sounds similar to the guy that you're dating, but I actually liked all of that after a relationship that turned sour after 10 years. It was a breath of fresh air.

However, if the thought of going to bed with him continues to feel uncomfortable after several dates, I'd be questionning myself whether this relationship felt right enough for me to continue.

Wayyyy too intense. Those sorts of messages are a bit much, unless you are feeling the same way too, which you're clearly not! It comes off as quite controlling too. Like it could suddenly turn nasty. Sorry OP.

Those messages aren't "nice". They're manipulative. "I'll let you off"? GTF.

At best he's neurotic and passive-aggressive, at worst very controlling. You're also wary and unhappy, so why would you carry on? I'd trust your instincts and end it.

Thanks everyone . Yes Claire's law and sarahs law would be used by me in a heartbeat for ANY potential new partner if it became serious . Without a shadow of a doubt. I have already researched both xx

Sounds like my ex, he turned out to be controlling and abusive, he bought me flowers and gifts, told me how I was the only one for him, took me out for posh meals. He was really full on and after a few months become controlling, I didn't even notice at first as I was so in love with him. Turned out he was seeing other women and trying to control them too using the same techniques.

I would be very wary.

Agree with PP who have commented that he sounds controlling. The text exchange you described comes across as something which looks nice on the surface but really isn't. What he's actually saying is "Do as I tell you, or I won't be happy". Doesn't sound very romantic, does it?

My partner was a bit keen when we first got together and I was very wary. I didn't believe anyone could be that nice or genuine and I really considered ending it several times. A few years later, we're still together. There was no trick; he just genuinely was that nice. Mind you, I'd keep your guard up until you know him better, but then I kind of think you should do that with any man.

He wants a message waiting for him? Fuck that, you're not his court jester.

He's the type that's not going to take rejection well, careful about giving out your address etc.

I would hate this...telling me to send him nice messages- ugh! Having my photo as screen saver-I wouldn't even let a bloke take a photo of me after two dates, spending £25 on a present. This all point to needy and controlling behaviour rather than genuine thoughtfulness.

Yeah latest update, that's not good is it.

And well spotted by you! In the bin he goes.

The request for a message = pathetic and embarrassing
The sad face emoji = FUN FOR THE FUCKING HILLS!

After we had a quick drink saturday I got home and had messaged me saying it meant so much seeing me and he didn't want to say goodbye and go. Sweet enough. But yes I have just read them back and after that he said he feels when he shows any emotions to me I don't want to know followed by more sad faces. I pulled him up on it very quickly and said name Me one time I have ignored anything Hes sent to me and said he was quite frankly being ridiculous. But it was that which made me think hang on a minute and had lead to.this post I guess. He was then full of loads of apologies saying sorry he was just being really sensitive and I mean a lot to him and he doesn't want anything to go wrong between us

You don't owe him a relationship, no matter how many sad-face emojis you give him.

I bet Mr Sensitive will become Mr Nasty if you decide to call it off. Check out Bye Felipe for examples

I'd tell him to slow down, and that he's going way too fast for you. If he's genuinely nice and just too interested in you he will back off, and give you time, if he's a control freak like most here suspect he won't be able to take it.

In response to his request for the text I wouldn't have made excuses saying I was busy, I would have been honest and said I'll text you when I want to, not before.

Maybe be more blunt with him and see how he reacts?

Men (or women) don't start off as aggressive abusive wankers. Doesn't mean they don't turn out that way ... Follow your gut instinct...

I don't think that you are compatible.

You don't need this shit constantly and it will be constant.

You'll think you've had a good night and he'll be there as soon as you look at your phone with his needy PA, self pitting rubbish.

You'll have to make it clear that you aren't into that level or type of contact and take it from there.

He sounds rather needy to me, I'm not sure how that can be after just a few dates, it's almost as if anyone will do rather than him being alone.
I'd slow down a bit, get to know him a LOT more before leaping into anything.