New man too nice??? Am I being silly or is it sinister,?

[Rejectedwoman]

Posted about a few of my relationship woes. Met a new man 5 weeks ago. We have several mutual friends in common but we had never met before. Get on well. Hes been single 18 months. Is 15+ years older than me. Lives 50miles away but we both drive so.distance not an.issue. Been on two actual dates and met twice more just quickly after work.

Here's the thing. He seems to nice. Now in my defence husband who I am going through separation with I was with a long time. Almost 15 years . I have kids. New man been nowhere near them and will be staying that way for as long as possible. Exh was a heavy drinker, violent at timws, verbally aggressive etc etc so maybe I am.just not used to someone who is nice.

Second date new man gave me a bottle of perfume I had mentioned I like in conversation previously. What I am questioning is his feelings for me. He says if he is with someone Hes with that person and no one else. He doesn't do or want casual stuff which is good as neither do I. Texts me every day as soon as he wakes up and last thing at night before he goes to bed. Rings me once a day too to chat. Just starting to feel like he needs constant contact and attention from me. We haven't slept together as I really don't feel comfortable at the moment being physical with him (recent bad experience with someone who I went to bed with and then dropped me after I developed feelings so I feel quite raw and wary from it) I have explained this and he says he will wait, wants to make.it special for me, wants me to be happy and comfortable. When I ask what would make him happy he says as long as I am.happy he is. He just wants to make me happy and smile. But it's constantly like this. Every day him saying all this. Counting down.the days to seeing me. Constantly saying he wants me/ misses me etc

Am I reading way way too much into this.
Help

Phew

happy ending!

Great fantastic, glad he got the message. Good result.

We managed to sort things out. He calmed down and things were good. The I love u came from him 3 weeks ago. Said he was falling for me.

Last weekend he said he needed time to sort himself out as he's lost his job and was struggling a bit with being out of work. Since then Hes deleted all trace of me from his Facebook (I have now been deleted and actually blocked) same with Twitter. But he's constantly on wattsapp . Not heard a word from him since Monday. Not spoken to him on the phone in 10 days. Hes literally ghosted me and vanished. Using needing space as the reason. Can't describe how hurt I feel. I have deleted everything from my phone. 90 calls back and forth, 700 texts and 15,000 wattsapp messages between us since August.

The mental pain is unreal at the moment

I remember your thread. Was he really calm and things really good the whole time you were together? That's a big turnaround. Did him disappearing coincide with anything in your relationship?

ie did he go cold on you after you slept with him?

Never slept together which makes his behaviour all the more odd. We bumped into each other a week after my last thread and I explained he was very full on and it was all a bit much .He apologised and calmed down although there was Still a lot of contact. We had two nights away together booked for the end of this month where in all honesty we would have slept together. I had started to have my own feelings for him so what's happened hurts. Literally nothing happened. No row, no crossed words nothing. I noticed he wasn't liking anything I posted on Facebook anymore and he didn't interact with me on there any more. Eg commenting on each other's stuff etc. He then said his daughter was asking who I was (even though she's not on his friends list and his profile is private) as a result he deleted a photo of me and him out at dinner. All check ins together of us at places. Comments I had on his wall. The whole lot was gone. This did co inside with him.losing his job. Then the texts got less which was strange for him. Didn't want to talk every day either. I had a horrible feeling in my gut but he said his feelings hadn't changed and he was just stressed and.Not himself being.out of work. Then last Saturday's date got cancelled (said he felt down an f didn't fancy doing anything that day) now ,NC. Took me off Facebook. Blocked me in fact. I Can see on his Twitter there's lots of comments between him and who I think is this ex (possibly the one who was married) I mentioned upthread. She's now been.added as a Facebook friend which explains erasing all trace of me. He told me he loved me 3 weeks ago and was falling for me. Deleted everything off my phone. Since August there were 90 calls , 700+ texts back.and forth and over 15000 wattsapp messages. He went from loving me and wanting a future to vanishing overnight. Can't get my head round it and it hurts so much

Aside from finding it baffling as to why you would go back after the initial performance he put on (I’ve had my own experiences with memes and over investment too early and it’s just plain scary how quickly it escalates), could it be that he has done this in retaliation? I mean, without sounding off, as you clearly feel something for him now, having read this entire thread he doesn’t come across as the more stable individual..
I could be well off the mark but that was my initial thinking when I read the updates.

I'm sorry you've had such a painful experience. It does sound like you've dodged a bullet though.

Gosh, so sorry this happened to you OP. I can only imagine your shock and pain.

I'e just read the thread as it appeared on the front page. I agree with gently. I think he is not stable or well balanced. It doesn't have to have a malicious intent (some people just have broken ideas of how relationships work or that they could or should be), but clearly he is not quite right. I don't think it helps much to guess why he has done this as right now you just don't know and maybe never know.

Am really sorry you are hurting though OP

I don't feel like he had a malicious bone in his body . However that might be wide of the mark given using his daughter as the reason for deleting my existence, silent treatment almost overnight wrapped us as him having problems and therefore I have been worried about him. Followed by blocking me everywhere and my discovery of all this cosy chatty little comments with the ex. I never suspected for a moment. He was so into me. So so into me. It doesn't feel real to be honest

Sounds like this guy throws himself into relationships for the spark and thrill.

Also I'm a bit about him just 'bumping' into you. You sure he wasn't stalking you at this stage?

You dodged a bullet OP, I'm just sad for you that you went back for more. Hope you are ok

Despite what you're feeling about this now, I reckon you've had a lucky escape. Give it a week and you'll probably feel the same way.

Oh and me and the ex and his daughters mum (long long time broken up) are all much younger and look almost dead spit of each other. Almost uncanny how alike we all look . Only found this out this week after lots of digging about online looking for clues as to what on earth was.going on / had happened

Just feels so hard. We used to talk / have contact every day. Feels like a great big hole without him :(

He has put you on a pedestal and trying to make you be his imaginary dream woman.
When you fall off, don't come up with the goods he will be disappointed, could get nasty or just fade away.
Cool it off and stand back, see if it can develop more slowly with two real personalities. If not it's no good.

Blimey it is hard.

But for your sake I would just try to put it all behind you and fill that void with something healthy - a new activity with your kids or something. Start a new series on Netflix. Anything so that you don't look backwards. I think maybe it will hurt sharply for a short while but then maybe also heal quite quickly, when you get your balance and back.

sorry *balance back.

All the social media posting and digging stuff sounds completely bonkers to me. Sounds like the whole relationship was in a fantasy sphere.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Men who seem completely non malicious can turn out to be devious bastards capable of planning things specifically to hurt a person (I married such a man). As pps have said, you've dodged a bullet, although it might not feel that way just now

I don't think OP has "dodged a bullet". She got totally hooked in with this manipulative creep and is now in a lot of pain. And I expect he'll be back to reel her in again.

Have you read the thread dangermouseisace? He could never be described as "non malicious".

I honestly don't think he was malicious. He had me on a pedestal. But he seemed to idolize me.. think he falls quickly and heavily and he wears his heart on his sleeve

Malicious might be the wrong word, but manipulative and emotionally abusive would be correct from what you have posted.
Have you read the thread back from the start, OP? It might help a bit. You sound quite different from the woman in September who was not going to be beholden to him. He must have played quite a beguiling but shitty game to get you to this point.
It has always been about his endless emotional needs hasn't it? Even if you've had fun and felt intimacy along the way.