New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

[Rejectedwoman]

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

Just tell him flat out you don't like being pestered all the time and don't need constant reassurances of his affection. If he doesn't like that and pisses off, then fine.

quackporridgebacon you definitely need to RTFT!

VanillaSugar I’m in the process of doing so.

Ok so I’ve read everything now and I’m just confused. I didn’t see anything wrong with how he was but then I’m also someone that would fall very quickly. If it’s too much for someone then that is more than enough reason to end things. What I don’t understand is why the op ended things and then suddenly there is another post and they have spent a few nights together? I’m baffled. So you dumped him and then because he cut you off you are now upset? I’m actually really confused and clearly missing something.

Op he's punishing you for being assertive. This is classic narcissistic behaviour.
You need to keep reminding yourself of the blow job message, that showed you what kind of man he was. I can guarantee it will be someone else getting the same memes he sent to you, chances are he has a whole catalogue of them and it doesn't really matter who the recipient is. Don't take it personally because it's not you, it's him.
And remember the blow job message!!!!

One thing he said which I though odd at the time but dismissed was when he asked me if I would still give someone a blow job even if I wasn't really in the mood or if they didn't want to return the favour. Found it most odd. Strange one for sure

That's a very odd one even if you'd already had sex with him, which you hadn't.

To this man, everything's all about him. You're well rid, OP.

Just weird. It's as if there are 2 separate OPs on here.

You wanted to break it off because he was too full on. After a wobble he's done just that. Broken it off. If someone has or had strong feelings towards their x it can be hard to see them on social media and so you being blocked may not be about hurting you but simply protecting his feelings. Who he sees now is none of your business.

Read Gavin de Becker's The Gift Of Fear.
Trust your instincts.

I thought I'd accidentally switched threads here, are you the same OP? This thread is in two distinct and very different halves.

Yes definitely me. I broke it off but I missed him in a strange way. We ran into each other as I say we have a shared hobby and our path crossed. I didn't put myself in his path I can assure you. We then started seeing each other again. He asked why I had gone away and I said I liked him but it felt full on and he said he was sorry and would calm.it down but when he likes someone he likes them. Then all this has happened. I did have feelings for him. He said he loved me. That kind of attention can be addictive (anyone who's been on the receiving end will know what I.mean) I miss him and the fact I was ghosted and lied to hurts like hell

Nope. I’m still not getting it. Maybe he likes you and wants to be full on but knows you will resist this so it’s easier for him to block and remove you from social media so that he isn’t constantly reminded of you. You are taking it hard because you dumped him first then wanted to try things again. You clearly don’t work as a match and you should leave things alone now. Especially when he could well be a nice guy but very clumsy and you have shared and laughed at things he has said to you. That’s quite cruel to then want him after being horrible about him. I’d go your separate ways and leave t be.

When I read about this hobby thing, I imagine an embroidery group...

RoseWhiteTips 😂

I agree, QuackPorridgeBacon, you're definitely not getting it.
OP posted asking for help. You reply before bothering to RTFT, criticise, and then laugh at a joke about OP?

I wish people wouldn't be unkind too. Op is obviously going through a really rough time atm.

I hope that if she wants to, she feels she can come back on here without being laughed at.

I only hope you feel even slightly better than your last post xx

I can't say what it is or I would out myself but it isn't something naff or wierd hobby wise.

It's the numbness I am struggling with. The fact he has lied and said he's struggling with a job loss and I have genuinely been worried about the bloke. He sounded depressed and I have suffered depression myself so I was holding my arms out to be supportive. When in actual fact he's used that as cover to ghost me and start all round his ex and it's being played out quite openly online in front of people who know us both . Weekends away I have had to cancel, plans we made up until Christmas. Things I planned to buy him as a gift. When I have feelings for someone I am all in (however I don't bombard and go suffocating about it) I try and keep it back a bit iyswim

My guess is he really wanted to get back with his ex, but it wasn't happening. So he got involved with you. He probably meant the things he said to you, at the time.

But then something changed and the ex started to be interested in him again, so he just dropped you rather than make any effort to explain.

You're a nice person who doesn't mess people about, and this man isn't. But there's no way you could know that.
How fortunate, though, that you didn't have to waste more of your life on him. You're well shot of him.

From what he said they had been broken up at least 18 months that's if this woman is the latest ex. So it's not even aon rebound thing. Bewildering to be honest

I see nothing wrong with laughing at a funny comment. I also commented without reading the full thread and did not criticise the op. I then read the thread but couldn’t understand why she had ended things then seemilingy started things up again.

Just remember the blow job message. A decent man wouldn't even think such a thing, let alone message someone about it.

What he was asking you, was would he be able to coerce you to have sex, when you don't want it.

That alone should have caused you to dump him. He is NOT a nice man!
OPEN YOUR EYES!

I'm sorry you're hurting, but you'll heal, just give it time and be kind to yourself. And whatever you do, if he comes back, DON'T let him reel you back in.

He clearly isn't coming back. I wasn't good enough and he's moved on . What is so wrong with ME? I am kind, caring, have interests, open, honest, keep a nice home. Good with money. Look after the people I love. So why do they leave? :(

Seriously op? You complained so much about him and now you are crying because you want him? I’m confused. You laughed about him sending them pictures etc and said he was weird and creepy and now he is in the wrong again because he removed you from social media? Seriosulywise up a bit op. You didn’t like him and then you did and now he doesn’t want to be with you you are heartbroken over him? I’m probably sounding really harsh but I just don’t get it.

Oh my gosh OP I’m in exactly the same situation right now. Wondering if it’s the same person actually, they both sound the same. Does your one have a teenage child?